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maddison mcfadden

@yeahmads

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i’m funnier off the internet
nash, tn

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A miracle but not heaven sent
More like a freak accident

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loving this season already, good food, good friends, good times. grateful for the reconnections and the opportunities <3 lets go crazy for the summer 🍀✨

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we swore ourselves protectors from all the evil in the world

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I know love because it’s stored in the hands of the people that save seats for me at tables in my home town. To all my friends I got to see this week: I love you, I love you, I love you 💛💛💛

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there’s a spark, there’s a light
there’s a will, there’s a way out

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summer so far ☀️☺️ (documented by my friends because i suck at taking pictures 😔)

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May, you were honestly pretty good to me, despite some days. Can’t forgive you for making me say goodbye to so many wonderful people though. I’ll miss everyone a lot. 2000 miles away isn’t THAT far, right? At least I know it’s time for a new start. 🌊

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Four years.

It's been an adventure, but now I'm home.

Moved to Arizona for a year of school.
Moved to Nashville for an internship and made it my home for the other three.

I had a lot of firsts. First time living away from home, first time driving accross country, first apartment, first roommate, first time buying my own mattress, etc.

Made so many new friends, had hella cool roomies, had some super cool jobs and saw some bands that I will never forget.

I grew as a person, did some deep diving; I quit masking and started paying attention to triggers, whether they're sensory or emotional, started paying attention to my social battery and taking care of myself when I needed it.

I started to become more comfortable in my skin; chopping my hair off, dressing more comfortably, and became more comfortable with my queer and gender identity

I'm very thankful for how the last four years have treated me. I feel more steady.

One thing that always stuck with me, was the feeling of being surrounded by forests and mountains, and I missed it, a lot. Montana will never leave you, it will always be a part of you.

I moved back to Montana in April of 2024, and I deeply missed it. I missed family, I missed friends, I missed the mountains and the forests.

Thanks for accepting me back with open arms ❤️

For my friends that I've made a long the way, I miss you guys so much and one day, we'll go get boba and play some video games again 🖤

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I’ve done absolutely nothing of consequence the last few months other than just be okay.

I know I’ve let a lot of people down in my lifetime and offended even more. I’ve hurt people and confused them and bothered them in groups. As much as I wish I could say a collective apology to each and every person I’ve ever emotionally maimed, I think there’s some kind of parallel I’m learning regarding apologies and forgiveness.

In the same way that it takes strength and character to move on without getting an apology from someone that owes you one, I think it’s significant to be able to forgive yourself without being able to tell a person you hurt that you’re sorry. I mean that in the sense that you’re unable to provide the apology, not unwilling.

There are a great many things I’ve struggled to move on from, but most of them were scenarios of my own creation. My hands and words were used to harm as opposed to heal. I find it (almost) amusing how some people I used to know might think of me, considering who I am to my core.

The overarching theme that I keep coming back to though is that no one ever enters my life on accident and my only job is to grow. I fail all the fucking time, but I learn from it. Anyone that can’t or won’t provide space for me to grow near them wasn’t supposed to be in my life anyhow. It saddens me that my impact isn’t always positive because my intent almost always is.

I’m okay balancing being apologetic yet unapologetic at the same time. This whole life is a journey, and I’m still learning how to travel well.

What’re you doing to grow yourself, and how can you celebrate it in spite of others’ reactions to it?

(You’ve got this, kid)

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you said i’ll read it in your letter

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August 2023
Recently
Do you know what’s been fun?
Falling in love with someone
Deleting Snapchat and turning off notifications
Refusing to go to a few specific places
Learning patience from a new fur baby
Drinking hot tea again
Reading when I want to and not because I need an escape
Green things growing in my apartment and not killing them
Accepting help when it’s offered
Saying no when I need to
Not explaining my decisions
Learning to disagree with someone silently
Falling in love with my own body
Enforcing boundaries
Mostly
It’s just been living life and embracing normalcy
My nervous system couldn’t figure out what to do when I first introduced peace
And now that it’s here, I’m enjoying each moment as it’s own standalone experience
I hope you’re all well

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🍅 Into Tomato Fest? Not into Tomato Drinks? We’ve Got You 🍅

@yeahmads came up with our 5 Points Spritz for this weekend; honoring the tomato, but also keeping it out of your glass 🍹 Join us for brunch this weekend and snag this or our Tomato Jammin’ cocktail 🍅

♥️➕❌

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