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@thesomacenter

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In my .. Return Era.

Returning to the simple things that spark joy.

The summer of 2025 Tommy took me to the beach to help teach me how to swim before my trip to Maui.

I had never seen Fish ‘fly’ out of the water. It happened over and over again. It felt very childlike in the moment, being fascinated and excited to witness that.

Here I am at the location I chose for the women’s retreat I’m hosting and as I journaled all by myself, being presently present … Fish started ‘flying’, and it took me back to that moment that Summer. 🥹🥹

Our body doesn’t just remember the trauma, the less desired lived experiences … it also remembers the peaceful, happy, and joyful moments.

It’s important we take time to acknowledge both.

What an unexpected surprise I received.

You can see it all over my face! And that is what I desire to return to. More joy, peace, happiness … love.

I invite you to think back to a moment that gave you a full-body response like mine, here. Allow yourself to smile. Remember HOW it felt. 🤎🤎

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I wonder how much of my life I’ve spent making decisions from fear rather than desire.

Fear of making a mistake.
Fear of disappointing others.
Fear of doing it wrong.

I’ve known for years that fear has been a driver in my life. Hell, I created an entire modality called Rooted In FEAR back in 2021, before I even knew what somatic healing was.

Funny how my body was drawn to the medicine long before my mind understood it.

But today, during a healing experience unlike anything I’ve ever participated in, I came face-to-face with something that brought me to tears.

The grief of realizing just how much of my life I’ve spent afraid to LIVE.

Not because I haven’t taken chances.
Not because I haven’t done incredible things.

But because even in the doing, fear has so often been sitting in the driver‘s seat.

And while I believe fear has its place, I no longer wish to let it determine how I experience this one precious life.

I’m still integrating so much of today.

But I’m grateful for the awareness. Because awareness gives me the opportunity to choose differently.

To take chances.
To find joy in the simplest things.

To make mistakes without making them mean something about my worth.

To experience life through MY eyes rather than worrying about how others see me.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I spent so much of it afraid to actually live it.

And maybe that’s the permission I’m granting myself today.

To live. Even when I’m scared.

If this resonates, I see you ❤️🙏🏼!

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Right now, I feel like a camera trying to find its focus.

It’s an interesting place to be.

Identity shifts are wild because you can feel yourself becoming someone new without fully knowing who that someone is yet.

Things you once tolerated now give you the absolute ick.
Things you once prioritized suddenly feel insignificant.

The desire to have a large circle of friends has softened into a longing for a few deeply meaningful connections.

And a quiet evening at home, curled up by the fireplace, writing and sipping tea, sounds infinitely better than a night on the town in heels and fake lashes.

It’s not that those things were wrong.
They just don’t feel like me.

And that’s the interesting part of evolving.
Sometimes the old version of you no longer fits, but the new version hasn’t fully come into focus.

You can feel the shift. You can sense the change. You know something is different.

But you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.

And right now, that’s where I am.

There are areas of my life that feel beautifully aligned and others that feel completely out of focus.

Do I know exactly where I’m headed? NOPE.

But I know I’m moving forward.
And maybe that’s enough for now.

So here’s your reminder, if you’re somewhere in the messy middle of becoming …

Just because the picture isn’t clear doesn’t mean you’re moving in the wrong direction.

Sometimes you have to allow the lens to adjust before you can fully see what’s coming into view.

And perhaps the most beautiful part of becoming is learning that you don’t need the entire picture to trust yourself in the process. 🤎🤎

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Yesterday, I uncovered a belief I didn’t even realize I was carrying.

That I wasn’t deserving of the money I desired to make.

And when I followed that belief back, it led me to a younger version of myself who simply wanted a pair of shoes.

A moment when asking for something I needed, resulted in money being thrown at me and being told to get out.

And somewhere along the way, that younger version of me made meaning out of that experience.

If I’m not even deserving of my basic needs, what makes me deserving of abundance?

WHEW - I was wrecked. That one hit differently.

Today, I stood on stage with the board, representing the beliefs and barriers standing between me and my desires.

And with one strike, I broke through it.

But here’s what I know …

The board wasn’t the breakthrough. The awareness was.

Because sometimes the very things standing between us and the lives we desire aren’t our capabilities, our resources, or our ambition.

They are the stories we’ve unconsciously carried about what were worthy of receiving.

And while breaking a board doesn’t magically erase decades of conditioning, it sure as hell can become a powerful reminder that those beliefs don’t have to keep writing the future.

That little girl deserved the shoes.

And this grown woman gets to desire the abundance 🤑🤑.

Neither has to earn the right to be worthy.

🫶🏼

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“But I don’t even know what I would create.”

GOOD. 🔥

Because that’s part of the experience.

You don’t need to arrive with a finished concept, a script, a song, or even a clear vision.

Maybe you’ve already built something you want to expand.

Or maybe there’s something inside you that’s been waiting for an opportunity to come OUT.

That’s where we begin.

We explore. We excavate. We experiment.

And together, we begin turning what we discover into something tangible.

Something artistic.

Something that can be EXPERIENCED.

You bring the willingness.
I’ll bring the creative support.

And together … we’ll MAKE SOMETHING OF IT. 🎬

🫶🏼🫶🏼

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It’s givin’ … “Who does she think she is” vibes.

And honestly?

Some days I’m asking myself the same damn question 🤣.

But here’s what I know ….

I’m no longer interested in shrinking my visions to fit the version of me I’ve already outgrown.

The audacity to want more.
The courage to explore what’s possible.
And the willingness to look a little crazy while figuring it all out.

Because who the hell said we had to have it all figured out before we made a move?

So here I am, living in uncertainty of the outcome, but presently present, knowing I have a vision + drive to make it happen.

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THIS WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN.

When this photograph was taken, I was standing on stage in front of an audience with absolutely no idea what I was going to say next.

I’m not exaggerating. 🫠

A pretty significant part of my production hadn’t gone as planned.

The Graffiti artist arrived without the canvas, which meant the mural that was supposed to be created and woven into the final part of the experience wasn’t happening.

And there I was.

With 25 minutes left in a show I’ve spent months meticulously creating.

No script.
No backup plan.

Just me, a microphone, and a theatre of people.

An earlier version of me would have been internally LOSING HER SHIt.

The need to control. The fear of disappointing people. The pressure to get everything right.

And yet, in this moment, I wasn’t any of those things.

I was present.
Connected.

Trusting myself to navigate what was unfolding instead of fighting again against what wasn’t.

And here’s the wild part.
After the show, people came up to me, sharing how deeply move they were by my very words I hadn’t planned to speak.

Let that sink in.
Some of the most impactful moments came from the part I couldn’t control.

And I’ve been sitting with that.
Because how often do we convince ourselves that we need to know how something is going to happen before we give ourselves permission to move?

How often does uncertainty become the very reason we don’t try?

I’m stepping into some pretty big unknowns right now.
Things I have absolutely no roadmap for.
And this photograph is a reminder.

Not that everything will go according to plan.
But that I don’t need it to.

Maybe the greatest thing I’ve gained through all of this work isn’t the ability to control what happens next.

It’s the capacity to trust myself when I can’t.

And THAT is a version of me I’m pretty damn proud of.

🫶🏼🫶🏼

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I cannot build the life I’m being called toward using ONLY the logic of the life I already know.

Grateful for the people in my life who lend me trust, faith and perspective on the days when mine gets a little shaky.

Sometimes all we need are people who can see beyond the edge we’re standing on.

@andeelove_
@_christinefonseca
@teehoula
@tiffanyhomancoaching

My ride or dies and I’m so grateful 🙏🏼!

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Don’t act like ya don’t know 💀🤣!!

On that note: friendship enrollment open.

🫶🏼🫶🏼

#permissiongranted #somatichealing #performingartist #irritablebowelsyndrome #makingarteveryday

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I stopped trying to become someone I could love, and started loving the woman I already was. 💕

#selflove❤︎ #permissiongranted #innerhealing #somatichealing #selfabandonment

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It might look like I do a lot of different things.

I write.
I teach.
I coach.
I work somatically.
I create.
I produce.

Different expressions.
Different rooms.
Different doors.

But they all lead to the same place.

H O M E

Not home as a destination outside of you.
Home as, you!

Because underneath everything I create is a question I keep coming back to:

👉🏼 Where have you learned to leave yourself in order to stay connected, accepted, safe, loved or belonging?

That is self-abandonment.

And it can be so subtle that we don’t even recognize we’re doing it.

We override what we know.
We say yes, when we mean no.
We shrink.
We overgive.
We silence ourselves.
We look outside ourselves for answers we already feel inside.

My mission is to help people recognize those moments … and build enough self-trust to choose differently.

Not to become someone new.
Not too perfect yourself.
Not to ‘heal’ your way into some more acceptable version of who you are.

But to stop leaving yourself behind.

Sometimes we enter through somatics.
Sometimes through a conversation.
Sometimes through writing or teaching.
Sometimes through art.
Sometimes through an entire fucking stage 😉!

Different doors. Same way home.

Because the destination was never me.
It was never the modality.
It was never the program, book, classroom or stage.

The destination is you.

Self-abandonment ends.
Self-trust begins.

- Candice 🫶🏼

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Fear never left me during the production.

Not once.

I was afraid I couldn’t pull it off.
Afraid people wouldn’t come.
Afraid it wouldn’t translate the way I saw it in my head.
Afraid of the money. The magnitude. The unknown.

But fear didn’t paralyze me.
In some moments, it actually supported me.

It made me prepare.
It made me pay attention.
It reminded me that what I was doing mattered to me.

I think that’s one of the greatest things this experience taught me: I don’t have to eradicate every part of myself in order to move forward.

Some parts don’t need to be healed away.
They need to be understood.

When I stopped making fear the enemy, I could get curious about what it was trying to do for me.

And somewhere in that neutrality, I learned how to lovingly let fear have a seat … without giving it the steering wheel.

Fear came with me.
It just didn’t get to decide where we were going.

Maybe you have a big vision or dream you’re pursuing and fear is taking over.

I invite you to get curious and ask what it’s trying to show you. 🫶🏼

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