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Vik Squires

@viksquires

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AUTISTIC. TRANS. METAL.
Musician, autoethnomusicologist, and Dr of metal music from Naarm/Melbourne. First book is in the works✨

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Tulip Festival 2026🌷 We made our annual trip to @tesselaar_tulip_festival yesterday for tractor rides, flower gazing, and a lot of play. Bubble was so excited to go and it was almost impossible to get them off the playground🌷✨
#tulipfestival #tesselaartulipfestival #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

Mentally I’m still at last Friday’s gig because it just felt so good to be out again after nonstop work on the book (I promise I am working hard on it but it is still mainly transcribing duty because there is a lot of words). Seeing @sundreamer_melb for the second time this year and seeing @detestor_au and @gull_melbourne for the first was amazing. Big shows can be fun but the local scene is where the magic is. I need to go to more gigs because it took about five days for my calves and glutes to stop hurting and now I’m convinced I’m super toned✨
#melbournemetal by @viksquires

It feels weird entering a new decade because I never really thought about turning 30. I remember a doctor telling me when I was 15 that she didn’t think I would make it to 25. Looking back I don’t think she was qualified at all to make that assessment and while I have always had chronic health problems, that has always been more to do with pain than actually how compatible my body is with longevity. It nonetheless stuck with me so I got a lot of things done in my 20s: undergraduate, honours, PhD, travel, beginning transitioning and having a child. Now to be entering a decade that I didn’t know I would have is surreal, and there are so many things I want to fill this decade with: music, writing, community, and whatever whimsical adventures my little one takes me on. As soon as I heard “Decades” (yes, I can also find a way to make it about @motionlessinwhite and @chrismotionless) I knew that it would be my birthday song, because I do feel like time has tried to tear me apart and it has failed, sure I’m a bit battered and mystery pain is still a constant, but I’m still fucking here and I have so much more to show. My 20s were simply a warm up and in my 30s I don’t intend to hold anything back🧡✨
P.S. that cupcake gave me a migraine and I needed a nap🤣
#thirtyflirtyandthriving #motionlessinwhite #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

I can’t believe it has been a full week since I got to see my favourite band, Motionless In White, for the first and second time. Despite being a fan since I was 14, I’ve never made it to a show before so I was determined to make it count. I secured my tickets last September and the count down for the first show in Melbourne was long but worth it. I knew one show wasn’t going to be enough so when the idea popped in my head to also go to the Brisbane show I knew I had to do it. Then the planning began. I needed outfits, Melbourne’s look was inspired by Infamous and Brisbane’s look was Reincarnate. Then there was the autism of it all. I couldn’t show up with my basic ear defender, I need to elevate them so 1,500 rhinestones later I had new and improved ear defenders.
What I couldn’t prepare for was the merch table, because, classic autistic, I got overwhelmed and blurted out “can I have one of everything please” and the merch guy even tried to talk me out of it but I’d already convinced myself it was a wise use of money.
The first night was incredible and I got teary, but then when I got to Brisbane and managed to get a spot on the barrier every note just hit differently. There were a number of times when I was taken back to when I heard the songs for the first time and I just cried, but I was surrounded by other creatures who got it and we cried and sung together while hugging complete strangers.
Thank you to the entire @motionlessinwhite team for giving these shows your all. I don’t know how to sum up how much your music means to me so I will just leave it at thank you and that I am eternally your creature🖤🥀✨
#motionlessinwhite #stimminginthepit #metal #metalhead #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

HAPPY PRIDE!🏳️‍⚧️ Please read:
So this is my first time putting my voice online in such a public fashion. It’s far from perfect: I can’t use my mic, I’m shit with reverb settings, and I fucked up the lyrics, but I’m so proud of myself for actually doing it. This song is so meaningful to me because I attempted to come out as trans in 2016. After years of searching for answers as to why I never felt comfortable in my skin, I finally learnt the words trans and nonbinary and so much of me made sense. But I chose the wrong people to tell that to and I was shoved so hard back into the closet that it took another year for me to build up that same courage again. That was in 2017, the same year @motionlessinwhite came out with Voices. Gender dysphoria has meant that I have often been too afraid of my own voice because I know how I sound and I don’t want people to read me that way. Early this year Motionless came out with another song, Afraid of the Dark, and when I heard the lines “fight or surrender your dreams ‘cause it’s give up or give everything” I was fucking shaken to my core and sobbed my eyes out, because I didn’t want to give up on being a musician but how could I get past my own voice? I just had to say “fuck it, I have to work with what I have.” I feel like I have a lot of ground to cover before I get to where I want to be but I’m not going to hide away anymore.
I’m working on music now and I don’t know when it will be ready and I don’t know if it will be any good, but I love music too much not to try.
Thank you @chrismotionless @rickyxolson @ryanmiw @chenzomauro @justinmiw for the support you show to the community, and though it’s a long shot it would be really cool to sing with you someday🖤🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈✨
#voices #motionlessinwhite #happypride #transpride #nonbinary by @viksquires

I am 300 rhinestones into this project! @motionlessinwhite have been one of my favourite bands since I was 14 so seeing them for the first time is a pretty big deal✨🖤
#motionlessinwhite #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

This is a mini photo dump from Baba’s Day (nonbinary parents day) and Babymetal! Love that I’ve been so overstimulated and overwhelmed by life that I just completely forgot to post this. I am currently under my weighted blanket trying to regain some level of function after a very crazy start to the year🖤🤘🏻
#nonbinaryparentsday #babymetal #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

As of time of recording I have listened to Afraid of the Dark 1521 time (yes, I have a log). Of course with this descent into madness has come the formation of theories, so here it is: AOTD is the fourth song in a series. I didn’t even go into detail of how far I went to find connections. I sat with a stopwatch timing the opening screams on To the Grave and AOTD. I have a multi paged document cataloging the easter eggs. All this is to say, it’s an amazing song and you should listen to it🖤 Also, this should be obvious but I’m autistic so this level of obsession is standard and not reason for concern🤣
#motionlessinwhite #afraidofthedark #actuallyautistic by @viksquires

CLOSED - thank you to everyone who shared and answered the call! I can’t wait to write more of this book✨
CALL FOR INTERVIEW PARTICIPANTS—TRANS METAL AUSTRALIA

Hi! My name is Vik and I’m a trans nonbinary researcher and metalhead from Naarm, who is currently writing a book on Australian trans and gender diverse performers in metal. I am seeking to speak with trans and gender diverse performers/musicians on what drew them to the genre, and the steps they have taken/are taking to become a performer in the Australian scene. If you think you’d like to take part in an interview please reach out to me via DMs or email vik.squires@outlook.com🤘🏻🏳️‍⚧️
#transmetal #lgbtqiametal #australianmetal by @viksquires

The plan this year is to see as much metal as possible as I write my very metal book. January was a strong start with me getting to see @bleedingthrough for the first time. Bleeding Through are one of the bands I define as an obsession listen, especially their album The Truth. Once it’s on, it’s on repeat (‘Love in Slow Motion’ in particular gets extra listens). It was incredible to meet the band and I was so thrilled to chat with Marta about my research (thank you so much for letting me nerd out with you). Their set was also one of the best I’ve ever seen and I hope to see them again.
Recommended listening: The Truth, Declaration, and NINE🖤
#bleedingthrough #metal #metalhead by @viksquires

The past week has been insane! Bubble and I flew over to Aotearoa for the joint NZMS and MSA conference at University of Waikato. It was my first time solo parenting at a conference and my first time as an organiser of a panel. Our panel was “Trans* Urgency: on trans music studies’ role in the midst of rising anti-trans injustices” and we had papers on trans joy, Sophie, ANOHNI, and Nemo. Watching my co presenters share their work while my little slept in my arms was the highlight of the conference. We might not have gotten the best turn out but I see the potential for even greater projects together and future conference team ups. It was my fellow panelists who really got me through this conference, they were so brilliant in making Bubble feel welcome even when it was clear others didn’t want them there. As a trans academic it was also wonderful to finish the year on a moment of joy. Thank you to everyone who supported me on this trip and Bubble is still asking about when your coming over to play with the Paw Patroller🏳️‍⚧️✨
#transmusicology #transnonbinary #transmusicstudies #transjoy #actuallyautistic #transparent #autisticparent by @viksquires

TRAINS! Yesterday we went to Bubble’s third Day Out with Thomas for the year! This was possibly the best one because they wanted to interact with everything. For days they have been asking about Thomas, which only made me more excited too. The team @puffingbillyrailway always put on an amazing day but this one felt especially amazing🚂✨🫧
#dayoutwiththomas #puffingbilly #steamtrain #autisticparent #actuallyautistic by @viksquires