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honestly - it is hard to see myself turn 25 so shortly after my little brother, who was never far behind me, left the path we were born on together, and I have spent the last month and a half reflecting on the abundance of love there is to give in a world that can take away the opportunity for its giving in an instant. I am not usually one for sentimentality, but I have come to learn, very quickly, how little control we have over anything but the choice to love anyway. 

I already miss my brother - my best friend - more than I can say: his sense of humor, his adventure, his gentleness. the little boy who used to fall asleep on the floor just so we could be in the same room. I admit that I have experienced great anger and sadness that many of life’s most joyful moments in the last few months have been suddenly cloaked in deep pain. a grief this pervasive is unforgiving & disorienting; it does not care what plans you made or where you were supposed to be.

so, here I am, experiencing a birthday anyway & with the people that remain, who I will continue to love, despite all the risk. & I will go on loving graham, even from across such a terrible divide. 

as suicide prevention month comes to a close, all I can say is that I promise doing this will be worth it. 🤍
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