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theconscienceswitch

@theconscienceswitch

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For most of my life, I thought forgiveness meant one thing:

Go back.

Go back because you’re a Christian. Go back because Jesus forgave. Go back because “forgive others as your Father in heaven has forgiven you.”

Lately, I’ve been questioning whether that’s what forgiveness actually means.

As someone raised in the Christian faith, I’ve been wrestling with this because the person I’ve struggled most to forgive is my ex-husband.

He was abusive. There was violence. There was fear. There was disrespect. Walking away wasn’t easy, but for the first time in years, I finally felt alive again.

So I asked myself a difficult question:

If I refuse to go back to someone who repeatedly hurt me, does that mean I haven’t forgiven them?

The more I reflected, the more I realized that maybe we’ve been combining several different decisions into one.

Perhaps these are actually separate choices:

• Forgiveness means letting go of the desire for revenge and refusing to let bitterness define my life.

• Reconciliation means restoring the relationship. This requires genuine repentance, accountability, and change from both people.

• Trust means confidence earned through consistent actions over time and it isn’t automatic. It’s earned through consistent actions over time.

• Boundaries means choosing distance to protect my peace, my safety, and my children.

• Justice means recognizing that forgiving someone doesn’t erase the consequences of their actions.

Those aren’t all the same thing.

I can pray for someone and still choose not to share my life with them.

I can hope they become a better person and still keep my distance.

I can forgive without pretending nothing happened.

Maybe forgiveness isn’t about pretending the wound never existed.

Maybe it’s about refusing to let the wound control the rest of your life.

My name is Ogechi Amajuoyi and I'm trying to make sense of life, one reflection at a time.

I’d genuinely love to hear your perspective.

PS: Photo is from 2016, the year that changed the trajectory of my life for the worse. I was already pregnant here. by @theconscienceswitch

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3 days ago

The man who tried to strangle me some years ago said I should be grateful he never beat me. (June 2021)🤡🤡🤡 Nigerian men sha lmao

Person wey smash multiple Heineken bottles through the window with myself and our one year old in the room to harm us says I should be grateful he doesn't beat me. (2018)

More to come. Stay tuned. by @theconscienceswitch

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25 days ago

Most times we hear that when a father dies, the family is turned upside down but NO. It's when a mother dies that this happens because the one who was supposed to stand in for his children would be excused by the patriarchy for being an irresponsible man.

If her mother's siblings didn't come to take them,he'd have still handed them over to his own family. Both cases can still potentially end up a bad story.

When a husband dies, nobody(in 99% of cases) even suggests to come take the children away but the father is the head of the family? These useless bunch that cannot do anything right if a woman's free labour isn't in the picture.

May Amadioha strike non-chalant and irresponsible men. by @theconscienceswitch

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a month ago

One thing I’ve noticed is that we teach girls how to endure, but we rarely teach them how to leave.

We teach them patience.
We teach them sacrifice.
We teach them forgiveness.
We teach them how to pray for a man.

But how often do we teach them boundaries?

How often do we tell them that love should not cost them their dignity?

How often do we tell them that “No” is a complete sentence?

That staying is a choice.
But so is leaving.

I am not advocating for disposable marriages. I am advocating for women who know that they are human beings before they are wives.

This is not to say that I do not see the changes that are already happening. The number of evolved, self-aware women has increased over the years, and that gives me hope. But for the women who are still being taught that endurance is their highest virtue, I hope they come to understand that they are important participants in shaping the future of Nigeria.

You cannot give what you do not have.

Women who know their worth are better equipped to teach both their sons and daughters the values of dignity, accountability, self-respect, empathy, and responsibility. We cannot raise boys to believe they are entitled to loyalty they do not reciprocate, nor raise girls to believe that self-abandonment is the price of love.

A better Nigeria will not be built only by teaching our daughters how to endure. It will also be built by teaching our sons accountability and our daughters self respect.

The goal is to build a society where doing the right thing becomes the norm and not the exception.

Our leaders were once children.

The homes we build today become the nation we inherit tomorrow.

My name is Ogechi Amajuoyi and I write because I believe that homes shape nations, children become citizens, and citizens become leaders.

Again, our leaders were once children. by @theconscienceswitch

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a month ago

One day, these kind of men would eventually tell us what women do to them that requires them taking a life they didn't create. Every morning, part of my prayers is that things never get this bad for me. God abeg, Marriage is not a do or die affair. If it's not working take a bow. Your kids and your future self need your healed version.

Another sister lost to marriage 😭😭😭😭 by @theconscienceswitch

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3 months ago

I remember being told that a friend who went back to her abusive husband is a wise and virtuous woman. Abuse isn't just physical. Their ability to even raise their voices at you, is already abuse and you should be getting out of there. 😭😭😭
#maritalstatusdoesnotdefineyou by @theconscienceswitch

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4 months ago

Let me paint a real picture.

I’m a full-time master’s student.
I have three kids.

Right now, I’m managing because school is in session, and there’s some structure—daycare, school hours, and support that somehow fits together.

But my summer schedule (May to August) is a different reality.

Monday and Wednesday mornings.
Tuesday from afternoon into the night.
Wednesday again into the evening.

Now add this:
figuring out childcare, pickups, drop-offs, summer camps, finding sitters, budgeting, coordinating time, making sure everyone is fed, safe, and okay.

All of it. On me.

And here’s the part people don’t like to admit:

Even if I was still married, I would STILL be solving these same problems. ALONE.

Same schedule.
Same logistics.
Same mental load.

So when people say, “At least marriage helps,” I have to pause.

Because help is not about title.
Help is about action.

And this is why the conversation around “broke men vs broke women” is always misunderstood.

A woman who doesn’t have money is still expected to:
- think
- plan
- organize
- nurture
- sacrifice
- carry the emotional and mental load of a household

She shows up with labor that is invisible but heavy. I would know, I'm a broke woman too.

So when she says she wants a partner who can at least ease the financial side of life, it’s not arrogance.

It’s balance.

Because if she’s already carrying everything else,
what exactly is she gaining by adding someone who doesn’t lighten any part of the load?

Right now, my life is not easy.
I’m stretched. I’m tired. I’m figuring things out in real time.

But I have peace.

And that peace comes from knowing that:
- every decision I make is intentional
- every effort is building something
- and I am not carrying someone who adds more weight to an already heavy system

This is not about struggle.
This is about clarity.

Sometimes, doing it alone is not the hard part.

Doing it with one who isn't in alignment is. by @theconscienceswitch

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4 months ago

Papaoutaï
Chanson de Stromae ‧ 2013

Dites-nous qui donne naissance aux irresponsables?
Ah, dites-nous qui?
Tiens, tout le monde sait comment on fait des bébés
Mais personne sait comment on fait des papas
Monsieur je-sais-tout en aurait hérité, c'est ça
Faut l'sucer d'son pouce ou quoi?
Dites-nous où c'est caché, ça doit
Faire au moins mille fois qu'on a
Bouffé nos doigts by @theconscienceswitch

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6 months ago

Something happened recently that made me stop and think.

Some time ago, in a WhatsApp group with former classmates, we were discussing victims of internet scams. One person was very firm in his opinion: anyone who falls for Yahoo boys is greedy. According to him, they wanted fast money, so whatever happened to them was their fault.

Recently, that same person reached out to me privately. He spoke about an illness he has been battling and asked for understanding. He also said he didn’t want the matter shared with the group.

It made something very clear to me.

Our words don’t disappear.
The way we judge people—especially when they are vulnerable—shapes how others see us and how safe they feel around us.

When we are quick to say, “It’s their fault”, “They were greedy”, or “They should have known better”, we are teaching people that empathy is selective.

This mindset is not limited to Yahoo boys.

It’s the same thinking that says:
• women should be careful at night, instead of men being told to stop harming women
• people should be extra careful, instead of society confronting those who cause harm

Yes, wisdom and caution matter. But a society that survives only by telling victims to “be careful” is already failing.

We don’t need people to be extra careful just to live peacefully.
We need fewer people causing harm and more people choosing empathy.

And yes—before anyone asks 😌
I did not sha help. I did not sha send any money sha.
Partly because I don’t even have (your girl is broke right now), but more importantly because I refuse to put myself in a position where I could become a victim of scam. A truly sick person would only be bothered about saving their lives and not about who thinks they are beggers.

How you speak about other people’s pain today may determine how others respond when it’s your turn to be vulnerable. by @theconscienceswitch

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6 months ago

A lesson I learned the hard way.

Years ago, when I was running my skincare business in Nigeria, I had to send a package to another state using Peace Mass Transit.

I was broke at that point in time. The kind of broke where you know exactly how many ₦1,000 notes are in your purse because you just withdrew the money from the ATM.

The delivery fee was about ₦2,000 if i remember accurately. I paid the agent. After a while, amidst conversing with another client, she looked at me and said, “You didn’t pay.”

At first, I doubted myself. But something told me to check my purse. I counted the money. I was ₦2,000 short.

So I calmly asked her to please reconfirm.

Instead of checking properly, she started shouting. Accusing me. Making it look like I was trying to dodge payment. People were staring. I was embarrassed.

Eventually, she found the money — it was stuck somewhere among her records.

No apology. Nothing.

I asked her to apologize. She refused.

That’s when I exploded.

I raised my voice. I caused a scene. The manager came. I explained everything. He made her apologize.

And yes — I was right.

But later, when the anger settled, I realized something uncomfortable:

I wasn’t just angry about the money.

I was angry because, at that point in my life, I felt insecure. Something was missing. Maybe chipped away little by little by circumstances. Or by choices. Or probably by a relationship that made me feel small.

So when a stranger treated me like I was nothing, I reacted like I had something to prove.

That day taught me this:

👉🏽 When you feel the need to prove your worth loudly, it’s often because it’s been quietly taken from you elsewhere.

Being right doesn’t always mean being healed.
And reacting doesn’t always mean you’re strong.

Sometimes, it’s just a signal that you need to rebuild yourself — gently, privately, intentionally.

Growth is learning how to stand firm without losing yourself in the process. by @theconscienceswitch

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7 months ago

Introducing...
The logical gender 😂😂😂
A "logical" man says "Brotherhood is proud" to a 33year old woman molesting a minor and you people say Patriarchy is wiser than Matriachy?? Jokers 🤡🤡🤡 by @theconscienceswitch

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8 months ago

Say a prayer for my Adanne, it's her birthday today.

#theconscienceswitch #birthdaywish by @theconscienceswitch

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9 months ago