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Toàn.

@toanthomasnguyen

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aka tommy
📍baynam
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currently loading a clearer interpretation of my experiences..

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Oof, I don't think there's anything more sobering than when life absolutely sucks. Nothing else seems to bring self-reflection to such peak levels.

Difficult times tend to make neglected thoughts much louder than I usually hear it. As if suddenly, reality is easier to see and believe, while everything else pulling at me before to give my energy to, somehow just isn’t as convincing anymore. My vision declutters, and the landscape of my mind becomes crystal clear in a way that sometimes isn't, due to the typical distractions of life that can often capture my time and attention.

It has a way of forcing me to sit and wrestle with the uncomfortable discovery that there isn't any coping mechanism or anything in this world that can help me fully escape the harsh challenge of my circumstances, along with all of its depressing emotions. Almost, as if I can, for just a bit longer period of time, experience how dull and empty everything is outside of living a life given to meaning.

2022 was by far the hardest and most painful year of my entire existence. Unfair events mixed with the consequences from my own faults forced me to reconcile constructs, beliefs, false narratives, and lies functioning in my mind, that I avoided tackling for years. Lies that didn’t correlate with reality, nor contribute to what I envisioned the good life to be in my mind, or about what the good life even was. Lies about how little responsibility I had over my decisions, but how much as well. Also, just lies that presumed to misinform me about my worth and value, as though that hadn’t already been precisely measured and fixed. In the end, lies that proved to be a detriment to those I love most, including myself, rather than the benefit I had assumed.

I’m only now starting to get a whiff of the breath of fresh air I was longing for, and the sense that this chapter is finally closing. The year definitely forced me to learn a lot more than I wanted to, but I have gained so much more clarity, as a result. And I couldn't have done it without my beloved community, of course. Commemorating last year with a dump of some moments that stood out. Here's to 2023. I am grateful and beyond excited. by @toanthomasnguyen

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4 years ago

So being in fast cars is pretty fun? Grateful to be given another chance to live my life right. by @toanthomasnguyen

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9 years ago

I can't keep myself together. Can't even begin to understand. I just saw you two days ago at Yoshi's with your mom. So happy and so vibrant. More than I'd ever seen before. Man, this is painful. You were so nice and incredibly funny. The type of person to get along with anyone. I was so excited to go to LA and start hanging and making music with you. We were literally talking about it two freaking days ago. I'm gonna miss you so much, Neel. I'm a mess right now. I love you man. Rest in paradise, and I'll see you soon, Brother. by @toanthomasnguyen

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10 years ago

I got the chance to direct one of our school projects at school. Here’s a small taste of “Good Thing Good Time” - @gabebondoc. taken in Oakland School for the Arts by @toanthomasnguyen

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11 years ago

Playing around with slow motion. Sorry Kevin! 😂 by @toanthomasnguyen

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12 years ago