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william rusan

@williamrusan

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producer & performer. 🎞️ 🎦 📺 🎭🎙️🎧 ⚧︎
mostly ex – civil servant, hacker, tech exec.
dubiously conceals a shiny metal endoskeleton
✶chi/LA🎥

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I persist: big headed, high yellow, unwilling to diminish, and focused.

Daily, much of my work seems to be on who I want to be in this world that is so opposite the future which was so doggedly assured when I was still growing up. I have a few mandates so far: Still silly. Still leaving time for play. Less reticent, less reserved. Focused, strong, and intentionally producing, creating, recovering, improving, loving, communing. In the inevitable cloistering and sacrifice of this moment, it feels important to cultivate richness and joy in and around oneself. 🦇🌒🎥🎭 taken in Chicago, Illinois by @williamrusan

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5 months ago

Most of my past year and a half has been spent caregiving for sick loved ones and orienting to the fever dream of the new sociopolitical reality. Transitioning into the next moment illuminates how much this time has changed me; it seems to have gifted me the capacity to convert what would once have simply been scar tissue into a deeper knowledge and greater perspective of myself and the world around me.

This has been an inflection point for many of us and it feels... inarticulate and even frivolous to post photos of my life and pets on the internet. I'm reminded (or I hope) that in these times it's important not to turn overly inward, that isolation is holistically toxic. It's okay not to always know what to do nor how to be most useful. I guess that's why people do photodumps, and let the narrative come out in the wash.

in the words of the Bard, "like to hear it? here it go!"

1• I look like this now 🤷🏾‍♂️
2• Jack napping on @theogermaine's head. the perspective seems off but Jack just has a massive head.
3• she broody. 🦇
4• Bee visited! it looks a bit like they're gonna kiss but they're actually laughing at an unrepeatable gay meme
5• @ashtheelf I on the last night at @thehiddencovekaraoke (rip ⛼)
6• courtesy of my security camera notifications: how I spend my Friday nights 🪩👯
honestly, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. by @williamrusan

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10 months ago

This might make it seem like I've finally started to home in on how to pose for photos but, in reality, I just got distracted by some people bumping powder and twerking in the taxi stand. Vegas was weird and hot and I liked it. taken in Aria Hotel & Casino Las Vegas by @williamrusan

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2 years ago

stubbornly persistent in converting oxygen into carbon dioxide while black, transgender AND weird by @williamrusan

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3 years ago

Have you ever seen a 15 pound siamese cat, quite assured that he's Samwise Gamgee? Yep, that's Jack. My BFF.

📸: @ianaiexander taken in South Side, Chicago by @williamrusan

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3 years ago

it's #tdov. to mark the day, I am celebrating still being here, having proven hard to kill. those are the tests to face down in times like this one, no matter how easy it might be to look past the issues, minimize them, minimize us.

ten years ago, I started inching out of the closet and the gender identity that limited me so sharply. I have to admit that it would have been easier if I hadn't. the violence I've experienced — that so many experience — during that time has been equal parts variegated, relentless, covert and baffling. these difficulties that I and countless others have faced in embracing and wearing our trans identities are now writ large and the gears of oppression turn at-scale in legislative bodies and communities all over the US and the world. it's time for everyone to make a stand, but it's not clear that that will happen. days like today exist to help us hold the line.

what does visibility mean? it means being seen, on purpose, which requires one to see oneself fully. I would never have done that in the closet. discovering my gender is the best thing that has ever happened to me, full stop. so, here I am—

• with my shit eating grin that pisses so many racist transphobes off
• with my beautiful partner, absolutely obnoxiously in love to the deep annoyance of many
• still here. this is never guaranteed. I am still here: a statement to myself, past and present; to everyone trapped in lives they can't see their way out of in such a hostile time; and to everyone who would prefer that we weren't. Trans people aren't going anywhere. ⚧ taken in Chicago, Illinois by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

happy birthday to the brilliant, insightful, ever-dynamic @theogermaine.

how do you celebrate someone who is already themselves a gift? I have to answer this question every year and come up lacking. I can only offer my heart, my collaboration, my support, my respect and my admiration — and renew them again and again. by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

believe it or not, this is kind of what it's like to be #nonbinary and a trans person of color. looking like one thing, but not quite. appearing however you need to appear to suit the occasion. being perceived several drastically different ways in every big room and having to engage with each one: good, bad, and ugly. making a choice to lean into the ambiguity or away from it. singing a silly old song that doesn't really reflect your values but you like it anyway. am I aware that I dress like a star wars bounty hunter? yes. is this or my makeup a costume? no.

I almost didn't post this. it's not that good, and ~being perceived at large~ can be pretty dysphoric, but it is illustrative of how trans people are everywhere, looking every kind of way, doing every kind of thing, just living our lives. we always have been. that is getting harder lately — drastically so. try to keep that in mind the next time a complaint is on the air that we're confusing, or confused, or asking for too much. our existence does not need to be justified.

mostly, we just want the same thing everyone else does: a level playing field and a little space to be ourselves.

📸: @theogermaine
KJ🎤: @miltg_themisphit
song: my one and only love, by john coltrane & johnny hartman from their self titled record by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

snowdrops are my favorite flower. trains are my favorite way to travel. here is the first snow drop bloom of the year, and my first train ride in three. taken in Chicago, Illinois by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

🦇 • 🌕 • 🏳️‍⚧️

📸: @theogermaine ♡ taken in Chicago, Illinois by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

one sec, gotta quicksave before @theogermaine offers me this side quest taken in Hyde Park by @williamrusan

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4 years ago

happy 80th, dad. thanks for the strong genes. 🧬✊🏾 taken in Hyde Park by @williamrusan

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4 years ago