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UnderCat Art

@undercatart

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Some of my paintings were given titles when I completed them but there were a handful that I still had to name when putting together my exhibition. For these I thought back to when I worked on them and where I was in my journey. The titles came easily.

Once I was done and was in the process of installing the work, I realized that a sentence had formed. This was completely unplanned but when the paintings are placed in order the titles read, **CHRONICALLY** I **QUESTION** the **PROCESS** of **CHANGE,** **POST** loss, and **WITNESS** the **PARTIALITY** of **SPACE**.

Even though the creation of these pieces took place over a number of years, the message they create could not be more true for me today. As I learn how to live a life after losing my parents I interrogate the meaning of the everyday and how we individually change as people after deep loss. Although I feel my parents with me, they exist in a way that is partial compared to before. Their essence is not tangible but is most certainly real. They exist in the negative space of the fragmented version of me. A space that I hope to hold onto forever.

This is the final week of solo show “Inside Out” at the Pawling Free Library. The final day is August 29th. I will be there that afternoon so feel free to stop by - the library closes at 4pm.

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY 12564

#acrylicpainting #painting #mental-health #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

2

2

a month ago

Tomorrow is opening day. Crazy that it is finally here.

This piece, “chronic”, will be featured at my solo show “Inside Out” at the Pawling Free Library from August 8-29. The opening is tomorrow, August 8th, 2-4pm.

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY 12564

#acrylicpainting #painting #mentalhealth #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

3

2

2 months ago

This body of work was not created from a predetermined concept or formal plan.

These self-portraits emerged gradually whenever I sat down with an ink pen, paper and a moment to myself.

The earliest drawings were created during a period of severe physical fatigue caused by a medical condition. Later works appeared while caregiving for my ill mother.

The most recent pieces were developed during the bargaining stages of grief following the loss of both my parents in 2025.

During periods of rumination I allowed the lines to surface instinctively within sketchbooks.

After 4 years these drawings evolved into acrylic paintings that now function as external representations of my internal self. A self negotiating anxiety, social perception, solitude and immeasurable grief.

Solo exhibition
“Inside Out”
August 8 - 29

Opening August 8, 2pm-4pm

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY 12564

#acrylicpainting #painting #mentalhealth #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

5

1

3 months ago

Honestly I don’t remember why I decided to pick up ink pens in 2020. During the early stages of the Covid-19 pandemic, retail stores finally started to open up so I grabbed some pencils and a pad from Michael’s to keep busy. That sparked my reintroduction to drawing after a decades long break. I then headed to Blick in search of colored pencils and at some point I grabbed a micron ink pen.

Rather suddenly, squiggly black lines took formation. Within weeks there was a significant trajectory change and self portraits emerged. This was one of the first pieces I created that eventually shaped what I would continue exploring. It was made during a period of intense chronic fatigue caused by a (still) undiagnosed condition. When creating these pieces I do not think or plan what I am doing. I just let the pen go where it may.

This piece, “question”, will be featured at my solo show “Inside Out” at the Pawling Free Library from August 8-29. The opening is August 8th, 2-4pm.

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY 12564

#acrylicpainting #painting #mentalhealth #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

5

3

3 months ago

“Being an artist is a long career. There’s a lot to do and truly opening oneself to oneself is that hardest work you can possibly do.” - Anish Kapoor

There are some times when I can sit down and create a piece from start to finish in one sitting. Other times I start a piece and move on - only to revisit it months later. I find viewing a work with fresh eyes allows me to assess it truthfully and let me know if it is worth moving ahead.

With “Process”, I had the beginnings of the work - the inside of the head - completed over a year ago. When revisiting the work late last year the answer revealed itself. I added the eyes and frame of the head and it came together.

This piece will be featured at my solo show “Inside Out” at the Pawing Free Library from August 8-29. The opening is August 8th, 2-4pm.

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY 12564

#acrylicpainting #painting #mentalhealth #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

4

1

3 months ago

*************************************************
This body of work was not created intentionally. I didn’t plan a concept or sketch out
ideas. These self-portraits came out whenever I sat down with an ink pen, paper and a moment
to myself.

The first pieces came during a period of severe physical fatigue caused by a medical
condition. Later work appeared while care giving for my ill mother.

The most recent works were created during the bargain stages of grief, after both my parents passed away in 2025.

During periods of rumination I sat down and allowed the lines to surface in a sketchbook.

After 4 years I turned these drawings into paintings that serve as external representations of my internal self. A self negotiating anxiety, social perception, solitude and immeasurable grief.

Solo exhibition
“Inside Out”
August 8 - 29

Opening August 8, 2pm-4pm

Pawling Free Library
11 Broad Street
Pawling, NY

#acrylicpainting #painting #mentalhealth #exhibition #selfportrait by @undercatart

2

1

4 months ago

This is my second completed self portrait following the loss of my mother.

Ma passed on December 31, 2024. When the time came that evening, I spent a couple of hours with her, telling her over and over how much she had given us—how deeply she would be missed by so many, and how much I love her… with all my heart.

By the end of the evening I experienced peace, gratitude and relief. I believe this was all part of acceptance. A level of acceptance I never knew I could achieve and one that arrived after after a very long journey.

When I was 20 years old my mom suffered a major heart attack and for the next 30 years I feared losing her every day. It was something that impacted some of my life choices. I moved back to NY from London to help with a family emergency that directly impacted my mom. I also knew I had to be near to care for her as she aged.

I learned how life could change in an instant at age 16 when my grandmother died suddenly at home one Sunday in the presence of me and my mom. The last words I said to my grandmother were “leave me alone.” It was obviously teenage petulance on full display but the interaction left an indelible mark on me and how I interacted with loved ones. So, since 1994 when my mom had a heart attack, I did all I could to provide love and support while managing my fear of losing her.

To move from that space into one of peace, gratitude, relief, and acceptance has been a decades-long journey. Ma earned her reputation as a fighter by defying all odds to live a full and accomplished life. I accepted that her time had come, and feelings of fear and self-doubt dissipated on the evening of December 31st.

My self portraits are external representations of my internal self. They are tangible representations of intangible emotions, experiences and states-of-being.

#grief
#loss
#mother
#drawing
#mentalhealth by @undercatart

9

2

a year ago

This is my first completed self-portrait following the loss of my mother.

My experience caregiving for my mom was full of frequent moments when I felt I wasn’t doing enough or was making the wrong decisions. I now know that few things have the ability to completely strip you of who you think you are. The imminent loss of a close loved one is one of those things.

There came a stage when Ma and I no longer made decisions about her health together. As her dementia progressed I became the final decision-maker regarding her health, well being, and life. The pressure almost broke me. The feelings of helplessness, second-guessing, loneliness, self-doubt, fear and guilt will take time to heal - or may never fully go away.

My self-portraits are external representations of my internal self.

Freehand #micron in #talens #sketchbook

#mentalhealth
#drawing
#grief
#loss
#mother by @undercatart

4

1

a year ago

“Empathic Phantoms” is an illustrated series of anthropomorphized emotions.

These manifested psyches represent an effort to externalize anxiety and depression as a dissociative mental exercise and device. The process of creating physical beasts that embody the confusion and disillusion of maintaining mental balance allows me to manage the many challenges that are presented every day.

Freehand #micron in #talens #sketchbook

#mentalhealth
#drawing by @undercatart

4

1

a year ago

———————————————-
To be anchored by something,
imaginary
The belief, unshakeable.
The next day promise,
that never comes.

For all that was to be
has already passed.

And floating in a
maelstrom of distraction
now presents a full formed
reality.

#blackandwhitephotography
#grief by @undercatart

6

1

2 years ago

“Empathic Phantoms” is an illustrated series of anthropomorphized emotions.

These manifested psyches represent an effort to externalize anxiety and depression as a dissociative mental exercise and device. The process of creating physical beasts that embody the confusion and disillusion of maintaining mental balance allows me to manage the many challenges that are presented every day.

Freehand #micron in #talens #sketchbook

#mentalhealth
#drawing by @undercatart

4

1

2 years ago

“Empathic Phantoms” is an illustrated series of anthropomorphized emotions.

These manifested psyches represent an effort to externalize anxiety and depression as a dissociative mental exercise and device. The process of creating physical beasts that embody the confusion and disillusion of maintaining mental balance allows me to manage the many challenges that are presented every day.

Freehand #micron in #talens #sketchbook

#mentalhealth
#drawing by @undercatart

1

1

2 years ago