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Adele van der Lecq | Somatic Practitioner

@adelevanderlecq

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Love & Relationships. Midlife.
Somatic Practitioner | Relational trauma healing Nervous system | Attachment | Parts work

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I’m 55, and I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that…⁣
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1. Relationships have been hard for me most of my life. I used to lose myself in them, settle for breadcrumbs, and ignore red flags just to feel loved.⁣
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2. The decade after my divorce was harder than I’ve ever admitted out loud. I looked fine on the outside, but inside I was stuck in fear and hypervigilance.⁣
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3. I learned to be in control of my own feelings only in my 40s. Before that, I was just going through the motions - present on the outside, checked out on the inside.⁣
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4. I used to think my easygoing nature was just my personality - the girl who goes with the flow, never causes friction. Really, it was survival. If I didn’t have needs or opinions, I couldn’t be rejected for them. It kept me “safe,” but it also meant I had no idea who I actually was underneath it.⁣
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5. I’m a recovering people pleaser and codependent. I got so good at caretaking everyone else that I forgot how to notice my own needs.⁣
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6. I never felt safe enough to be vulnerable, so I built a shield instead. I’m still learning to let people see the imperfect parts of me.⁣
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7. My current marriage has been my biggest teacher. It’s not the highlight reel it looks like - it takes daily self-awareness, unlearning old conditioning, and stepping into new, healthier ways of relating.⁣
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8. I’m finally embracing my feminine energy, after decades of “good girl” conditioning kept me disconnected from myself.⁣
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I used to think all this meant something was wrong with me. Now I know it just meant I was ready to heal. Still growing, still learning what safe love feels like. If that’s you, too, follow along 🩷

@jun_yuh #storytellingcontentchallenge by @adelevanderlecq

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a month ago

I thought I was supporting my husband. Every time he had a hard day, I’d jump in with questions to help him heal and grow.

But underneath, I wanted him to change so I could feel better. And he felt micro-managed.

When I backed off and started looking after my own needs, everything got easier. I’m more relaxed, and he feels respected.

If you’re the helper in your relationship, it’s worth asking: am I helping them, or trying to make myself feel better? by @adelevanderlecq

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22 days ago

For years I thought the answer was finding the right person.

Different men, same ending. And I kept looking at them, never at the part I was playing.

So I stopped searching out there and started with me. I worked on the patterns that had me choosing the same thing over and over, and I started owning my side of it..

Then I met Spencer.

It wasn’t two people trying to fix each other. We’re honest, we both grow up a bit more as we go, and we still choose each other while we’re doing it.

I didn’t find the one. I changed the person who was showing up.

If you’re still searching out there, the work might be in here.

#storytellingcontentchallenge by @adelevanderlecq

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a month ago

I used to say “I’m fine” when I wasn’t fine.

Easygoing. Low maintenance. I wore it like a badge of honour.

So when something in my marriage didn’t sit right, when it actually hurt, I’d act chill. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Be the good wife, get on with my duties, support him. Put my feelings away for later.

I took his word instead of saying what was on my mind. I believed his version because trusting my gut felt too dangerous. And I didn’t want to sound dramatic.

What I know now:

Saying what’s true lets me see who is actually in front of me. How they respond isn’t mine to manage.

I’d rather speak up, see someone’s real colours, and know exactly what I’m dealing with.

That’s the only way I get a relationship that’s healthy. And it turns out, a closer one too.

#storytellingcontentchallenge by @adelevanderlecq

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1

a month ago

Years of dysfunctional relationship patterns → 5 years single, focused entirely on healing → married again as a genuinely healthier, more secure version of myself

I spent years repeating the same relationship patterns before I finally stopped and asked why. So I took five years off from dating - not because I’d given up on love, but because I needed to build a relationship with myself first. I did the work: therapy, studying trauma, learning to sit with myself without needing anyone else to complete me.

By the time I was ready to date again, I wasn’t looking for someone to fix what was broken. I already knew my worth. I already knew my truth. I could show up secure instead of scared - and that’s the difference between the relationships that hurt me and the one I’m in now.

If you’re in your healing season right now, let it take as long as it takes. It’s not a delay. It’s the foundation. by @adelevanderlecq

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a month ago

Adele (@adelevanderlecq) had all the ideas ready to go, but she didn’t have the software to make them a reality.

A website. Automations. Lead magnets. All the pieces she’d been meaning to build for ages, finally in one place. Quick and easy to use.

Want to try HeyClients free for 14 days? DM us the word TRIAL to sign up OR if you’d rather see it in action first? DM us the word DEMO. by @adelevanderlecq

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2 months ago

Happy 1 Year @imspencerharber ♥️

I love being your best friend and your wife 🥰 by @adelevanderlecq

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2 months ago

I paid off $33,742 in the year I turned 50. Old student loans, car payments, and debt left over from a divorce.

People assume the hard part was the money. It wasn’t. The hard part was letting one person see the number.

This wasn’t a budgeting problem. I was post-divorce and single parenting and carrying a lot I didn’t have language for at the time. I was drowning. And when you’re drowning, you do not look at the thing that’s pulling you under, because some part of you is certain that if you look, you’ll go under for good.

So I didn’t look. For years. And I want to be careful here, because the easy version is that I was avoiding it, and avoiding sounds like a character flaw. It wasn’t. Not looking was a protective part doing its job. There was already more on the pile than I could face, and not looking took one thing off.

Underneath it was shame. The debt felt humiliating. It didn’t feel like a number I’d arrived at. It felt like evidence about the kind of person I was.

Which is why reaching out for help was the hardest part. I sat down to show a financial coach the figure and I was braced for it. He’s going to think I’m stupid. He’s going to see how far I let this go. He’s going to say out loud the thing I’d been saying to myself for years.

He didn’t blink. No wince, no lecture. He looked at the number the way you’d look at any number. Then he told me about his own debt, and how he got out of it.

That is a disconfirming experience, and it’s a bigger deal than it sounds. You brace for the response you’ve always had. You get a different one instead. And your body takes the new information in, quietly.

That’s what did the work. Once being seen with the number stopped being dangerous, I could look at it. And once I could look, the rest was steps. I raised my income. I went through the budget properly. I started living below my means, with intention.

There were months I didn’t think I’d make it. I made the last payment inside the year, and I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of myself.

The thing you won’t look at. The thing you’ve quietly decided says something about who you are.

It’s probably not waiting for you to be braver. It’s waiting to be seen. by @adelevanderlecq

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2 months ago

My husband makes me coffee every morning.

And I thank him for it. Every single day.

Not once, not “he knows by now.” Every day.

Here’s why that matters more than it sounds.

If you grew up reading the room - clocking the shift in someone’s tone, the door closing a bit too hard, the mood changing before anyone said a word - your nervous system got very good at scanning for what’s wrong. It had to. That’s what kept you safe.

It’s still doing it now. It doesn’t ask you first.

Which means in your relationship you’ll notice what’s missing long before you notice what’s there.

That’s not you being difficult. That’s training.

But closeness doesn’t grow in the scanning. It grows in the noticing.

So this is the habit Spencer and I keep coming back to: notice what your partner is doing right, and say it out loud.

The coffee. The bed made. The dishes done without a word.

And the quieter ones - the moment you actually felt heard. Tell them that. “I felt really seen when you asked me that question.”

Once a day this week. That’s it.

Then come and tell me: what’s one thing your partner does that you’ve never actually thanked them for?

I read every comment.

Episode 3 of Love in Midlife 🩷

#loveinmidlife #relationaltrauma #nervoussystemhealing #midlifemarriage #somaticpractitioner by @adelevanderlecq

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2 months ago

I used to be the easiest person in the room to be with.

Agreeable. Low maintenance. Never the one who needed anything.

And I want to be clear that it wasn’t a flaw. I learned it young and it worked. It kept me close to people. That’s not nothing.

But “I don’t mind” stopped being a kindness at some point. It turned into a habit of leaving myself.

What changed it wasn’t understanding it. I understood it for years. I could explain exactly where it came from and what it was protecting.

It changed when I said one small true thing out loud and nothing bad happened. Then I did it again. Your body keeps score of those.

If the “I don’t mind” bit landed, there’s nothing you need to do about it today. Just notice where you go quiet. by @adelevanderlecq

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3 months ago

Gen X, this one’s for you. (And btw, if you’re not sure whether you’re part of the Gen X crew - were you born between 1965 and 1980? If yes, you’re one of us.)⁣
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You were the one who held it together. The steadfast one. The one who showed up, handled it, never made it anyone’s problem.⁣
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That skill got you through decades. It also made you very good at flying under the radar... disappearing in a crowded room, so to speak.⁣
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Somewhere between raising the kids, running the career, and being mindful of everyone else’s experience, yours got muddled. You didn’t stop mattering. People just stopped asking.⁣
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I’m not here to hype you into visibility overnight. But I do want to make space for the question: what do you truly want?⁣
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Like, what’s your deepest desire? A better relationship? Getting out of the soul-sucking job you’re stuck in? Feeling less anxious and overwhelmed?⁣
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Whatever it is, I’m here to help you build it in the way that actually works: step by step, in your body, in a nervous system-friendly way.⁣
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No pushing through fear that feels like a wave you can’t handle.⁣
No proving yourself just to feel acceptable.⁣
Just claiming what’s yours, based on your own desires, at a pace you can sustain.⁣
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If this is you, welcome. I’ve been waiting for you.⁣
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Comment “hi!” if you want to be seen again.⁣
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P.S. No performance required 😉

#genx #nervoussystemregulation #traumahealing #healingjourney #menopause by @adelevanderlecq

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3 months ago

That word is dysregulation.⁣
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It’s what happens when your nervous system senses danger and does what it was built to do - protect you. Fight. Flight. Freeze. Shut down.⁣
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And it shows up everywhere. The anxiety you can’t shake. The exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix. The snapping, then the guilt. Never quite feeling safe - even in relationships where you know, logically, that you are.⁣
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None of that is a character flaw. It’s a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do.⁣
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The reason nothing has shifted yet isn’t that you haven’t tried hard enough. It’s that you’ve been working at the level of the thinking mind - and this lives somewhere deeper than that.⁣
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That’s what this reel is about.⁣
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Comment 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 and I’ll send you five places to start.⁣

#traumahealing #healingjourney #nervoussystemregulation #dysregulation #anxietyrelief by @adelevanderlecq

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3 months ago