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I can come here and scream
As loud as I want
@florenceandthemachine
@belen_fab18 @chihiro.kawasaki_ @leaoroz @silas.gc
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At 18, I was officially diagnosed with anorexia, after hiding it was no longer an option, no matter how good I’d become at it. At about 19, I was given a few months to live. That might have been more terrifying if I weren’t already so used to feeling weak and exhausted that death simply seemed like the logical next step.

But there were some beautiful things in this world I just couldn’t let go of. And however fangirl this sounds, @florence ‘s music and art became this anchor for me - they gave me a strange combination of comfort and awe, a glimpse of a bigger, stranger and more beautiful world than the one I was trapped inside. I told myself that whenever she toured again, I just had to be well enough to dance at her concert. So I simply had to get better.

This year, I finally got to do it. I stood in a queue for 11 hours, somehow ended up being 22nd there, and had the time of my life. I danced my soul out and probably scared quite a few people with the way I screamed every lyric. I finished the first year of a degree I love, travelled, read, started dancing and running again, picked up an instrument-

I’m still very much alive.

I originally wanted this tattoo right after the concert. But I kept putting it off, waiting until I’d be officially “recovered” and life would just be easy. Thing is, I don’t think life is ever going to be easy. And there’s actually something rather liberating about that.

My sister once called me a moon person, and it stuck. I think I’ve always liked the idea of something that can change, have different phases, and still remain itself. I quite like the way moonlight can fracture on the surface of things without becoming any less beautiful. And maybe there’s something comforting in being a little fractured, too - and still full.🌕

Here’s to another year of messy life.

21, bring it on.

#anorexiarecovery #moonperson #florenceandthemachine
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