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🚨 AN EMERGENCY PEACE SUMMIT HAS BEEN CALLED 🚨

The Strait of Hormuz is fucked. International diplomacy has stalled. Global tensions are rising. And millions of Americans are walking around with credit scores below 600.

After exhausting all conventional diplomatic options, humanity has been left with one final hope:

2009 Nissan Altima owners.

🕊️ BASS WAFFLES PRESENTS: THE 2009 NISSAN ALTIMA PEACE SUMMIT 🕊️

2.5S. 3.5SE. Missing bumper. Temporary plate. No plate. One working headlight. 27% APR. 487 credit score. Check engine light on since the Obama administration.

Featuring:

🚗 @amplivesworld 
🚙 @soundzzzbeats 
💥 @2tall2tall_ 
🛞 @xxkarl69xx x @circa.wav 
⚠️ @depths.official 

🚨🔊 Sound by @synchronisticsound
🖼️ Visuals by @diemt_visuals
👨‍🍳 Chef: @soundsthatsatiate 

📍 The Offbeat Bar on York
📅 September 27
🕘 9 PM

🚨 SUMMIT AGENDA 🚨

• Reopen the Strait of Hormuz by doing 107 through it with no plates.

• Annex the AutoZone parking lot and immediately recognize it as a sovereign nation.

• Raise the federal credit score minimum to 426 so everybody can get a Hellcat.

• Replace NATO Article 5 with “you got a problem with my boy, you got a problem with me.”

• Send one Altima with a missing rear bumper to every active conflict zone. Nobody knows what happens next.

• Nationalize Klarna.

• Put the Federal Reserve on Afterpay.

• Establish a demilitarized zone between Nissan Financial and anyone making $14.75/hour.

• Forgive all sovereign debt and replace it with a $17,000 loan on a 2009 Altima at 29.99% APR.

🕊️ WORLD PEACE IS NOW A SUBPRIME AUTO LOAN. 🕊️

The United Nations has exhausted all other options.

Nissan Financial has requested a co-signer.
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🚨HAMBURGER HELPER HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT🚨

After 10 years sitting in the pantry, the Hamburger Helper Mixtape has become self-aware. The noodles are sentient. The beef has achieved consciousness. The glove has been asking questions we are legally unable to answer.

To celebrate this historic beefy disaster, we’re throwing the 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE HAMBURGER HELPER MIXTAPE.

Featuring:
🥩 @sixfour.wav 
🥄 @mirrorrmaze 
🧀 @rosesgrimoire 
🍖 @dielahn 
📼 @shadowrealmbass 

🔊 Sound by @synchronisticsound 
🖼️ Visuals by @diemt_visuals 

📍 The Offbeat Bar on York
📅 July 26, 2026
🕘 9:00 PM

🚨 IMPORTANT FDA ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
Bringing one (1) box of Hamburger Helper to the show gets you VIP ENTRY. Any flavor is accepted. Even the weird ones. Especially the weird ones. Please do not bring an already prepared batch. We cannot be responsible for emotional damages caused by lukewarm stroganoff.

Side effects of attending may include:
• Speaking exclusively in cholesterol.
• Mistaking potholes for beef deposits.
• Buying a 2004 Honda Element.
• Becoming legally classified as “good beef.”
• Calling strangers “chef.”
• Developing an unhealthy attachment to boxed pasta.
• Waking up with a wooden spoon in your pocket and no explanation.

This event is sponsored by AOL “hit send from the pen” 🪄
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UK dubstep pioneer and founder of @deepmedimusik, @maladmz , makes his long awaited return to BSide Los Angeles. We’re beyond excited to welcome one of the true architects of the sound back to our stage.

This will be Mala’s ONLY Southern California stop. 
San Diego, Las Vegas… pull up!

Mala will be playing an uninterrupted 2.5 hour set, so we’re going LATE.

Joining the don, we have young legend @contra.slaps and our very own, @litha.sf 

We’re also officially announcing our new home at @the_compound_la. An independently owned venue that we’re incredibly excited to call home. The Compound also features a full restaurant, and it’ll be open all night.

We’re transforming this blank canvas into our own dubstep dungeon with festival level production, 360 cage, sound powered by @synchronisticsound so you know it’s proper and BIG, dancers, fire performers by @firelilyentertainment a curated night market, tattoo booth, live painters, art installations, and plenty more.

Our entire team has spent months building this experience, and we can’t wait for our community to see what’s next for BSideLA.

Side note: If you’re spending the day at Grand Park for A Journey of a Lifetime, this is your afters. 😉 (Less than 15mins away).

For tickets and info, text “MALA” to +1 (323) 604-1645 or hit the link in our bio.

See you in the dance.
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The BW Players are proud to present:
🔥🍖 “Who Killed the BBQ?” 🍖🔥

A whodunnit of epically hungry proportions — due to lack of portions.

A miscreant among us! A barbecue-hating bully knocked our meat in the dirt and ruined the bbq kickback. But who could it be? 🤨

The scoundrel DJ? 🎧
The posh producer? 🎭
Or maybe… a pancake punk. 🥞

Suspects:
BB Shaine
Seyaa
AXJA
W3XXXL3r

Join us for a classic dinner-less, theater-less dinner theater whodunnit experience.

🔪 A new ending each night!
🎲 No two shows ever the same!

Don’t miss a single evening of this one-night engagement:

📍 The Offbeat on York
📅 Sunday, 5/31
⏰ 8pm–2am

Powered by:
Synchronistic Sound
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Inventing EDM 6½ years ago was no easy task. We had a lot of haters saying we couldn’t do it, but look at us now. This Sunday we celebrate pioneering such a rager of a genre and Bass Waffles would like to simply say… you’re welcome. PEACE LOVE UNITY AND FUCK PANCAKES!

LINEUP:
@smigonaut 
@kuhlinmusic 
@conduit_noise 
@itslubby_ 
@basswaffles resident: @circa.wav 

Sound: @synchronisticsound 
Visuals: @diemt_visuals
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🏆 Bass Waffles Awards Night: where recognition is meaningless but still somehow earned. 

Commemoration goes down this Sunday 3/29 @TheOffbeatbar Come dressed like you deserve an award (you don’t) 

🏆 SoundzZz Best Ass 
No notes. Just respect. Truly a generational talent. 

🏆 LAF “I Suck at Fantasy Football” 
Award A season so bad it became performance art. Statistically impressive in all the wrong ways. The nutsack trophy says it all. 

🏆 CHROMEDOUBT Best Vanilla Donut 
Dependable. Classic. Suspiciously enjoyable. The human equivalent of “yeah I’ll have another one.” 

🏆 MANDELBOT World’s Biggest Penor 
Walking around like a final boss for no reason. Confidence levels illegal in most states. Horses fear him. 

🏆 P.WEE #1 Farter 
Putting in consistent, high-volume work behind the scenes. A true gas-powered innovator. Never silent. Never safe. 

🏆 JWIN “Your Did It!” 
Award Nobody really knows what you did… but you did it. And that’s what matters. Probably. 

You could win big. You probably won’t. But you could. 
🥇Sound @synchronisticsound 
🥈Lights @diemt_visuals 
🥉VIP Experience @soundsthatsatiate 

#BassWaffles #AwardsNight #HighlyUnqualified #Onlywaffles
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🏆SUNDAY 3/29🏆

Bass Waffles proudly presents: a completely necessary awards show that everyone asked for, sponsored by corporations that definitely did not approve this message.

🏆🏆🏆

Featuring the most critically unacclaimed lineup ever assembled in a workshop for no reason whatsoever. No red carpet. No dress code. No logic. Just waffles and poor decision making.

Come celebrate excellence in categories that shouldn’t exist, with people who probably shouldn’t be there.

Huge thanks to our absolutely real and totally aware sponsors.

You could win big. You probably won’t. But you could.

🥇Sound @synchronisticsound 
🥈Lights @diemt_visuals 
🥉VIP Experience @soundsthatsatiate 

#BassWaffles #AwardsShow #WorkplaceMorale #TotallyLegit #DoNotTakeSeriously
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SET TIMES ARE LIVE. ⏰🧇
Momentive x Bass Waffles | Feb 21 (DTLA)
We’re going 10pm ‘til late and the schedule is stacked:

10pm Zntropy
11pm Gunk
12am dela Moon
1am kLL sMTH
2am Circa b2b Kimothy Leary
3am Forin
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