Instagram story viewer> @vstrscenter> Tagged
2.7K
followers
248
following
A new shop, a gallery, a soft serve window for and by queers in Fire Island Pines.
๐Ÿ“Next to the pizza place
POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED
Glimpses of my sixth summer on Fire Island. Iโ€™m so thankful for this beautiful place and the people I get to experience it with. Iโ€™m sad to see the sun set on another summer, but Iโ€™m so grateful for the memories we madeโ€ฆ and some Iโ€™ll be glad to forget. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿซฃ
21
๐ŸŒพ 09.26 ๐ŸŒพ
19
Being gay can be difficult, being different can be harderโ€”in fact, itโ€™s exhausting. Youโ€™re picked on and bullied from the time youโ€™re a kid. Some of the people closest to you reject you for who you are, without you ever having harmed them. You grow up insecure about every decision, because you donโ€™t know who youโ€™re supposed to ask.

When puberty comes, hiding becomes the way to survive at least that was my case. My mom only knew the word โ€œMaricoโ€ (more commonly spelled maricoฬn, or marico in Venezuelan and Caribbean Spanish) is a slur for a gay manโ€”roughly equivalent to โ€œfaggotโ€ in English. Itโ€™s derogatory and offensive in that usage, and trans, and that youโ€™d probably die of HIV. I donโ€™t blame her, she just copied others, and was to busy raising two kids as a single mom for now to do research about her first son being gay. 

You grow up alone, trying to figure out not just your sexuality but your entire life, hiding from yourself and from others because now youโ€™re afraid of losing that new friend you just met at a random party in college, or you keep it secret because you donโ€™t want your friend Brigitte to uninvite you from her wedding thatโ€™s two months away. You build layers of scars and traumas that somehow harden into a heavy shield you carry on your back.

Surviving bullying becomes the norm, until you become the bully doing the same thing to others who never did you any harm. But it isnโ€™t your fault; youโ€™re copying what you saw all around you. Drugs become a way to let out the words no one allowed you to say as a kid, and sometimes they take away the urge to puke when you touch another man because they tell you are sick. I love you is the biggest lie youโ€™ll ever hear because you never learned to love yourself.

It took me 34 years to do this research on my own. I didnโ€™t know how much I could camouflage myself in a predatory society that would try to eat me alive the minute I left my naive nest.

There is more. I am still healing.
46
back to up