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A job, a mortgage and a gym membership don’t mean you haven’t got a problem, they just mean the consequences haven’t caught up with you yet.

The high functioning drinker is the hardest one to spot because everything on paper looks fine. He lies about how much he’s had, every event has to involve alcohol, and he’s always got another dad in mind who’s way worse than him. He gets defensive the second anyone raises it, he can’t properly relax without a drink in his hand, and he swears he could stop anytime he wanted to, he just doesn’t feel the need.

The biggest sign is the one he can’t see himself, because he’s physically in the room but emotionally checked out, and his partner feels it every night even if he doesn’t.

You don’t need to lose your job or your house for alcohol to already be running more of your life than you’d like to admit, and left alone it’ll eat away at the trust, respect and leadership in your home faster than almost anything else.

I was the obvious version of this for years, and the quiet version does just as much damage, it just takes longer to show up.

If this one hit a little close to home, comment LEADER and I’ll send you the exact framework we use to help men take back control.

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Adam Powell and @harveyriversofficial went from professional football to building Harwell and the Recruitment Agent Institute, and on this episode they sit down with @benlowecoaching and @tiarnylowe to talk about what it actually takes to build a business with your mate without losing the friendship or yourself along the way.

They get into the early days as solo operators, the belief that the only way it could fail was if a meteor hit, and the time they had to talk about the business in secret, gave it a code name and then Googled it, which is a story you need to hear for yourself.

Tiarny also opens up about her own struggle with being hyper independent and what it took to soften into her feminine at home, and the four of them get honest about the pressure that business puts on the relationships behind it.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too.

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@tiarnylowe didn’t become financially independent because she wanted to prove a point, she did it because money had been used against her time and time again and she was never going to let that happen to her or her kids again.

In one relationship money was used as power and control, and in the next she was expected to be a full-time mother and still go to work and contribute equally, so she learned the hard way that the only person she could count on was herself.

She built her own vehicle for her and her kids and kept it completely separate from any relationship she was in, because every time she’d let someone else hold the money, it had cost her her safety.

That’s what hyper independence looks like from the inside, a woman who has decided she will never be trapped again and has built walls to make sure of it, and she has every reason in the world to have built them.

On this episode Tiarny and @benlowecoaching talk about what it took for her to finally feel safe enough to let someone back in, and what a man has to show up as before a woman like that can lower her guard.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too.

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When she finally says she doesn’t love you anymore it feels like it came out of nowhere, but she’s usually been pulling away for months while you were too busy to notice.

Most men in this spot say the same thing: I go to work, I provide for her and the kids, and I do exactly what my dad did for my mum. And that’s often the whole problem, because your life became work, and whatever time was left over got spent half present, at the pub, on the punt or on your phone.

The arguing stops and you take it as a good sign, when she’s actually shut down to protect herself because she’s tired of feeling alone in the relationship. By the time most men notice, she’s already done most of her leaving on the inside.

The upside is that a woman who’s still there is still giving you a window, and what you do with it is entirely up to you.

Ladies, if your man needs to see this, save it and send it to him. And lads, if she sent you this, it’s because she still cares. Comment LEADER and I’ll send you the exact steps we’ve used to help men turn their relationships around.

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The quickest way to build a strong foundation in any relationship is to make your integrity as a man the thing you protect above everything else, because safety is the number one thing a woman needs and that safety only comes from a man whose words match his actions.

A lot of men wonder why their partner doesn’t trust them, and when you dig into it, the cause is rarely one big betrayal and almost always a hundred small broken promises.

You said you’d take the bins out and didn’t, you said you’d book dinner and forgot, you said you’d be home by six and walked in at eight, and every one of those moments teaches her that what you say can’t be relied on.

She stops relaxing, she starts checking, she carries the load herself because she’s learned not to count on you, and then you’re left wondering why she seems so guarded.

@benlowecoaching has built his relationship with @tiarnylowe on one standard: if he says he’s going to do something, he does it, every time, no matter how small.

When she can trust your word on the little things, she can finally feel safe with you on the big ones, and that safety is what everything else in the relationship gets built on.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too.

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You think the problem is your drinking or the fact that she’s always on your back about it, but the real problem is she never knows which version of you is about to walk through the door.

Angry, happy, flat or checked out, she’s reading you from the sound of the car in the driveway, and so are your kids. Leadership at home goes well beyond paying the bills, it means giving your family emotional stability and making the house feel safe to be in.

Coming home, dumping the day on your partner and kids and then shutting down for the night gives them the exact opposite, and over time she shuts down too because it’s the only way she can protect herself.

You can keep telling yourself that’s just how you are because it’s how your old man was, or you can decide to become the man your family actually looks forward to seeing at the end of the day, and that decision belongs to you and nobody else.

If you’re serious about becoming the steady, grounded leader your family wants to be around, comment LEADER and I’ll show you exactly how we help men build real emotional control.

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Any hyper independent women you meet wasn’t born that way.

They learned it, usually after being hurt by someone who was meant to keep them safe, and they decided they’d never put themselves in that position again.

When a woman has lived through abuse, doing everything herself becomes a way of protecting herself. She stops asking for help, she stops relying on anyone, and she keeps one foot out the door of every relationship, because the last time she let her guard down it cost her everything.

As @benlowecoaching says on this episode, if a man doesn’t show up to keep a woman safe, she will find her own safety, and for a lot of women that means building walls so high that even a good man can’t get through them.

That’s why so many women go from relationship to relationship without ever finding what they need. The work starts on the inside, and it also takes a man with the capacity to hold her, be consistent and prove over time that she doesn’t have to carry everything on her own anymore.

If you’ve had to become your own protector, there’s nothing wrong with you. You did what you had to do to survive, and you’re allowed to want something different now.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast with @benlowecoaching and @tiarnylowe on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too.

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Retreats, therapy, ayahuasca, tantra, another baby and a shelf full of self help books, and the one thing most couples never try is working on themselves.

We see this every week with the couples who come to us. They’ll fly to Peru for a plant ceremony before they’ll sit down and have one honest conversation about what’s actually coming up for each of them in the relationship.

They don’t need another retreat or another quick fix. They need to become two people who can work as a team when it gets hard, who can say what they actually need from each other, and who can own their part in a fight instead of keeping score. Nobody teaches couples how to do any of that, so they go looking for the magic pill, and every time it doesn’t work they take it as more proof the relationship is done.

It takes real work, but the principle is straightforward: change the two people in the relationship and the relationship changes with them.

If you’ve tried everything and you’re still stuck but neither of you is ready to give up, comment RELATIONSHIP and we’ll show you exactly how we help couples turn things around in 30 days or less.

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Sun Tzu wrote that when soldiers are put in a position where there’s no way to retreat, they fight harder than they ever would with an exit behind them, and @benlowecoaching reckons the same thing applies to life and business, because when your back is against the wall you do your best work.

Ben never had a family safety net, so when he took a risk it was because he had no other choice, and if he didn’t make it work there was nothing and nobody to catch him.

@tiarnylowe came from the other side of it with family she knew she could fall back on, and on this episode they get honest about how differently that shapes the way two people handle risk inside the same relationship and business.

Some people never find out what they’re capable of because they always leave themselves a way out, while others give themselves permission to risk it all to get the outcome they want, and that’s where they learn to trust themselves 100%.

Ben says not having that support turned out to be the best lesson he ever had, because it forced him to back himself completely.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too.

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She’ll wait for you for a long time, but she won’t wait forever, and most men only find out where that line was after they’ve already crossed it.

To you it’s one more drink, one more round, and you’ll head home after this one. To her it’s another night of realising she isn’t your priority. She’ll cover for you with her friends, make excuses to the kids and tell herself you’re just flat out with work, and she’ll keep doing it right up until she can’t lie to herself anymore.

She won’t remember the nights you told her you were grinding, she’ll remember the nights she sat at home alone feeling like she wasn’t worth coming home to.

I lost years doing exactly this, and the hardest part to accept was how harmless every one of those nights felt while I was living it. Most men lose their families one more round at a time, and they won’t admit there’s a problem until there’s nobody left waiting up.

If you’re ready to become the partner and leader she deserves before she stops waiting, comment LEADER and I’ll send you the framework we use to help men rebuild trust at home.

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She’s telling you what she needs and you’re hearing that you’re failing, and that gap is behind more relationship breakdowns than most men will ever realise.

She says she’d love more time together and he hears that nothing he does is ever good enough. She says she needs more support and he hears that he’s let her down again. So he gets defensive, she feels shut out, and after enough rounds of that she stops bringing anything up at all.

Most men take the quiet as a sign things have finally settled down, when really she’s stopped asking because asking never got her anywhere. That’s when it gets dangerous, because she hasn’t gotten over any of it, she’s only gone silent.

Most blokes aren’t doing this on purpose, they were just never taught the difference between a need and an attack, and once you learn to hear her requests as directions instead of criticism, she’s handing you the map to the relationship you both want.

Fellas, when she tells you what she needs, she’s telling you exactly how to win. If you’re living like roommates and want to get back to being lovers, comment RELATIONSHIP and we’ll show you how we help couples turn it around.

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Have you ever sabotaged a relationship for safety?

@tiarnylowe has had to start her life over three times, and the first time she lost everything, her identity, her money and her business, which went into liquidation, and it took her five years to rebuild.

What she had to rebuild wasn’t the furniture or the bank account so much as herself, and then the way she showed up in her relationships, because you can’t build anything solid with someone else until you’ve put yourself back together first.

She’s had to do it again since then, and even though it was never as hard as the first time, it leaves a mark that follows you into whatever comes next.

Tiarny is honest about where that left her when she met Ben, which was carrying a quiet fear that if this relationship didn’t work out she’d be back to having nothing all over again.

If you’ve ever walked into something good still braced for it to fall apart, this conversation between Tiarny and @benlowecoaching is for you.

🎙 Listen to the whole episode of the @modernpartnership podcast on YouTube or Spotify, with the link in our bio.

If you enjoyed the episode, please like, subscribe and share it with someone who might enjoy it too

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