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Intertwined Identities and the Fragmentation of Grief in What I’d Rather Not Think About 

Jente Posthuma’s novel, What I’d Rather Not Think About, translated by Sarah Timmer Harvey, delves into the profound and intricate bond between twins, exploring themes of identity, mental health, and the enduring impact of loss. Through a series of succinct vignettes, the narrative offers a poignant portrayal of a sister grappling with the suicide of her twin brother, reflecting on their intertwined lives and the void left in his absence. Central to the narrative are the twins, referred to as “Two” and “One“, designations stemming
from their birth order-Two being born 45 minutes after One. This numerical naming underscores their interconnectedness and the subtle distinctions in their identities. From childhood, their relationship is depicted as exceptionally close, with Two often perceiving their future as a shared endeavour:
“We discussed our future as if it were a joint project we had yet to begin.”

However, as they transition into adulthood, divergences emerge. One’s struggle with depression and his exploration of his sexual identity introduce complexities that Two strives to comprehend. Their once inseparable bond faces challenges as One seeks independence, leading to a poignant realisation for Two:
“I did want to live on my own, just with my brother.” 

The novel delves deeply into One’s battle with mental illness, portraying his journey with empathy and nuance. His involvement in various relationships and spiritual pursuits, including an association with the Bhagwan movement, reflects his quest for happiness and self-understanding. Despite these efforts, his internal turmoil persists, culminating in his tragic decision to end his life at the age of 35. This act leaves Two in a state of profound grief, prompting her to sift through his belongings and memories in search of answers. Two’s process of mourning is marked by sessions with a therapist, where she confronts her feelings of guilt,

These dialogues serve as a conduit for her to navigate the labyrinth of emotions associated with her brother’s death and to reconcile her own identity in the wake of his absence.

P by @theguillotinesque
0
19 days ago
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Vanity and cosmic disdain. by @theguillotinesque
1
24 days ago
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A Review of Pearl by Siân Hughes

Siân Hughes’ debut novel, Pearl, is a haunting exploration of grief, loss, and the enduring impact of a mother’s absence. Longlisted for the 2023 Booker Prize, the novel delves into the life of Marianne, a woman grappling with the aftermath of her mother’s disappearance when she was just eight years old. The central theme of Pearl is the profound and multifaceted experience of loss. Marianne’s life is shaped by the gaping hole left by her mother’s absence. The novel explores not just the immediate pain of loss but also its long-term effects on identity, relationships, and mental health. The title itself evokes the preciousness and irretrievability of what is lost. Hughes delves deeper than just emotional absence. The lack of a mother figure creates a void in traditions, cultural grounding, and a sense of belonging. Marianne searches for remnants of her mother’s heritage, a yearning to connect with the lost part of herself. 

Memory acts as a battleground in Pearl. Marianne tries to piece together fragments of her past to understand her mother and the events leading to her disappearance. 

The narrative structure reflects this fragmented memory, shifting between past and present, with moments blurring and bleeding into one another. Hughes also draws inspiration from the medieval poem Pearl, a dream vision about a lost child, highlighting the enduring power of stories to navigate grief. The poem itself becomes a fragmented memory, woven into the narrative, offering solace and a potential explanation for the mother’s disappearance. 

➡️

Pearl tackles the complex interplay between loss, trauma, and mental health. Marianne’s struggles with depression and anxiety are depicted with sensitivity. The novel doesn’t shy away from the raw vulnerability of mental illness and its impact on daily life. Marianne’s self-harming tendencies are a stark portrayal of the internal struggle to cope with overwhelming emotions. The narrative delves into the cyclical nature of trauma, where memories trigger episodes and vice versa, creating a constant battle for emotional stability.

Hughes’ prose is beautifully evocative, capturing the depths of Marian by @theguillotinesque
4
a month ago
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I was also searching for a house in which I could live and work and make a world at my own pace, but even in my imagination this home was blurred, undefined, not real, or not realistic, or lacked realism.
- Deborah Levy, Real Estate: Living Autobiography 3 by @theguillotinesque
2
2 months ago
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Summoning a rot… by @theguillotinesque
3
2 months ago
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Photography and Historical Realisation in On Photography

Susan Sontag’s On Photography critiques the relationship between photography and reality, questioning the notion that photographs are inherently truthful or objective. For Sontag, photography is fraught with interpretive complexity, as it manipulates the viewer’s perception of truth, authenticity, and history.

Sontag’s argument centers on photography as a form of documentation. She acknowledges that photography ostensibly captures a moment in time, offering a seemingly indisputable visual record of events. 

However, she contends that photographs do not merely document. They interpret and, in doing so, subtly shape the reality they seek to record. In her view, photographs offer only a fragment of reality, devoid of context and susceptible to manipulation. This perspective echoes that of philosopher Roland Barthes, who in Camera Lucida argues that photographs are as much about the subjective interpretation of the viewer as they are about the image itself. Barthes introduces the concept of the “punctum”, a detail in a photograph that pierces the viewer’s perception, imbuing the image with personal significance. In contrast, Sontag takes a more critical approach, positing that the allure of photography lies in its ability to “capture” reality while concealing the inherent partiality of its frame.

One of the central issues Sontag addresses is the proliferation of images and its effects on historical consciousness. She argues that photography, rather than enlightening the viewer, often leads to a kind of desensitisation. With the advent of mass media, people are bombarded with images, particularly those documenting suffering, conflict, and violence. Sontag posits that repeated exposure to such images dulls emotional responses, leading to apathy rather than empathy. In her analysis, photography, instead of fostering understanding, becomes a spectacle, transforming historical events into consumable, disposable moments.

[Susan Sontag, On Photography, Watermelon, Book Review, Book Photography, Photography, Cold Coffee, Iced Americano, Bookstagram]

However, Sontag’s argument that photography always entails a fo by @theguillotinesque
3
3 months ago
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A Conceit
- Maya Angelou 

Give me your hand

Make room for me
to lead and follow
you
beyond this rage of poetry.

Let others have
the privacy of
touching words
and love of loss
of love.

For me
Give me your hand.

Snake bite piercings done by @steve.80._ 🖤 Piercings are the focus, mainly snakebite piercings by @theguillotinesque
0
4 months ago
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James Hogg’s The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner stands as a radical pinnacle of Scottish Gothic fiction by weaponizing theological extremism into psychological horror. The novel’s central blasphemy is antinomian logic taken to its extremity, the claim that the elect are secured by grace and therefore released from ordinary ethical constraint. That doctrine breeds an atmosphere of spiritual paranoia, since every act can be reclassified as providential and every impulse as sanctified violence. The text repeatedly turns Calvinist certainty into dread, exposing how absolute predestination hollows out responsibility and permits sin to masquerade as election.

James Hogg deliberately blurred the boundary between fiction and documentary by planting material from his own earlier publication inside the novel. The supposed “editor” of The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner cites a letter by James Hogg himself concerning the discovery of a preserved suicide’s corpse. That letter was not invented for the novel. It had already appeared in Blackwood’s Edinburgh Magazine in August 1823 under the title “A Scots Mummy.” Hogg then incorporated the same document into the 1824 novel, effectively making himself a character and apparent historical witness within his own fiction. This metafictional strategy predates the techniques usually associated with twentieth century postmodernism by more than a century and reinforces the novel’s central uncertainty over truth, authorship, and supernatural testimony.

Hogg organises the episode through the doppelgänger motif and a sustained supernatural ambiguity, so that Gil-Martin functions as an apparently external double while also registering as the outward form of Robert’s psychic fracture. The text makes that doubleness legible through the confessional voice itself, which repeatedly slips between persecution, self-exculpation, and derangement, until the boundary between demonic agency and inward collapse becomes unstable. When Robert admits that “our beings are amalgamated” and that a power can “cause the shadow to relinquish the substance,” the language figures identity as divided, parasitic, and by @theguillotinesque
0
4 months ago
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Morbid appetence and sacrilege
… ভুরিভোজনটা অন্যায়, কিন্তু না-খেয়ে মরাটা উচিত নয় ভাই। আমি কেটেছেটে যতদূর সম্ভব খাওয়া কমিয়ে দিয়েছি। বেঁচে থাকতে যতটুকু দরকার খাই এবং দেশের সমস্ত লোক মরে গেলেও যদি সেইটুকু সংগ্রহ করার ক্ষমতা আমার থাকে, কাউকে না দিয়ে নিজেই আমি তা খাব। নীতিধর্মের দিক থেকে বলছি না, সমাজধর্মের দিক থেকে বিচার করলে দশজনকে খুন করার চেয়ে নিজেকে না-খাইয়ে মারা বড় পাপ।

ওটা পাশবিক স্বার্থপরতা।

কিন্তু যারা না-খেয়ে মরছে তাদের যদি এই স্বার্থপরতা থাকত? এক কাপ অখাদ্য গ্রুয়েল দেওয়ার বদলে তাদের যদি স্বার্থপর করে তোলা হত? অন্ন থাকতে বাংলায় না-খেয়ে কেউ মরত না। তা সে অন্ন হাজার মাইল দূরেই থাক আর একত্রিশটা তালা লাগানো গুদামেই থাক।
- কে বাঁচায়, কে বাঁচে!

– মানিক বন্দ্যোপাধ্যায়ে by @theguillotinesque
2
4 months ago
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…
Elder sister spills her blood,
younger sister breathes out flame—
sweet little Tomino alone
lets fall his shining jewels.

All alone, Tomino
falls into that hell—
a hell of utter darkness,
without even flowers.

- excerpt from Tomino’s Hell by Saijō Yaso (translation by David Bowles)

Tattoo underway by @cats.cradle.tattoos by @theguillotinesque
9
5 months ago
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I am always trying to convey something that can’t be conveyed, to explain something which is inexplicable, to tell about something I have in my bones, something which can be expressed only in the bones.
- Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena taken in Blue Tokai Coffee Kolkata by @theguillotinesque
5
5 months ago
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Womanhood, Poverty, and the Ethics of Representation in Clarice Lispector’s Hour of the Star

Poverty has historically been sentimentalised by the privileged even as the poor themselves are blamed for the conditions produced by class inequality. In Marx’s terms, the ideas of the ruling class become the ruling ideas, naturalising capitalist ideology and recasting structural deprivation as personal inadequacy. Literature has often reproduced this logic through decontextualised representations of poverty that reduce the lower class to symbols, scenery, or moral instruction rather than recognising them as fully human subjects with emotional and bodily reality.

Lispector’s Hour of the Star resists this tradition by refusing to aestheticise Macabéa’s suffering. Poverty in the novel is neither poetic nor morally ennobling; it is experienced as humiliation, erasure, and abandonment. The novel is not simply about a poor girl, but about the mechanisms through which a poor woman is perceived, narrated, and rendered legible through class distortion. Macabéa, a migrant living in Rio de Janeiro, inhabits a world in which poverty functions not as atmosphere but as structure, determining who is permitted visibility, dignity, and recognition as fully human. Written during 1970s Brazil, amid military dictatorship, rapid urban inequality, and the displacement of impoverished migrants into precarious city life, the novel transforms these historical realities into a critique of social and gendered invisibility.

The narrator’s discomfort deepens this critique, since the novel continually interrogates the ethics of speaking for another person’s suffering. From this point, womanhood itself emerges not as an innate condition but as something socially produced. Simone de Beauvoir’s assertion that one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman clarifies Lispector’s treatment of Macabéa. She is not failing femininity. Rather, she is denied the material and symbolic conditions through which femininity becomes socially recognisable.

… Continued in comments by @theguillotinesque
11
5 months ago
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