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Ed-word Dyson

@unitedqueendompodcast

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Comedy writer, author, occasional journalist, and stay-at-home dad… with no kids
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July I realised recently that I lived in London for longer than I did in Edinburgh, my hometown. And so July was spent packing up the life I built there, saying goodbye to the people who have made me who I am and trying to picture who I'll become next. I post this now, from Edinburgh, in limbo between the two places, not settled here in a new home, all my belongings stuck in a Luton van, in a random mechanics down South and this month and that city now feel so distant. Like I didn't really live those days at all. This could be a protection mechanism as, despite knowing I'm making the right decision, I feel homesick for London. I want to hobble around Soho in heels, have pasta at Bar Italia, a caustic white wine at Trisha's and then see where the night takes me, and who it takes me to. I want to find a theatre event with chicken Edway, for free drinks, and leave before the show begins because we have too much to say to one another. I want to talk, at length, about shower gel and movies I've never heard of with the guests at Showerbox... Why has no one invented teleportation yet? I am happy and it's going to be fine but I think I also need to adjust and recognise that 18 years in London will change someone, I've moulded my being around the city and its needs, as well as my own. Now I have to fit back into Edinburgh, create new patterns and routines and meet new characters here too. Love you forever London.
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Last (office) day at Cosmopolitan! For those that don't know, as part of my move to Edinburgh I'm leaving my role as Commissioning Director after a decade at the brand. I'll still be working for three more months and then I'll remain a contributor but still I needed to celebrate and say goodbye to the brand, and people, that have been a huge patchwork of who I am. And I can't believe how spoiled I was! With presents (shoes! leaving cover! my own award!) but also the incredible words, in speeches and leaving cards, that had me in buckets of tears. I also did my own speech which, if you'll indulge me, I'll put here... When I was growing up, magazines were generally considered trash, and they were bad for women. I didn't see this. Magazines were my best friends, they showed me, not just who I was but who I could become. I also couldn't see how something made for women, by women, could be bad for us. Instead, I saw them as an opportunity: to get in the walls and change any parts of mags that didn't reflect what I loved them for. Mags showed me that there are so many different ways to live. That I didn't have to be interested in just one thing - I could love fashion, beauty, celebs while also caring deeply about feminism, politics and our collective ability to make the world a better place. Working at Cosmo has allowed me the opportunity to use this incredible platform to influence and make a difference that lasts well beyond the pages. From producing sex education booklets that are still being used in schools today, to changing the law, we have made big differences but also I believe magazines make a difference in so many small ways we can't see. I know this industry is really tough now but we shouldn't ever lose sight of what this brand means and what it does for its readers. You're all so talented and fun and your identity isn't a brand, but I genuinely believe we can go to our graves feeling so, so proud that we were once Cosmo girls. And once a Cosmo girl (and boy!) always a Cosmo girl. (photos from leaving do) Also can't do individual thanks cause space but special love to @amygrier17 @claire_hodge @lottielumsden @jennifersavin_ @farrahstorr ❤️
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Notes on May...
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Do you ever look around and realise how lucky you are? Good times with the very best people in a big beautiful party finca in Tenerife. Thank you Stu for an incredible few days of sun, laughter and dancing, couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate you x
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March... ❤️ Edinburgh, Prague, Tenerife, Benidorm. Four holidays, two jobs, five long read commissions, one book to finish... My life philosophy is say yes to stuff and I certainly lived that this month. I learned that I can really enjoy time alone but also there's nothing better than being in a house full of people so wonderful you don't even notice your phone is broken. Oh and if Sticky Vicky says "ladies on stage take off your underwear" she's not being serious... Don't say yes to that.
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‘’Ah’m lookin down on a sea ae bodies Sweating Writhing Eyes dark wi love They’re on this voyage the gither Each body a conductor Passing beats through the crowd Thir movin as one feet the gither Bouncin Bass thumpin Arms up and signallin that thir ready ‘Get they heavens open’ One big army ae ravers Dancing to attention Rez- a-fucking-rection Ah’m in prime position Overseeing my troops intae battle Synthesised movement A chemical battle In which everyone wins tonight. Ah’m teetering on the edge One foot in the rave Ah could easily tip over Lose masel in all they bodies Become part of the pulsin mass- yassss!’ I love the opening section of Medusa, that part where they’re all in the club and having the time of their lives. I love those dance floor moments where real life doesn’t exist and you’re surrounded by pals that are dedicated to exactly the same cause as you- having a fucking lovely time! This scene is inspired by old bongo and new bongo, raves in the old odeon cinema and London warehouses. By festivals, and parties we had no business being at. By working in queer clubs selling cheb shots and being adopted by drag queens. By 20p vodka shots and boom. By working the door at the studios and letting folk in for free if they showed me their party piece. Bucky bombs. Riot helmets. Lisa gay eye. And by the greatest people to have ever existed, my pals- this one’s for you, I hope we always have one foot in the rave x #tapeart #streetart #tapeartist #streetarteverywhere #edinburgh
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This month I've... 🌳 sat under trees, detoxed & healed on an Ayurvedic retreat in India 🍄 sought out the wildest people (and stories) in Bognor, Butlins 🌎 hosted a panel about the rollback of women and girl's rights across the world and how we can create change 👻 wrote and edited articles about ghosts, BuzzBalls, men's dating lives, hypnotism and more ❤️ just... always saying yes to new experiences, new paths and seeing where I end up. What will December hold? Let's find out
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We returned the red coat to its spiritual home: Butlins #Butlinsbigweekenders @butlinsbigweekenders
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October is over! But I will still say "that's the life of a showgirl" to myself, after doing mundane tasks. Sorry everyone. PS: slide ten is the greatest video ever taken
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Coming up, on today's episode of The Real House Pals Of Glen Isla... 💚 The gang compete to see who can create the best dance to the OG Apple ring tone 💙 Search the house for surprising things to place under mugs ❤️ Have an impromptu folded sheet contest 💕 Have explosive (rehearsed) rows from the most iconic Housewives moments 💜 Pretend to be pandas eating bamboo 💖 Listen to a three minute long cameo from Sonja 💙 Create art out of bread 💝 Plant trees 💜 Celebrate ALL THINGS AMBER 40th birthday party season is waaaaay better than wedding season! I am exhausted but I never want it to end!
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Real House Pals of Glenisla 💖 We’ve spoken about having our own reality tv series since 2007 and this weekend Amber made it happen! Great food by Elliot, the most beautiful floral decor by @jennyflowermug, the IT Girls of Edinburgh exclusive product launch, a cameo from the Sonja Morgan (we’re all her interns btw), Taskmaster games, Real Housewives psychological guess who and planting trees so that even if we don’t have reality tv fame our legacy still lives on! Happy birthday Amber, thank you for organising the most iconic weekend, I genuinely couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate you xxx . . . . #realhousewives #glenisla #itgirlsofedinburgh #taskmaster #guesswho #rhonj #itgirls #itgirl #pals #sonjamorgan #intern #treeplanting #realitytvfights #realitytv #doritkemsley #rhobh
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In September I... 🐦Accidentally kidnapped a pigeon in an attempt to save his life 💋 Got fully kissable lips 🌄 Had an all nighter, like the old days, with @veritycumming 💷 Slept in a pod 💚 Smelled my past, dressed like my past 🎇 Tested out a lot of tights 💙 Got quite sick, got better again 😎 Laughed a lot ❤️ Fell in love, again and again...
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