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welcome to my digital diary.
start at the bottom. read upward.
this story unfolds daily—for a while. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚊𝚢 2 𝙶𝚘

I wasn’t playing hard to get. I actually was hard to get.

I had already sworn off boys—now athletes especially—because I didn’t respect their game.

By the end of my first semester, I’d curved plenty of “top recruits.” Some now in actual leagues. My method was simple: ignore them and let them watch me. For the few who were bold enough to DM me, my dry response to their predictable “yo wassup 👀” usually ended the conversation quickly.

I wasn’t intentionally rejecting athletes. I was rejecting everyone. Athletes just happened to be the primary archetype interested in me.

And once it became clear that I wasn’t going to their private parties, wasn’t entertaining their ego, and wasn’t playing along—the sea of blue checks lurking my page slowly started to thin out.

And I could not care less. I didn’t want “The One” to be an athlete.

Song: Long Way 2 Go by @cassie

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

“𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎”

My first time seeing him in person was freshman year. FAMU Homecoming. Potbelly’s.

My roommate at the time was talking to his friend—who actually went to my school. That One had come down to visit for Homecoming during his off-season.

The party had just ended, and we were standing in a crowded street outside the club. He stared at me from across the sidewalk but never approached. I wasn’t about to approach him either—leaned up against the wall with his posse—especially since he wasn’t even my type.

So I left without speaking to him.

Later that night, he DM’d me for the first time: “wyd.”

And that immediately pissed me off.

He saw me in person and couldn’t speak—but had the audacity to dm me “WyD” at 3AM?

I had been there and done that. He wanted to keep his interest a secret. He was the same as the other athletes, expecting me to jump for joy onto his d*ck because of his blue check (this was before you could buy one 🙄). Expecting me to chase. Him and his status the catch.

I opened the message like 30 hours later and said, “my bad, just seeing this.”

He unfollowed me shortly after. Lol.

And honestly? I forgot about him.

Song: Whatever You Like by @tip

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

We first crossed paths my freshman year of college. He was (is) a professional athlete—not in college, but only a few years older than me. He followed me early in my first semester, right when my page started gaining traction.

I was slightly flattered, slightly entertained, but mostly indifferent. Because of my vow.

I noticed the blue check, but I didn’t notice HIM. He blended into the sea of blue checks that had started lurking on my page.

But after a while, I did notice something. He was consistently my first story viewer. For like… two months straight. And I posted a lot. It was giving post notifications on. Giving… obsessed.

Which I found ironic, because I’d already picked up on the pattern of other athletes. Their M.O. was minimal effort: like a few posts, watch your stories, maybe follow you—but rarely DM first. And they definitely wouldn’t follow you longer than a few weeks. They gave just enough time for you to fangirl. But never enough to be seen as a fan themselves.

He was different.

I noticed. But I ignored him.

He wasn’t my type. And he definitely didn’t seem like “prince charming.”

Song: Obsessed by @mariahcarey

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

But I got a lot of attention from men going into college. Avoiding them took constant effort—both in person and online.

The sudden boom of interest was unexpected. I was fresh out of the COVID-19 pandemic, during which I’d apparently had a significant glow up while locked in the house from ages 16 to 18. I went into quarantine a high school junior and came out a college freshman. I’d matured, gotten my braces off, filled out, found my style, and learned how to do my hair and makeup.

Like most people during the pandemic, I grew an interest in social media—posting cute pictures and staying active just to feel connected to society. My Instagram started gaining traction.

I got even more attention after hosting my own senior prom when my school canceled ours. Then I made an inspirational college commitment post—showing both my rejections and acceptances, encouraging people not to compare themselves—and that went viral too.

So when I officially committed to FSU—a D1 university—and landed in Tallanasty, the bees swarmed. Mainly athletes.

Including that One.

Song: Tell Me by @bobbyvshow
Choreo: Slave 4 You @britneyspears
Audio belongs to the rightful owner.

#slave4u #tellmebobbyvalentino by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚅𝚘𝚠

Going into college, I knew the culture. Hookups. Casual. No strings attached.

But I also knew myself. Casual had never worked for me, and it always left me feeling worse. So while everyone else explored, I curved. No romance. No situationships. No distractions.

I knew how easily a guy could derail my life. How easily I could lose focus. (And I had declared a Chemistry major—paying out of state tuition—I quite literally couldn’t afford to NOT focus. )

I didn’t want anything that felt temporary. I didn’t want to be a moment. I was saving myself for something real. Someone real. I wanted to be in love, not in a toxic entanglement. And I knew that love wasn’t found freshmen year of college.

So I intended to keep my head down. And I vowed to save myself…for my “The One.”

Song: Young & Beautiful by @honeymoon

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

𝙾𝚗 𝙿𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕

I am an obsessive person.

I was obsessed with my first crush, my first boyfriend, my last crush, and pretty much every romantic potential in between. Each time, the obsessing got worse—mostly fueled by my daydreaming—and I grew more attached to the potential of the boy instead of his reality.

I hid it well though. Played it cool. None of them knew I was obsessed.

Until right before college, I was embarrassed by how deeply I’d fixated on a mediocre guy. And he knew his power over me. And he played me well.

I was re-posting “quotes” on my story to get a reaction, constantly FaceTiming him, stalking his various accounts’ activities—✨all the things✨—until I snapped out of it. And when I did, I became really bitter.

I realized how corny it was. How desperate I looked. This was the first time I admitted that maybe this wasn’t just “loving hard.” Maybe it was a problem.
I vowed to never publicly declare my romantic feelings again. To never beg a man to choose me again.

And I convinced myself that my obsessiveness was actually love. That I had such a huge capacity for it that it needed to be saved for “The One.” Because if my love was this intense, only my soulmate could handle it.
So I went into college swearing off boys altogether.

Song: Potential by @summerwalker

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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5 months ago

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎
October 2025

I never told this One how I felt about him. In fact, I ghosted him—even though I was really obsessed with him. And not in a funny, haha, cute way. Obsessed to the point where it scared me how crazy I was. Where I started to wonder if I actually had a serious problem.

Not only was my obsession with him emotional—it was physical—which hadn’t happened to me before. I was so obsessed with him that I sabotaged what we had, because I KNEW that if he saw the real me and didn’t like me…I wouldn’t survive it. So I chose to endure the pain of “what could’ve been” over the pain of “what was.”

This choice was out of fear that we would inevitably come to an end. Out of fear that fairytales—the very thing I wanted most—were never meant to be true.

Song: We Could’ve Been by @hermusicofficial

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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9 months ago

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔
October 2025

So, it started with a boy. One I was obsessed with—and started losing my mind over. I’ve always wanted my own fairytale love story. And I thought that he and I were going to be that. But I had this belief that for my love story to be perfect, like a fairytale, I had to be perfect. And I met who I thought was The One—my prince charming—right at the height of my insecurity over my imperfections.

I’ve always believed that life is about Love—what you love, and what you do for what you love. But we have to be careful that it’s really Love driving our Choices, and not Heartbreak over a love that didn’t work out. Heartbreak skews your decision-making. Sometimes it’s a thin fog that you get used to seeing through. And heartbreak-driven choices only lead to a bigger hole than the one that was there to begin with.

Song: Broken-Hearted Girl by @beyonce

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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9 months ago

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚅𝙸𝙸 — 𝚃𝚘 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝙼𝚎

LoVe yOuRsELf. ChOoSe YoUrSeLf.

This was the unrelenting advice shoved down my throat while I was desperate to get over my heartbreak. Is that really all everyone’s got for someone who’s down bad? “Love yourself”? “Know your worth”?

I know I sound like a bitter, heartbroken person—LOL. But honestly, I got so sick of the advice that I finally decided to take it.

I started this page because of that One—because I thought losing him meant losing love. But now I realize it might’ve been the only way for me to learn what real love actually is. The kind that starts within.

This page is dedicated to me choosing the real me. Loving myself by finding a love within. Starting with my first love—dance.

Whoever reads this will have a firsthand account of my journey through this tough, lonely process. Let’s see where it takes me.

- June 2023

Song: Lose You to Love Me by @selenagomez

Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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9 months ago

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚅𝙸 — 𝚃𝚘 𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎
 It’s easier to forgive you for being an a**hole than it is to forgive myself for being stupid.

Forgiving you means I wasn’t stupid. It means convincing myself you weren’t that bad, so I wasn’t stupid for falling for you.

Forgiving myself means admitting that I was. Stupid for falling for what was your game and not your love. One I didn’t see… or chose not to see.

Forgiving myself is the harder choice—especially after all this time. But forgiving you by convincing myself that you don’t deserve to not be forgiven is delusional. A delusion I might never escape.

So how can I do both— forgive you and myself? When one choice means feeling better now but hurting later, and the other means hurting now but being free later?

I just don’t want to feel more pain.

- July 2023

Song: i hate u i love u by @gnash @oliviaobrien by @user08.24.03

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9 months ago

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚅 — 𝚃𝚘 𝙶𝚎𝚝 𝚃𝚘 𝚈𝚘𝚞
 But I want you back. I would do anything to get to you. Go through hell to reach you. Fight all my demons to heal for you. That makes me dedicated… but what does that make you? Someone I have to go through hell to get to?

I’m heartbroken and hopeless. Everything around me feels dark. And I can’t tell if this path I’m on—this fight for you—is leading me out of hell, or dragging me deeper into it.

This type of love is something I’ve never experienced before. It breaks me and binds me at the same time, and somehow, I still crave it. Is this love?

- July 2023

Song: Lovesong by @adele
Audio belongs to the rightful owner. by @user08.24.03

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9 months ago