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𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱?

Not because of who you knew or what you accomplished while you were there, but because of how the room made you feel.

I’ve always been fascinated by the way music can change the energy of a space. One minute, everyone’s in their own world. The next, people are smiling, moving, and connecting with complete strangers.

Photos by: @quiannamarie + @stephdorworth

As a psychiatrist, I know there’s so much more happening in those moments than we realize.

Music engages the parts of our brain involved in emotion, memory, and reward. Shared musical experiences can even strengthen our sense of connection.

𝗪𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹?

I thought about this while DJing as Dr. Vie™ at Speaker Era, surrounded by women who came together to find their voices, share their stories, and support one another.

It reminded me why I love being on both sides of the music, as a psychiatrist who studies the mind and as a DJ who gets to experience these moments firsthand.

Thank you, Steph Dorworth, for inviting me to be part of it. 🤍

My hope is that we start being more intentional about the experiences we create, whether it’s a conference, a corporate gathering, or simply bringing people together.

Sometimes the most meaningful thing people take home isn’t something they learned.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁.

If you’re creating an experience where you want people to feel that kind of connection, I’d love to collaborate!

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Have you ever been so focused on how your partner was showing up that you couldn’t see how YOU were showing up?

I have. It changed my life.

In my first marriage, there was love, but we pointed fingers. I saw his anger, his yelling, and what I wanted him to change. I couldn’t see how my words, criticism, reactions, and need for control contributed to our disconnection.

After that marriage ended, I recognized my blind spots. I decided to heal, grow, and learn healthy love.

One big discovery? What we need from our men isn’t always what they need from us!

We say we want a man to lead, take initiative, and show up confidently, yet we unknowingly correct, manage, and treat him like a little boy.

I had to release control, understand my triggers, regulate my emotions, and accept I couldn’t change a man. Only how I showed up.

Then came the test.

Years later, Mark went through a painful season with his family, and his frustration affected our marriage. But this time, I was different.

I’d done the work. I saw my patterns and owned my reactions. Now I had to APPLY it, with compassion and healthy boundaries.

Here’s the breakthrough: When I changed how I showed up, I gave the man I love an opportunity to show up differently, too.

Ladies, please hear me. We are NOT responsible for a man’s emotional maturity, his choices, or how he treats us. That’s his responsibility.

But we ARE responsible for how we show up. Our criticism, control, and reactions contribute to the distance we’re trying to close.

Self-awareness, respect, compassion, and boundaries create room for connection. It doesn’t guarantee he’ll change. He has to do his part, too.

That’s the beauty of healthy love. It’s not you against him. It’s the two of you against the problem. ❤️

Whether you’re single, dating, or married, we have to be willing to look at ourselves first.

Because we can’t change what we can’t see.

Healthy love matters. It really matters! Healthy love is built, and it’s available to all of us.

If you’re ready to recognize your patterns, gain clarity, and learn how to create healthier love, comment SESSION and I’ll send you information about

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I’ve been a professional speaker for years, but a few weeks ago I stepped onto the stage at @yourspeakerera to share a message that has become deeply personal to me and central to the work I do today:

THE MATTERS OF THE HEART MATTER.

Because they do.

For years, I spoke and trained on sales, persuasion, psychology and communication. I worked with incredibly successful women and watched many rise to the top of their fields.

And yet, no matter how successful we became, I kept seeing the same thing:

When the matters of the heart weren’t good, everything else was affected.

Our relationships. Friendships. Families. Work. Confidence. Leadership. Communication. How we show up in the world.

You can have the title, success and accomplishments, but we are human beings created for connection. What is happening in our hearts follows us into every room.

And the matters of the heart start with OURSELVES first.

How are we taking care of our own heart? Do we treat ourselves with kindness and respect? Before we point the finger at the people we love, we have to be willing to look inward first.

How am I showing up? What needs to change in me?

The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.

That is the heart of my signature keynote:

THE MATTERS OF THE HEART MATTER.

As a keynote speaker, I want to create more than a moment of inspiration. I want something to SHIFT in the room. I want audiences to see what they couldn’t see before and recognize what they have the power to change.

And yes, expect music, movement, laughter and passionate Cuban energy too. That’s part of who I am and how I connect with an audience.

This is the message I want to take into more rooms.

If you’re planning an event or looking for a podcast guest to have a real conversation about healthy love, relationships, self-awareness and communication, I’d love to connect.

Please DM me or email me at Charlene@charlenebyars.com.

Because success matters. Purpose matters. Our work matters.

And the matters of the heart matter, too.

And it starts with our own heart first.

Videographer: @stephdorworth
Make-up by: @dress_you_up_az .
Photographer @quiannamarie

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September camera roll…. Unfiltered. Unedited. I may or may not take too many selfies with my dogs. 😂🐾♥️

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This weekend, I stepped on stage and shared a message I believe with my whole heart. ❤️

I was proud to sponsor Speaker Era, created by my incredible friend Stephanie Dorworth, and grateful to share my story.

But what happened after I spoke is what I’ll never forget.

One woman told me, “For the first time, I realize it’s me. I get to create healthy love.” Another said those 15 minutes changed her life forever.

THIS is why I share.

For years, I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. In my first marriage, I focused so much on what my ex-husband needed to change that I couldn’t see how I was showing up. I truly felt like it was all him.

After I catastrophically left my marriage, I found myself in a therapist’s office and finally saw ME—my wounds, patterns, reactions and my part.

Not taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior. Taking responsibility for MINE.

That changed everything. I could heal. Grow. Mature. Learn. And eventually, I fell in love again. ❤️

Healthy love is BUILT. It’s LEARNABLE. And it’s possible for us.

But we have to ask ourselves:

What am I not seeing yet?
Have I taken responsibility for my part?
Do I have boundaries—and honor them?
Have I healed wounds from my past?
Have I learned to communicate in a healthy, mature way?
Can I regulate my nervous system instead of reacting?
Am I showing up the way I want the person I love to show up?
Do I truly love, honor and care for myself?

One of my biggest aha moments: KNOWING the work and LIVING it are two different things.

Transformation happens when we APPLY what we’ve learned. That’s how we grow and create healthier relationships.

That’s why I created the Love Stories Podcast. ❤️

Not subscribed on YouTube yet? Join our community of women learning, growing, healing and creating healthier relationships—with themselves and the people they love. Each week, you’ll learn practical tools you can actually APPLY to your own life and relationships.

Comment SUBSCRIBE and I’ll send you the link. ❤️

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Channeling some pop star vibes for my pre-keynote photo shoot at Speaker Era. Thank you @quiannamarie for setting the nerves at ease and making it such a fun experience. 📸

#strikeapose #vogue #photoshoot

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Still riding the HIGH from Saturday! 🎤✨💕
What an incredible experience getting to share my love of fashion, my passion for personal style, and a little bit of my crazy personality with a room full of amazing women!
There is truly nothing better than doing what you LOVE, having FUN while doing it, and inspiring women to show up as their most confident selves.
This petite powerhouse might be 4’11”, but my passion for fashion is anything but small! 😉💃
Here’s to stepping outside your comfort zone, chasing your passions, and saying YES to new experiences! This is just the beginning! 🥂
#PetitePowerhouse #WomenEmpoweringWomen #StyleWithConfidence #PersonalStylist

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I make other people seen for a living.

25 years of putting founders on TV, in magazines, and in celebrity hands. But for most of my life, I wasn’t seen myself.

Ironic, right?

A few years ago my mentor asked what I do. I said, “I do PR.”

She looked at me and said, “Why are you hiding behind two letters?”

She wasn’t asking about my elevator pitch. She was asking why I was still hiding. After everything.

So this weekend I stood on a stage in Phoenix and told my own story. All of it. Then I looked at a room full of women and said what she said to me:

Go be seen.

Nobody hands you permission. You give it to yourself.

If you’ve been playing small or hiding behind your clients, your title, or your two-letter answer, I see you. I was you. So tell me: where are you still hiding? Drop it below. I read every one.

Thank you to @stephdorworth and the women of @yourspeakerera for holding the space.

Chat soon,
Amy

Hashtags: #SpeakerEra #BeSeen #FemaleFounders #PRTips #WomenWhoLead PersonalBranding

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This is my era! #fashionspeaker #speakingmypassion #dressforthelifeyouwant

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So excited I pushed myself to take the stage. What a successful event!

Honored to share the same stage with these amazing ladies! 💕 @yourspeakerera

@anahata_wellness, @drstephdorworth @thesarahcard, @amybartko, @mscharlenebyars, @goldenheart.wellness, @soul_vibes_life_coach, @bestyledbybecky, @vidafirmlaw

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