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Alxzondra

@alzwls

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HBIC
raising free range kids and finding Joes shit
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My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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14 days ago

61 Days. Exactly 2 months you’ve been gone. It feels like it’s been a lifetime already. I feel like the 1st of every month is going to feel like a cursed day for much of the rest of my life.

I found this video you recorded in September of ‘22. I think you nailed this. You will always be remembered as a man that loved the Earth and everything in it. You had the most love for the things on this Earth that received the least amount of love from others. The ones with the smallest voice. The homeless. The broken. The animals. And my god the love you gave them was ENORMOUS and raw and authentic.

You most certainly lived by the dictates of your own conscience. Marched to the beat of your own drum without ever giving a shit what others thought about it. You walked life in the direction of your own moral compass and tried to show others the way.

In the birthday letter I wrote to you I said “I’ve watched you carry weight that most people cannot comprehend. Not just the work, businesses, projects and responsibility- but the constant pressure of seeing what could and SHOULD be while living in a world that often refuses to see it with you.”

I didn’t realize while writing that how absolutely spot on it was.

I hope if nothing else from your passing people remember YOU and what YOU stood for and maybe ask themselves What would Joe do?

I miss you. You’re living through all of us now #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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17 days ago

My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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18 days ago

Today is the last day of September- suicide awareness month.

I looked up the statistics for the United States and in 2024 alone out of the 48,824 suicides 38,977 of them were MEN. 79.8% men. 2025 and 2026 haven’t been finalized but the numbers look much of the same.

That’s a fucking problem.

Joe as well as countless other men go through periods in life where they experience strong emotions - fear, helplessness, grief, shame and desperately need help but told their entire lives that those are things that men handle privately.

From November 2025 until July Joe was struggling in a massive way. I repeatedly tried to get him help outside of Western medicine initially. I tried to get him to speak with a counselor as well. His response was “I’ll eat those motherfuckers for lunch.” In Joes defense- 95% of them he probably would have. It was always this more than macho mindset and refusal to accept that there was something seriously wrong. Concern from Joe that accepting help would make him look less attractive, less of the hero you all thought he was, just less.

So if that’s you right now- big ‘ol burly macho man on the outside, with a drowning soul on the inside- please for the love of God pull your head out of your ass for a second and lean on someone. I know it’s tough. I know you don’t think anybody gives a shit. I know you’re embarrassed and tired and hurt and just done. But what I also know is the filter you are seeing things through right now, isn’t 100% accurate. You got this dark cloud following you right now, covering everything in front of you.

There is always an after this until the day you choose to remove that opportunity. Think of all the other shit you’ve done been through. You got through it. You’ll get through this one too.

Please don’t leave. #joefelz #trustyourfeet #suicideawareness taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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19 days ago

My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet by @alzwls

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21 days ago

My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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a month ago

My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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a month ago

Today Joe Felz is our 4 year anniversary.
We never really celebrated in high class fashion. Always just as our dirty barefooted hippie selves with a bottle of cheap Aldi’s champagne, some goat cheese and some olives, normally by a nearby lake under the moonlight.

This year I’ll have to skip the bottle of champagne. I had to stop drinking about three weeks after you passed in order to not fall into an alcoholic hole of despair. I’ll be honest, I don’t even want to have any cheese and olives because it just feels completely fucking wrong without you here.

Absolutely gutted and at a complete loss with what to do with myself today. I’ve just been scrolling through the last four years of photos and videos, approximately around 40,000. Some of them make me laugh. Some of them make me very sad. All of them do nothing but make me miss you even more.

One thing I know for sure today is how absolutely grateful I am to have known you, loved you, and been loved by you for the past four years.

You were my once in a lifetime, and I know that. I still plan on us making it to 80 years old in the rocking chairs. You just won’t be there in physical form. But I promise you’ll still have a rocking chair right next to me.

You’re my fish.

I love you endlessly. #joefelz #joeandalx taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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a month ago

My statements in this video are based on my own experiences, conversations I personally witnessed and participated in and records and communications I have in my possession. I am telling things as I witnessed and remember them to the best of my ability. All statements made are in good faith to be able to paint the full picture of what lead to Joes final mental state and his decision to take his life.
Most of Joes history mentioned in this video were told to me directly from Joe. The last 4 years of story are from my direct observation and experiences. I am not asking anyone to harass, threaten or contact anyone in these stories. Please do not do that. Where I learn that I have made a factual mistake, I will correct it. This is my account of what Joe and I lived through. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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a month ago

45 Days. It’s been 45 days. This video is from August 2nd at 2:12AM. Approximately 11 hours after I got the call that they had found Joe in the tree. I believe I was in shock, but somewhere in the back of my head still had Joe’s business instructions running “document everything” so I set up the phone.

I’m not well. I don’t know how you’re supposed to be well at any point after this. Joe always spoke about the duality in life. Yin and yang. You only know light because of darkness. With great love comes great pain.

The great love has not just created great grief but a great disruption of everything. Identity. This is so much bigger than just merely sadness. It’s like the laws of physics were changed overnight and somehow people are still walking around normally like the laws of gravity still apply.

I got the great love. I’ve also got the fucking invoice too.

All I wanna do is hold him and I can’t because he’s dead. All I wanna do is talk to him and I can’t because he’s dead. I’ve been talking to him anyways. I’ve been talking to myself. I feel like I’m on the brink of insanity most days.

All this to say- I’m gonna talk about Joe. I wanna talk about what happened. I wanna talk about things I saw. Things he went through. The questions I have. The answers I know.

the only way through this is through it. And I think talking about it is going to help me get there. Even with the ugly side of humanity that’s shown its face during this, there has been an even larger number of you, family and friends that poured mounds of love and for that I am forever grateful. #joefelz #trustyourfeet taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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a month ago

taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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2 months ago

I think the most important message I could send to all of you right now would be this…

Love who you love with every fiber of your being every chance you get and don’t you ever take it for granted.

Everyone thinks there will be another hug coming after this one. Another kiss. Another laugh. Another text. Another flower. Another note.

And then one day there’s not.

I feel like I’m in the wrong universe. I don’t belong in a universe where Joe doesn’t exist. Sometimes it literally feels like I’m having a heart attack. Your chest gets so tight It’s hard to breathe. The only person i wanna talk to doesn’t exist anymore.

Feels like I’ve continued to lose him all over again every day. Numerous times a day. You notice the smallest thing and it opens up a whole new level of grief. You go from shock and disbelief staring at a wall feeling nothing, to rage I’ve never experienced before, to an endless pit of sadness that feels like it could pull you down to where you never return again and then you repeat the cycle over and over and over and over and over.

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

So please, if you all take anything from what has happened, take this

Love who you love with all of you every moment you get because you don’t know how many moments you have left #joefelz taken in Augusta, Georgia by @alzwls

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2 months ago