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Where the love resides. 🫶🏾

@yourbigsismel

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Living a life that reflects my heart.
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by @yourbigsismel

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a month ago

I grew up here. Edenwald projects was around the corner from me. I remember hearing gunshots at night, and my mom making sure I am home before the street lights came on.I remember when everyone told me I wouldn’t be sh*t, including my teachers because I was in special ed. I remember my mom taking my siblings and me to rich neighborhoods, and telling us to pick a house. I remember being told the Bronx is it. This is for the kids that are in the hood. Please don’t be embarrassed about where you came from. Please remember you can accomplish anything and everything. Do NOT GIVE PEOPLE THE ADVANTAGE to write your story. I will ALWAYS be a BoogieDownBx Shawty and I will wear that LOUD and PROUD. I love you and I am rooting for you. by @yourbigsismel

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3 months ago

I dedicate this video to anyone who feels lost, is comparing themselves to others, trying to make ends meet, confused, or afraid.To anyone without support.To anyone who dropped out of college.To anyone who can’t afford college.To anyone who isn’t where they want to be in life yet.To anyone who is hating life, themselves, or the journey.You’re going to be okay. I love you. I’m rooting for you. You’re not alone. 🫂Life does get better, I pinky promise with a cherry on top💚 by @yourbigsismel

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a year ago

Did you watch your beautiful mother lose herself in men?Did you grow up wiping her tears, angry at your father because you couldn’t understand how someone could tell you they loved you while hating the woman who gave you life?Did you watch your mother beg for love? Watch her compromise herself? Hear her tell you never to have children? Watch this beautiful woman become insecure because of men?Did you watch her carry big dreams, only to never pursue them because she had children and spent her life chasing love, not realizing that everything she desperately wanted from a man already existed within her?Sometimes I sit in a dark room and cry for her.I was her once.But I got out.I can’t be that woman. I’ll never be her again.They tell me I’m going to end up alone.Okay.Alone? On an island, living in a treehouse? I have friends. I have community. Love resides within me. I’m kind. I smile. My life is full of love because I built it that way.My money is for me. I don’t have to consider someone who probably isn’t even considering me. I can dance until 5 a.m., come home, and no one makes me feel guilty. I can simply live.I am living the life every woman in my family before me dreamed of, especially my mother.This isn’t just for me.It’s for my lineage.<< I love you Mommy >> by @yourbigsismel

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a day ago

Rejection is redirectionnn!!!!!!That man not loving me? Changed my life.Missing the deadline for grad school and deciding to give myself a year, then telling myself, “If things don’t work out, I’ll move to New Jersey and go to school in the city?” I’m so grateful I missed that deadline.The only reason I missed it was because people turned in their letters of recommendation late. Thank you!!!!!NYC??? Lol, y’all know that story.Just the journey of a woman who kept choosing herself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. 🥹God’s plan >> your plan.Trust the process. by @yourbigsismel

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2 days ago

Food for thought.I hate that women who are seen as “innocent” or “good girls” aren’t allowed to be sexual or embrace that side of themselves without people acting shocked. It’s like people think women can’t evolve, become more comfortable with themselves, or exist in more than one way.Women are allowed to twerk, cuss, be ratchet, be sexy, be sensual. None of that takes away from our kindness, intelligence, or character.People project that image onto me too… until they see me shaking ass, find out I listen to Sexyy Red, or realize I enjoy sex. Then it’s, “OMG, who are you?”I’m me. I’ve always been me. I’m allowed to exist in all my complexity.I hope every woman feels comfortable in her own skin, regardless of what anyone expects, says, or thinks. by @yourbigsismel

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5 days ago

Lately, I’ve been in spaces full of women, something I’ve always prayed for. I’ve always yearned for sisterhood and womanhood. It has taught me something so valuable, we need each other. Women need women.Sadly, the patriarchy is so hard on us that it can cause us to be hard on each other, even when we don’t mean to be. Hold space for women, especially women whose values don’t align with yours. Be a safe space for women. Being in community with women is so healing because we can learn from one another.To the woman who walked me to her car after we met at the club because I got my period, gave me a pad, and even gave me her shorts, thank you.To the woman who saw me crying my eyes out in the bathroom, sat down with me, wiped my tears, and reminded me that I am beautiful, thank you.To the woman who became a safe space for me when I was in an abusive relationship, thank you.To the woman who believed my story, thank you.To the baby mothers, to the girls who are in abusive relationships and can’t leave, to the girls who are insecure, to the girls who are lost, to the girls who are figuring themselves out, and to the girls who center men because that’s all they’ve been taught, you are loved. You are supported.To the women who don’t judge, who lead with compassion, and who create safe spaces for others, thank you.I’m telling you, sisterhood healed me more than a man ever could, more than any boyfriend ever did. I feel so loved because of all the women I’ve encountered throughout my life, and I just want to say thank you for loving meeeee!!! 🥹🫂💚 by @yourbigsismel

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6 days ago

The only pictures I got from last night show that I didn’t take out my phone once during the concert. I danced, sang, cried, and was completely immersed in the energy.Y’all, experiencing Olivia Dean was the most beautiful, healing, loving experience. She is sooo worth it. Her, her opener Baby Rose, her band, the background singers, the dancing, and just being surrounded by women in such a safe space made it all worth it.I kept getting called beautiful, and so many people complimented my dress 🥹🥹. Although I didn’t get any photos of myself, it’s okay!!! Go to concerts by yourself, get dressed up, and have fun! Dance, sing, turn your phone off, and be present in the moment.This was a date to myself, by the way!! Olivia Dean performed “Be My Own Boyfriend,” and I just imagined myself being sooo in love with myself and being the only person in the room. 💗🫂 by @yourbigsismel

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6 days ago

Olivia Dean concerttt. I don’t think I’m getting pictures sooooo here’s the best I can do! Stay blessed haha! by @yourbigsismel

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7 days ago

Throwback to when I shaved all my hair off while crying my eyes out.Sometimes you feel like there is no purpose in your life. Sometimes you feel completely lost. Sometimes it feels like everything is against you. Sometimes the pain becomes so heavy that you turn to things that help you escape, and for me, that meant becoming a pothead.Well… I’ve been sober for years. And if I could talk to this young girl in this picture, and to anyone who feels this way, I would say…You’re going to be okay.I know that sounds cliché, but you truly are. You will find your purpose because you have a purpose. Your heart will heal. People are going to love you. You’re going to work a job you actually enjoy. You’re going to grow. And most importantly, you’re going to find your spark again. Give yourself time, A LOT OF IT!!!You know that spark you had as an oblivious little kid? The one who didn’t know the world could be cruel? The one who loved freely and existed without fear?You’re going to find that person again.But this time, it’s your job to protect them.I give myself so much grace because when I say I know sadness… trust me, I’ve been deep in the trenches with it. I know what it feels like to lose yourself.But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.I am okay.I forgive myself.I embrace myself.I protect myself.I am okay.And you will be too. 💚🫂 by @yourbigsismel

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14 days ago

My entire journey has been built on manifestation. I manifested everything I have. I’m a regular person with big dreams.I remember when people laughed at me. I remember when y’all talked sh*t about me on the internet. I remember people trying to belittle me while projecting their own limited beliefs onto me. I believed in myself when no one else did.If you’ve been here since the beginning, you’ve watched me cry, lose myself, be scared, and question everything. But one thing you can never say is that I gave up.I’ll always remind people that I’m from the Bronx because where I’m from, that’s all we know. If you’re not considered super smart or good at sports, people act like you aren’t going anywhere.Like I’ve said before, that one glass of water in the fridge while I waited for my mama’s food stamps to hit kept me going. There was a time when I had nothing. No money. No friends. No family. The only thing I had was faith, and faith is free.You have to believe in yourself. You have to know you’re destined for greatness despite where you’ve come from and despite what people say about you.People still talk about me, and it doesn’t even faze me anymore because you ain’t stopping sh*t. If you have a problem, take it up with God or my spirit team because they don’t play about me.I am an alchemist. I changed my entire life simply by trusting myself and trusting the process.If I can do it, you sure as hell can too. Word.It’s going to be difficult. You’re going to cry. You’re going to feel like you’re suffocating. Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop breathing. Trust the process because what’s waiting on the other side could change your entire life.Ask yourself, “What if it works?”And you want to know a secret?It will… if you don’t quit.Cry, but don’t quit.Be scared, but don’t quit.Money may be low, but don’t quit.People may isolate you, but don’t quit.The world may doubt you, but don’t quit. 💚🫂 by @yourbigsismel

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20 days ago

I manifested a group of friends who happened to be Black to hike with. I live on Maui, HI, so seeing people who look like me is rare. I usually hike alone. 🥹I met these amazing individuals and we’ve been hiking about twice a week, sometimes mixing in karaoke after hikes or going out to eat. We’ve been doing adventurous things, climbing, smoking, dancing, and having a really good time.I just wanted to share this selfie.Sending love from the islands. Hopefully we run into some of you in Maui. We are all over the island, haha!Instead of N*ggas in Paris, we got N*ggas in Maui 🤪🤌🏾🫂💚 by @yourbigsismel

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21 days ago