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On January 11, Andre Balazs, a literal ghost, a drug dealer named Ghost (unrelated, but equally shady), a moody pop star, a brooding rock star, an agent on edge, a frenetic director, a producer glued to her phone, a pet psychic (tragically sans pets but surprisingly capable), a slimy gossip columnist, a crypto bro still bragging about NFTs, a nepo baby, a tennis star entangled with his publicist lover, a ruthless editor-in-chief, a scamming heiress, the ever-ominous Marina Abramović (why was she even there?), a beleaguered security guard, a party girl crashing the scene, a haute couture fashion designer, Grizzlybear the ever-watchful photographer, and a Russian agent with questionable motives walked into a room (in Brooklyn). 

Somewhere between the third round of champagne and the fifth whispered scandal, the night turned deadly. Roxy Royale (Ali) and Mona Mayhem (me), queens of the evening and birthday girls, collapsed in a dramatic heap, poisoned under the watchful (or not-so-watchful) eyes of their bizarre and glittering entourage.

But guess what? We lived, bitch!!! (Thanks to Celeste for resurrecting us.) And now we get to tell the tale of the greatest night that ever was. It only took 63 pages, 48 hours, 5 weeks of wild planning, and 1 Russian collusion plot line to make it happen. 

ICYMI, mine and Ali’s birthdays are 2 days apart. Which means, from here on out, we’re forced (yayyyy) to celebrate together. Every late-night brainstorm, every ridiculous plot twist, every unhinged text exchange about whether or not Guitar Hero should be enemies with Lucien Odeon, or Marina Abramovich and Hannah Delvey, or if guests should know ahead of time that Svetlana Vodkanova wants to turn the Chateau into a Hollywood Kremlin HQ— absolute magic. We turned our collective insanity into something so fun and chaotic with the help of our very committed friends. I don’t know how we’ll ever top this, but I do know one thing: Even our birthdays are best friends :) 

PS Who do you think did it? 

PSS Congratulation to @duanereadeofficial, @weregettingittogo and @the_general_is_dead on their most committed to the bit awards! 
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Photos by GrizzlyBear! He’s so good💕
#Ted
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Wow The Wild Robot is amazing… a movie about nature, nurture, motherhood, labor, staying alive, endurance and love, as a feeling and as a technology… great time at the theater with my friends. We laughed and cried, but mostly cried!
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