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Emily | Somatic Intimacy Guide

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In long-term relationships, sex can start to feel repetitive.

You know each other’s bodies. You know what works.

But that can lead to autopilot — and autopilot kills erotic energy.

Here’s the tip:

**Introduce novelty by changing the *context*, not just the technique.**

Try one of these:

🌒 Have sex in a different part of the house

🎧 Use music or blindfolds to heighten sensation

🗣️ Try a “desire dialogue” — each of you shares one thing you fantasize about (no need to act on it, just share)

⏳ Set a 20-minute timer where there’s *no goal* but touch and exploration

📚 Read an erotic story together out loud

It’s not about tricks. It’s about reawakening curiosity.

The erotic thrives in the unknown.

And even after years together, there’s still so much you don’t know about each other — and yourselves. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Ever felt turned on but not into it? Or mentally into the idea of sex, but your body just… wasn’t responding?

That’s called **arousal non-concordance.**

It means your physical arousal and your mental/emotional desire aren’t always in sync — and that’s not a problem. It’s actually a sign you have a *complex, intelligent nervous system.*

🧠 Your brain is reading context, safety, stress, and past experiences.

💓 Your body is responding to sensation, pressure, and presence.

This mismatch is common — especially for trauma survivors, people in long-term relationships, and honestly… most humans at some point.

Often, I hear from people who *want* to be more physically aroused — they’re mentally into the idea of sex, they care about their partner, and yet their body just isn’t on board. And that can feel frustrating or confusing.

But this isn’t something to push through.

When your body says “not yet,” **the most supportive thing you can do is slow down and listen.** Forcing it only creates deeper disconnect.

Instead, try this:

✨ Take 5 minutes to jot down any distracting or intrusive thoughts

✨ Ask your partner for something specific that would help you feel more at ease

✨ Handle the one task that’s mentally hijacking your focus — then come back

✨ Adjust the sexual container (e.g., “I’m a little sore today, can we skip penetration and focus on oral?”)

✨ Do a 5-minute breath practice or meditation together to co-regulate

And remember: if your body’s a no right now, **it’s okay to pause.** Your pleasure will be deeper — and more sustainable — when all parts of you are a yes. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Arousal and desire are not the same — and confusing the two can lead to so much disconnection, shame, or frustration in the bedroom.

✨ **Desire** is the mental or emotional *interest* in sex.

✨ **Arousal** is the physical *readiness* for sex (lubrication, erection, swelling, sensitivity).

And here’s the key: **you can have one without the other.**

You might *want* sex but your body feels flat.

Or your body might respond — wet, hard, sensitive — even if you’re not mentally into it.

This is especially common for people with vulvas.

Many experience what’s called **responsive desire**, where the body becomes aroused *after* connection, touch, or emotional safety is already present.

People tend to fall into two general patterns:

🔹 Some need emotional intimacy first to feel open to physical intimacy (often vulva owners).

🔹 Others use physical intimacy *as a way to access* emotional closeness (often cock owners).

Neither is better.

But understanding these differences helps explain why someone might *want* sex, but their body isn’t quite there yet — or vice versa.

Knowing this can help you meet your partner (or yourself) with more patience, clarity, and care. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Manifesto ✨🫶 taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

In my work, one of the practices that often sparks curiosity—and sometimes quiet apprehension—is genital dearmouring. Understandably so. The name alone carries weight. But the essence of this work is surprisingly simple: it’s about meeting the body with curiosity, presence, and care.

Genital dearmouring is a trauma-informed, body-based approach that invites individuals to explore areas of tension, numbness, or holding in the pelvic region—often places where we unconsciously store emotional or psychological residue. This might stem from early conditioning, unprocessed experiences, or simply the way our nervous system has learned to protect itself.

Through breathwork, attuned touch (you can do it for yourself!), and mindful somatic inquiry, the body is supported in releasing tensions or feelings—not forcibly, but through an invitation to feel and to *be felt*.

This is not a fix-it model.

There is no goal.

Instead, it’s a practice of deep listening.

People often report an increased sense of aliveness, emotional clarity, and a more grounded relationship with their body—not in a performative sense, but as an internal resource. It’s part of the broader shift from performance-driven intimacy to presence-based connection.

If you’re in a chapter of exploring embodiment, sensuality, or simply getting to know your body beyond what you’ve been taught—it might be worth sitting with this question:

**What stories have I inherited about this part of me—and which ones am I ready to release?**

—

I work with people who are ready to explore these questions through a blend of somatic practice, parts work, and mindfulness. This work is as much about safety as it is about transformation. taken in London, Unιted Kingdom by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

I’m just going to say that I don’t always like where my partners boundaries are and sometimes I want something different. I think that’s totally normal.

Sometimes he doesn’t want to eat lunch with me because he’s finishing a project.
Sometimes he’s really tired and wants to go to sleep when I’m ready for fun
Sometimes he wants to spend time with a friend instead of being a goober with me.

Boundaries don’t always feel good.
Sometimes they sting. Sometimes they disappoint.

The question then becomes, how can I see those boundaries as an act of self love and him taking care of himself to the best that he can?

”Thanks for prioritizing the work that needs to get done so that you can be less stressed later.”
”I know sleep is really important to you and helps you feel better. Thanks for prioritizing what makes you feel best.”
”Of course you should go see your friend! I want you to have wonderful, supportive friendships. I’m happy you’re nurturing that connection”

It feels so increadibly good to have our boundaries not only tolerated, but celebrated. This is such a gift to give anyone I love and is always a work in progress. taken in New York by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

If you’ve experienced trauma, your relationship to pleasure might feel… complicated.

You might feel more comfortable being sexy with strangers than with someone you love.

You might feel shame, fear, or even panic when something starts to feel good.

You might find yourself:
🔸 Flooded with guilt or the feeling that you’re “bad”
🔸 Slipping into performance instead of presence
🔸 Bracing for something to go wrong the moment you start to relax

These are not failures. They are adaptations.
Your body made sense of what happened.

You’re doing the best you know how to do under bad circumstances.

Understanding these patterns is one of the first steps to change. ♥️# taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Touch can be medicine—

when it’s attuned,
when it’s chosen,
when it’s given with care.

Safe, loving touch doesn’t just feel good. It rewires our inner world.
💫 It interrupts shame.
💫 It soothes old survival patterns.
💫 It restores our right to feel… cherished.

This is how the body remembers what love can feel like. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

For the part of you that feels like it’s too much...
For the part that thinks it’s not enough...

This is a love note.
A reminder.

A hand on your back saying:
You’re not broken.

You don’t have to do this alone.
You matter—already.

Breathe.
Receive.

Let the words wash over you. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Anger isn’t a problem.
Repression is.

Your body needs somewhere to put that fire.
Not on someone else. Not buried inside.
But out.

Try this:
🧍 Find a safe space where you can be alone
🎵 Put on an angry song
🥊 Hit a pillow, lift something heavy, scream into your bed

Give yourself 1–3 songs of permission
—to move the energy through.

It doesn’t have to look pretty. It just has to move. Do it BEFORE you think you need it.

Moving feelings allows us to come back to our loved ones calmer, grounded, with more patience. Not allowing our feelings to exist will cause angry outbursts and/or shutting down all feelings (including joy!). taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

A few words from those who’ve experienced my somatic work. ✨❤️‍🩹 by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago

Healing from trauma requires time, energy, work, and intention. It requires us to look at things that might not have been found otherwise — things that will make intimacy better, more fulfilling, and more joyful if we make it through the challenging times.

People who don’t have a reason to look at their darkness will stay where they are and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just a different path.

People who really look at the darkness, the challenge, the trauma, have a more complex and nuanced understanding of intimacy. The challenges are harder and the highs are higher. taken in Los Angeles, California by @touchingmindfulness

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a year ago