Instagram story viewer> @valueselectmusic> Posts

Value Select | Musical Comedy | Live Shows

@valueselectmusic

35.7K

followers

574

following

📍 Mount Diablo, CA (est. 2017)
🎤 Comedy songs & sketches
🔥 100M+ views, zero ads or sponsors
👇 On tour Aug 13 to 23, tickets below

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

Download All

DEMO ONE: And we’re back, breaking the song barrier like a F-16…

Had to do it somehow, figure quick and dirty was the best approach. by @valueselectmusic

399

20

25 days ago

You’ve Corrupted and Betrayed Yourself For Nothing. by @valueselectmusic

391

22

a month ago

The Hallucinations Are Nearly Over.

WAKEUP! WAKEUP! WAKEUP! by @valueselectmusic

267

17

a year ago

Me, Tactically Plotting my Next Plan into the 2025 Scheduler (Strategically) [Organized] 📆 #TheHolyAge #ValueSelectForever #HairlineReveal by @valueselectmusic

551

20

2 years ago

The difference is clear. ✅

“BLACKMAILING YOURSELF INTO SUCCESS” is the best way for average joes to reach their personal and professional goals.📈

When goal chasing, I found too much emphasis is put on the promise of a bright future.🔥

Thing is, we’re horrible at predicting how cool the future will actually be (see 1950’s science fiction.)🤖

So instead of climbing toward an uncertain tomorrow, why not run from an evil yesterday? 😈

My “BLACKMAIL YOURSELF INTO SUCCESS” program is simple:

1.) you choose a hobby you’d like to master. (i.e cartooning, salsa dancing, helpful gang signs) 👍🏻

2.) I unearth dark secrets from your past, and threaten to send photographs to your wife, if you don’t master it on an agreed upon date. 💣

AND THATS ALL! 🎉

Just you, me, and a time delayed capsule, containing heinous acts you’d rather people didn’t know about. (If no heinous acts exist, I will fabricate them for you) 🤫

This program has helped hundreds of winners reach their wildest dreams (and thousands of losers suffer their worst nightmares) 👹

BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!

Our social betters use this productivity hack to pass all kinds of unwanted legislation, as well as reluctantly raise the status of all sorts of ungodly personages. 🏛️

If they can ruin decades old franchises with this program, you can definitely learn the harp with it. 🎵

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!

Call now, and we’ll send you a free private jet that’ll take you to a totally uncompromising mystery island (fun!) 🌴

Or don’t call, and maybe a certain USB drive slips into your mother’s purse tomorrow, containing choice Xbox 360 group chats between the years 2008-2011…

The choice is mine! I mean, uh, yours! (I guess ours?)

To enter the blackmail program raffle, click my link in bio and join the Value Select Patreon 🏆

If selected, you will be contacted via empty public telephone booth sometime in the next 30 years taken in Hollywood by @valueselectmusic

549

17

2 years ago

Every night whilst laying in bed, I imagine that a highly-trained SWAT team is guarding me as I sleep. 🌹

They specialize in knifing/shooting all the scary killer demons my sleepy-time brain can muster; they also talk me through my anxious thoughts (the SWAT team, not the demons) [again, they are highly-trained] 👆🏻

This all started back at summer camp, where a pre-pubescent Richard Roses discovered that safe feeling you get when resting ‘round the campfire with beloved friends. 🥰

Like you’re exactly where you need to be. 🥺

When I was forced to return home (someone drowned) I then found I could THINK my way BACK to that happy PLACE, a place where my friends were always there to chat, and also sacrifice themselves so I could keep living if a bear invaded camp in the middle of the night. 🐻

As I grew older, my stress grew too, so I had to imagine newer, more stronger protectors to guard my cozy slumber (also, as a middle-aged man it felt weird to imagine myself as a camper, hanging with 13 year olds; I’m a musician, not a Minecraft YouTuber for crying out loud!) ❌

No, a SWAT team is best; my Terra Cotta Army of the mind…. ❤️‍🩹

I also like to imagine myself slowly lowered into a vault containing every video game in existence. 👀

[from the Secret Facts Podcast, with Richard Roses]

#TheHolyAge #ValueSelectForever by @valueselectmusic

612

20

3 years ago

Basic Lighting Technique with Promising Implementation Instances 🌹

How’s the water feel?

I think I might take a swim.

Love & Respect,
Value Select taken in Studio City, CA by @valueselectmusic

290

9

3 years ago

Looking great, feeling perfect 👍🏻

Nothing but JUBILANT SMILES as the @valueselecttv account is resurrected by the good moderators of @instagram 🌹😏

A DASTARDLY ROGUE from DISTANT LANDS had stolen my VERY FUNNY PASSWORD, and choked this channel into LOCKDOWN STATUS (rumored to be permanent) 😔

But after a handful of REPEAL REQUESTS, we’ve risen from the ashes like that one bird (a Tucson?) 🦜

Many of you have no idea of the EPIC STRUGGLE I endured these past 8 hours… As a matter of fact, I also had no idea until about 5 hours in… 😭

But now you know (and now I know that you know) and now my password has changed, so that nobody will know what that hacker knew (and what was also known by me) 🧐

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers that you would’ve given, and have a FANTASTIC EVENING! 🌹

Love & Respect,
Value Select by @valueselectmusic

586

47

3 years ago

448

3

4 years ago

Introducing "The Immortal One", the first official release of Studio Select's "Ascendance 2023" high fashion collection. 🌹

Crafted from CRIMSON COTTON grown on the high VOLCANIC RANCHES of PLANET SELECT (and cooled in the LIQUID MIRTH of the REJOICE RIVER below) each tunic imbues the wearer with PEAK PERFORMANCE as well as bonus stats. (+10 to Charisma and +10 to Strength) 🔮

Handwoven by the most arcane of SELECTIAN WIZARDS, this shirt is a physical manifestation of the PURE SPIRIT. ⚔️

The mystical “V” symbol on the chest (placed over the heart) has an ANCIENT HISTORY and RICH LORE, known only to the highest ranking ELDER COUNCIL members. 📕🗝️

The emblem itself has been passed down through the ages, guarded and revered by the planet's inhabitants as a potent talisman of unyielding focus and eternal energy, perfect for increasing value in every way imaginable. 🔥

📸: Tobias Boydad
🤴🏻: Value Select
📍: The Bard’s College of the Crimson Coast

This shoot was so fun, such a talented team, can’t wait to do more! 🥰 by @valueselectmusic

503

11

4 years ago

I can’t believe it! 🌹📕

I just signed a multi-million dollar deal to write the first EVER Yacht Pirates Novel (Based on the triple platinum blockbuster movie) [Based on the award winning book] [inspired by the Broadway play]

My fantasy tale of knavish socialites plundering for thrills caught the attention of Gene Pleebus (The man behind Robo’s Landing) and he sincerely believes this new book will be such a hit, we can make ANOTHER blockbuster movie! 🎥

If you told me a year ago I would’ve have killed the evil moon, AND became a professional ball player, AND scored my own book deal, I would’ve politely asked you to leave my one bedroom apartment. (How’d you get in here!?)

But here we are! (Regarding the achievement you predicted, not inside my house, as I’m driving on the freeway while writing this)

Feeling like the luckiest son of a fun in the world 🥰

Once I get deeper into the draft, I’ll drop a release date, for the rawest and realest literature ever penned (by me)

Well, I must be off, it seems I have struck another car, and a angry looking man is pounding his fist against my window!

No respect for the writers process!

See you soon dear readerYEAH NO IM COMING OUT GIVE ME A SECOND- by @valueselectmusic

486

5

4 years ago

“And how does that make you feel?”

*exhausted, you say to your Evil Wizard Therapist.*

“And yet you STILL ponder thy orb late into the eve?”

*you nod your head; he inks a feather pen*

“You know, swapping to a scroll of eldritch horror would do wonders for your sleep”

*You tell him the truth; the magic orb is simply too ponderous*

“And what of your minions; Balthus and Steve?”

*you explain you’re afraid to reach out; your anxiety is crippling”

“Hmmmm… Have you ever considered viewing these “negative feelings” of yours as mere pawns in your game of Evil Wizard chess?”

*intrigued, you ask him to elaborate”

“I’ve found that renegotiating my relationship with worry by labeling it “chaos mana” has given me great success, both in business AND in the nether realms”

*you sit up, a dark magic flowing through you (in the best way)*

“Let’s give you some homework; next time an encounter (say, i dunno, a girl you fancy rejects you) doesn’t pan out the way you want, simply smile menacingly, turn slowly, steeple your hands, and whisper “HAHAHAHA YES AAAALL ACCORDING TO PLAAAAAN”

*even if I don’t mean it?*

“Especially if you don’t mean it”

*you thank the Evil Wizard Therapist, and ask him bluntly how you’ve progressed since that first session, years ago*

“You’re development has been inspiring; I’m proud of the man you’re becoming, AND the warlock you currently are… You’re a great guy, I mean it”

*you thank him for his time, and grab your jacket*

“Don’t be a stranger! Actually, heck, what are you up to this evening? Maybe we could go bowling, but not as Evil Wizard Therapist and Client, but as friends…?”

*you panic; sure, he’s a great Evil Wizard Therapist, but you’d prefer to keep it that way*

“It gets pretty lonely out here… Whattaya say? You? Me? Big ‘ol mess a nachos..?”

*you lie and say you have to wash your house; he can see straight through you*

“No, no, that’s cool, really… No, don’t apologize, I shouldn’t have asked, I, uh… I crossed a line…”

*you leave quickly, with the intent to change providers; he smiles menacingly, turns slowly, and steeples his hands*

“HAHAHAHA YES AAALL ACCORDING TO PLAAAAN*

*a single tear rolls down his evil wizard cheek* by @valueselectmusic

404

8

4 years ago