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HOISUMAGIC

@wouldaaaa

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🧿| blah blah blah —— backstory stuff
｡⋆౨ৎ poetry + subconscious mind ౨ৎ˚｡⋆
⋆
i speak for the trees
seriously unserious

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.. An old friend, a young heart. Their soul rests yet our minds wander. Finding peace in where I know you are now. Last week I didn't know if I was allowed to feel this way, or even grieve at all because we only caught up a few weeks ago. It's been a week now since i've known where you are and all I can feel is peace within. Life is life in itself.. Whether you live it for yourself or for someone else. Whether you fulfill your desires or only dream about certain things you aspire.

I’ve been wanting to write more about life but I have no words right now. So out of control yet in control there’s so much chaos for me. I can’t relax, I can’t breathe when in control. Attempting to perfect my way of being, dissect everything I’m seeing. Pattern recognition on overload there are so many cycles that I am not aligned with. So little human connection willing to speak about the divine’s gifts. Life in itself isn’t something to figure out yet it’s a place to be. To be someone that feels good to you. Laugh at jokes that are not only funny but are healing too. Align with people who are healing from trauma just like you. We’re not all the same but we are not so different either. I’ve wrapped my head around life and nature’s cycles yet it still makes me emotional that we all can’t be n aren’t more understanding of one another. Never alone, just mentally lonely. *no more floating* by @wouldaaaa

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2 months ago

thoughts…🧖🏿‍♀️ by @wouldaaaa

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3 months ago

2022 by @wouldaaaa

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4 months ago

woulda, coulda, probably shouldn’t 🤷🏿‍♀️

fortunately i would’ve loved you without the manipulation, could’ve handled the truth of the situation..
yet you probably aren’t the type to see real shit through.
never had a feeling to give me things, no obligations

fortunately for you i paved the way —— for u (forgetting that repeating myself is begging), n you still saw everything I said as negging u didn’t like me n that’s 🆒 i perceived u to be better than u were, thats on me

i only deem to be liked by people who actually see me.
consider my being

fortunately i like the truth.. it makes the cause and effect so much easier for the left side of my brain to understand
for me to move accordingly

fortunately i lived so many yrs without any trace of u in my mind i know getting back to the basics is what you’d prefer.

i stepped outside to feel the breeze for the first time in what feels like a long time, prepared for what i could face. My hiking shoes, all types of shit frfr but for some odd reason everyone who brushed by me that day embracing the foreign airs thought I was a FUCKING PROFESSIONAL😭😂 (yes i’m yelling, rage)

has no one ever heard the term don’t judge a book by its cover?
since this isn’t a one time incidence I’m not allowed to charge this one to the game — fuck whatever game everybody else is playing

we’re 4:0 of people thinking i look like a damn book♻️ idekwtfbgoipha by @wouldaaaa

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6 months ago

save this and come back to it when u need🌚 by @wouldaaaa

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7 months ago

flooded siene 🫱🏿‍🫲🏾 flooded emotional mind

to be fumbled in a way that prepares them for their next victim. will they succumb or care for the next
person correctly, time will tell. will they see kindness as naivety as you watch them allow you to give with no end? Letting them use you to keep them satisfied or will they reach out their hand to pull you up from under the pile ashes.

Do they watch your glossy eyes gaze downward waiting for them to extinguish the flames caused by their careless use of heat or will they drag you out alive? Was your safety more valuable than the ego able to consume every bit of you if you allow them to do so?

They decided to write a story together yet could never find the same page. So torn from chapter one, or maybe it was chapter two or three that he’s seeped his pain into the story she thought they were writing together. Luckily things always crash and burn around this girl they’ll throw the book out as tuesday comes around and by thursday his energy will have been scribed in a new book. No bindings broken from the willingness of overindulgence.. they’ll be an author more fit for the day, or week. He can’t throw their book out.

While she dissolves a page each day with those tears of hers, she knew that he wouldn’t stop her from giving. she saw that her peace she shared was seen as boredom and not safety. On sunday she wrote until her hand ached discovering truths and self validation. luckily her ducts finally dried out and she has dropped the curse of pleasing others.

what’s next will be so good she will be the author in her story writing in anyone who comes along hoping to slowly trace the outlines of any page she’s written. they’ll be knowing together and when one of their pages gets too crowded.. the silence in the others newest copy is their path to a clearer mind, a clearer page, a clearer path together by @wouldaaaa

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7 months ago

To be loved loudly.. to be seen and release the shackles of being “strong and resilient”. Aware of what we can withhold and take without having to religiously withstand those things throughout our entire lives. You do not have to accept mistreatment, and if you don’t know how to move away from those energies or what to say and how to say it silence is distance. Silence will allow you to change your perspective on self and people that show you they were in your life for a season. Yet the winds are changing my darling and you get to choose who gets to go on these road trip with you. Choose wisely or there could be flat tires and misfortune along the way .vs. destined creations and fortune on this journey.

I am a maniac for love. An addict to be seen. But not in the conventional ways that people believe I want to be seen. That comes from energy. What I’m referring to is truly being seen, with all senses, in all realms, from every timeline, something that flows throughout the vessel. For you to feel me, then I’d know you’d see me. When you close your eyes what do you feel, that’s how I would like to be seen. My words building cities in your mind, my eyes being galaxies of knowing for you to lay in, my world creating scavenger hunts in your mind for you to relax and hold me in. A maze that leads right to me. Blindfolds and all I’ll know you see me.

⬇️continued in comments by @wouldaaaa

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8 months ago

our ancestors chose us first and we were chosen to be here and chose to be here.

The only game I like to play is the game of life. She's emotional, she's restless, she's regenerating on this path and she has some things coming but doesn't know what is on the horizon.

Not a water sign but often wishes she could be like percy jackson, submerged in water for days on end. Dehydration wouldn't know her. Whimsical and weird others would call her but would'nt actually know. Her, this outcast of a being. Where would she come across those longing for something just like her? she'd dive into the depths of herself to realize that they are doing the same hoping one day to cross fated paths.

With her favor and adversity she'd long for them while hidden in the deep ends of her mind scared and afraid of what she'll see when coming up for a specific kind of human connection. Where will she go? As her senses static she closes her eyes to the 13 feet that see her as she truly is.

pics of me ** "teaching" kids ** by @wouldaaaa

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8 months ago

I fear I've never been anyone's first, there has been not one 3D human that has seen my kindness and chose to see it and treat it with love not marinated in unconscious hurt. Maybe no one knows what feels good anymore, and because nothing is promised self sab sab becomes auto pilot in hopes to preserve self from pain and sorrow. I'm sooo tired.. Of changing, releasing, loving, sharing myself just to be swallowed by the reality that nothing is truly forever unless we choose it to be. 23 years of knowledge, learning, lessons, and life and barely any human connection to show for it. We are all so afraid to be ourselves in these communities of spectators religiously looking for someone else to just know and love them too. Sometimes I feel so out of place here.. Not knowing what to do, which way is up, and swimming in limbo soup.

Releasing n Ranting ~ if it doesn’t apply let it 🛫potato heads

The shift will be me continuing to lead and be all of those things for myself. Holding down my fort and allowing myself to be triggered and see the changes I need to make in myself. Nothing that happens is personal. Things can affect us, draw emotions out of us and trigger feelings that feel familiar, (+ or - ones). Yet we have to know that many things outside of us are reflecting back to us what we need to change and a better way of being that could be reality if we so choose. Choices, free will, and the act of doing.

Do more for yourself so life can do so much more for you. by @wouldaaaa

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9 months ago

… bigger picture im looking at the bigger picture
problem me
solution flow state
nothihng-ness > half-ass anything

I've been half-assing so many things and its so difficult releasing the imposter syndrome. 23 years .vs. my inner knowing and feelings. The ego keeps trying to tell me things that my feelings are contradicting and because what I've been shown is different from what I know to be true about the world and the most high I have been in shambles. Brainwashing myself to know I deserve these good things, condition myself to allow good and feel good with other people. I know how to do that with myself but adding other characters in the film triggers the ego into playing re-runs trying not to create the same story lines as before. Hyper-vigilance, impatience, and lack of faith. I know what I know and I trust what I know and it's okay to trust what you know when things are aligned and different than before. A good different is good. And we deserve good things, we deserve good people.🫟 by @wouldaaaa

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9 months ago

i’m back in the flesh.. with things i’m positive about and unsure about. So many unsure things in this life until you allow yourself to know. To not fight the change that comes with evolution and allow the pursuits of your past to be just that, a part of the past. Leaving them where they scarred you and standing in the frequency of this version of you.

The things im afraid of at this point in time are showing me my truest desires Yet first I have to put ass to grass, HAVE TO for myself.. Full send it! if you will… why wait on the right time when time is fake and the killer of dreams? I’ve sat in my relaxation and peace and rn seems like a good time to get started on forever.

Another thing besides the fact that everything I want is on the other side of fear. itsgiving self sab sab of the good things that I deserve. I’ve also been weary of going back to the girl I used to be sad, weighed down by negative mementos trying to sprinkle their dirt into each day I find myself feeling better. Self conscious of the fact that I used to be in mental places that I never thought I’d get out of and each time although I allowed myself to turn a new leaf and get out of those spaces what if I go back. What if these fears and projections transform themselves into my reality again, and the energies of my past haunt me forever. The guilt that I’ve released, the shackles of pain from others that I freed myself from what if it all comes back.

I’m coming to realize I won’t let myself go back. I’ve worked too hard, cried so endlessly that i’ll never be able to cry that way again, to feel the pain so deeply because I can never be who I used to be. I can never morph myself back into the girl who had just experienced and felt those things unknowing of the things I know now about myself, others, and life. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid of the people we do not know, the places we have not seen, and the days that have not come yet.. But we should always still persevere in the knowing that we have done this before. We have been in worse states and have comeoutonthe other side with more grace, more swiftly, and more hurt than the last time but we are here. thepresent by @wouldaaaa

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10 months ago

perspective is everything.. n living in ur truth is everything everything by @wouldaaaa

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a year ago