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Uncle Hellguy

@unclehellguy

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Army vet. Vegan. Buddhist. Biker.
Fabricator, storyteller & professional bullshit detector.
Ride long. Question everything. 🏍️

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🚨 FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE SPECIAL! 🚨

VINTAGE WORK TRUCK — $18,500 FIRM!

🔥 NO LOWBALLERS! I KNOW WHAT I GOT! 🔥

Selling my classic work truck. Hate to see her go, but I’ve got too many projects.

THE GOOD:

✅ Ran when parked. Exact year currently being investigated by archaeologists.

✅ Minor surface rust. Some of the surfaces are now completely missing.

✅ Custom weight reduction package. Factory steel has been replaced with fresh air.

✅ Excellent ventilation. Air conditioning works whether you want it to or not.

✅ Custom flatbed with complimentary lumber. Perfect for anyone looking to build a house or finish burying this truck.

✅ Original patina. Mother Nature spent decades perfecting this finish.

✅ No annoying check-engine light. Pretty sure the dashboard decomposed.

✅ Plenty of life left. Mostly growing in the bed.

THE BAD:

Could use a little TLC.

Might need a battery.

Possibly an engine.

Some structural components.

And a fucking exorcism.

PRICE IS FIRM!

Don’t message me asking if it’s available. If the vegetation hasn’t completely swallowed it, it’s available.

SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY!

Bring cash, a trailer, an updated tetanus shot, and possibly a priest.

NO TRADES UNLESS YOU HAVE A RUNNING VEHICLE OR A FUNCTIONING TIME MACHINE.

THIS AIN’T A BARN FIND. IT’S A CRIME SCENE WITH A VIN NUMBER. 🤣🤘

#UncleHellguy #FacebookMarketplace #RanWhenParked #NoLowballers #IKnowWhatIGot by @unclehellguy

Ride or die. Until the tacos are gone. 🌮🐾

This is Nikki. My loyal companion, trusted sidekick, and best friend.

Or so I thought.

She’ll stand by me through thick and thin, good times and bad, sickness and health.

Provided there’s a reasonable expectation of tacos.

Look at those eyes. That’s not love. That’s a hostage negotiator assessing the situation.

I’m beginning to suspect that if someone broke into the house carrying a bag of Taco Bell, she’d help the bastard load the TV.

And once the last taco disappears? She’s gone. No goodbye. No explanation. Not even the courtesy of pretending she still gives a shit.

I’d take a bullet for this dog. She’d trade me for a tortilla.

Heartbreaking. 😂🌮🐾

#UncleHellguy #RideOrDie #DogLife #TacoLoyalty #Betrayal by @unclehellguy

Throwback to Branson, Missouri, last spring. 🐎🤘

After a lifetime of riding motorcycles, I figured it was time to see what all this horseback riding bullshit was about.

One horsepower. Zero traction control. Suspension apparently designed by a sadist.

No helmet, no safety briefing, and absolutely no consideration for the innocent bystanders.

I climbed aboard, grabbed the reins, and rode that magnificent bastard like I had a warrant out for my arrest.

I’ll tell you one thing. I’ve ridden some questionable shit in my life, but this was the first time I worried about getting bucked off in front of a gift shop.

The five-year-old waiting behind me can kiss my ass. I was having a moment.

You’re never too old to ride something stupid. 😂🤘

#UncleHellguy #BransonMissouri #Throwback #BikerHumor #Horsepower by @unclehellguy

Well, here’s a fucking milestone I never expected to reach.

I’ve spent my life on two wheels. I’ve ridden through rain, heat, bad roads, and worse decisions. I’ve broken down, gotten back up, and kept riding.

These days, my new ride has four wheels, a basket, and a goddamn cup holder.

The irony isn’t lost on me. I’ve spent years riding motorcycles for the freedom, and now I’m using this contraption just to get around my own house.

My youngest has officially deemed me unkillable, so apparently I’ve got a reputation to live up to now.

But here’s what I’ve learned.

You can take away my motorcycle for a while. You can slow me down. You can put enough metal in my body to make a scrap dealer interested.

But you don’t get to take away who the fuck I am.

I’m still a biker. I’m still a smartass. I’m still the same stubborn bastard I’ve always been.

And a month into this recovery, I’m still here. Still healing. Still making progress. Maybe it’s not as fast as I’d like, but progress is progress.

This isn’t the end of the road.

It’s just one hell of a pit stop.

And when I’m ready, I’ll be back on two wheels.

Until then, keep the rubber side down. Apparently, I’ve got an extra one to worry about now.

And yes, I’ve got my bell. It may not have the roar of a motorcycle, but it still lets people know I’m coming.

* Uncle Hellguy
Ride safe and keep the rubber side down.

#UncleHellguy #MotorcycleRecovery #BikerLife #HarleyDavidson #StillRiding by @unclehellguy

HARLEY-DAVIDSON EXECUTIVES: YOUR SEAT IS WAITING.

Two weeks. Two wheels. No corporate bubble.

Here’s my challenge to Harley-Davidson’s executive leadership and Board of Directors:

Pick any Harley you want. Pack your saddlebags. Spend two weeks riding across America.

No corporate entourages. No luxury hotels. No staged dealership receptions.

Camp in a tent. Stay in a cheap cabin. Ride in the rain. Eat at roadside diners. Talk to riders at gas stations and around campfires.

Most importantly, LISTEN.

Talk to the lifelong Harley owners, the first-time buyers, the independent mechanics, and the riders who love their bikes but have lost faith in the company.

Harley-Davidson isn’t just a motorcycle manufacturer. Its customers built a culture around those machines.

You can’t understand that culture from a boardroom.

I’ve emailed this proposal to Harley-Davidson and asked that it reach the company’s leadership.

@harleydavidson, your seat is waiting.

Get out of the boardroom. Get into the saddle.

Riders: What would YOU tell Harley’s leadership around a campfire?

* Uncle Hellguy
Respect the rider. Challenge the establishment.

#GetBackInTheSaddle #HarleyDavidson #UncleHellguy #HarleyRiders #MotorcycleCommunity by @unclehellguy

Three weeks ago, a motorcycle accident put me in the hospital with a collection of broken parts and a whole new appreciation for modern pharmaceuticals.

Now I’m home, recovering, and under strict orders not to ride.

Unfortunately, nobody explained to my brain that we’re taking a break from motorcycles.

So here I sit, watching somebody else enjoy the twisties, leaning into imaginary corners, and trying to figure out how to get this damn thing into sixth gear.

The suspension sucks, the handling is questionable, and the exhaust sounds suspiciously like a fart.

But the seat’s comfortable, the scenery is beautiful, and I haven’t had to stop for gas once.

You can take the biker off the motorcycle, but good fucking luck getting the motorcycle out of the biker.

Ride safe out there. I’ll catch up. 🏍️🤘 by @unclehellguy

This explains so much. Currently at 11 and counting. #carcaineaddict #harleydavidson #jeep by @unclehellguy

Apparently this is what ChatGPT thinks I do all day. Not too far off. #fronkies #fronkiesdesignandfabrication #langmuirsystems by @unclehellguy

My wife hooked me up for my birthday. Blacked out, no chrome, and low to the ground. Just the way I like them. I’m gonna take this baby for a spin. Watch out ladies. The old man is gonna be cruising your streets on the prowl. by @unclehellguy

If you don’t laugh we can’t be friends. by @unclehellguy

If you’re gonna do a thing, do that thing with eyes wide open. LOOK at what you contribute to. Thanks @thebeardedveganone for sharing. #govegan #openyoureyes by @unclehellguy

by @unclehellguy