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Analy 🦋

@analyzzethis_

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When I spent the weekend in Paris alone, I didn’t think it would actually be alone. I thought someone would come with me, but no one could.

On my first evening, I cried a little. The silence in my life suddenly felt very loud. I felt nervous and unsure about how to enjoy the city I love so much. Having plans and loving the experience are very different things.

The next morning I walked to the Louvre early, hoping to see it without the crowds. It was freezing, and then it started to snow.

I spent the day alone - but somehow I spoke to people everywhere I went: the pilates instructor, the barista, the waiter, the sales assistant, the woman in line for the toilet, the taxi driver.

None of it happened by chance. It happened because I took a chance on myself and allowed myself to notice.

Notice everything.
And slowly, noticed myself becoming more comfortable. More confident.

I didn’t expect it to snow.
I didn’t expect to fall in love with my day.
I definitely didn’t expect to fall in love with myself.

Love isn’t just about the who outside of you, it’s about the who inside of you too.

Love meets you where you are - but only if you show up.

#analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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7 months ago

I haven’t lived in Iran, but Iran lives in me.

I didn’t grow up with photographs of Iran, instead, I was raised on my mother’s stories - the most wonderful ones. They sounded like fairytales, the kind you read to children before sleep, where everything is vivid, generous, and alive.

I think it’s because of her - because of her storytelling - that my imagination is so rich. That my own stories are detailed and colourful. That I can fall in love with a place before I’ve ever been there. But loving Iran from afar has never been simple.

Iran is not just the land of saffron, rugs, and meat skewers. Iran is where you go to meet your family, because everyone feels like home. Where kindness is instinct, and hospitality is a language spoken fluently. But it is also where people have stayed and endured - where bravery has been lived, not spoken about.

Iran is where you go to understand the great Sufi poet-mystics, and realise they were the original architects of what we now call love language. Love as devotion. Love as resistance. Love as survival. You hear it most clearly in the music - songs that carry a thousand stories, even when silence is safer.

I have never been braver than the people who stayed. Those who fought for freedom not knowing if they would see it. Those who paid the price so that others might one day return and celebrate.

There is a strange ache in being in the diaspora.
It can feel like arriving after the party, only to find the clean-up still happening, the mess, the grief, the chaos left behind. We are watching the cost in real time, aware that our joy will be built on someone else’s courage. And still, I am proud.

Proud of a people rich in diversity, culture, individuality, and faith — in all its forms. Proud of a country that was progressive long before tolerance became fashionable elsewhere. Proud of a lineage that chose poetry over erasure, beauty over bitterness, and hope even when it was dangerous.

Iran is its people.
A land born of lions and light,
raised on poetry, patience, and quiet defiance.
Empires passed through us; we remained.
Our strength was never in borders, but in the way we carried beauty through fire and called it home. by @analyzzethis_

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8 months ago

home.

home is such a unique concept, a subjective idea or perhaps feeling. home isn’t just the place we pay rent. for some, it’s far greater than themselves. for the kid that grows up to build a homeless shelter for stray cats and dogs, home is the planet we share with animals. for the young woman living out her suitcase as she pursues her corporate goals, home is her tiny apartment in the city that she pays an extortionate amount of rent for. for the old man who sells spices in his market stall, as he has done for the last 43 years, home is the same soil and land he was born on. for the girl who fulfilled her student dreams of living in a major city, just to spread her wings, home is where she returns every christmas. for the woman who is searching for herself, as she sheds her old persona for a new one, home is a feeling she finds by a body water. but for her, home was the city she moved to when she was three years old, fleeing war. she knows the other place also counts as home, but she feels like an alien there. a welcomed guest that must leave, not because they are asked to, but because she wants to. she feels uncomfortable. it feels unfamiliar. for me, she is home. she is the safest place in the world. where i can reveal my secrets and my fears and she will make space, like a shelf in her wardrobe just to store it all. her hugs are softer and more comforting than my mattress and her smile warms my coldest winters. home can be the biggest place in the world, or the smallest. it can be the most isolating or it can be the most inclusive. for me, home isn’t a place or a feeling. it’s a person. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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a year ago

❤️

the most natural thing for me to do.

#analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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a year ago

I remember the day I became a mum, and even now, my eyes still collect tears when I think about it. I had been waiting so patiently to meet you. There was a quiet moment between contractions, and i simply hoped you would like me. I prayed for so much in that final hour. And then you came, and my heart exploded like the Big Bang. Life as I knew it changed forever. I felt a love so new, it was as if I, too, had been born again. I loved you, and you loved me back. From that moment on, my days were rooted in your joy, your comfort, and your safety. There has never been a single day where that love has taken a time-out. Life lesson one: Seek a love like that. And if you cannot find it, become a love like that. There have been times I’ve questioned myself—after arguments, after seeing you hurt or sad. These are the things you don’t know about me, the parts of myself I keep locked away, to keep us safe. I didn’t have any help when you were little, and most of the time, I had no idea what I was doing. No one teaches you how to be a mother—that would be acting. What I’ve learned is that motherhood is about collecting every ounce of love you’ve ever received—love from your parents, your siblings, your cousins, your school friends, your adult friends—and pouring it into your child, every single day, bit by bit. And as their needs grow and change, like medicine for the heart, you adjust the dose accordingly. Some call it a sacrifice, but I believe we are all meant to spend our time on Earth finding the things and people we would die for—and choosing to stay alive for them. Becoming your mum didn’t mean my life stopped; it meant I got to restart. My mother once told me, “You’ll live life again through the eyes of your child.” I didn’t fully understand what she meant until now. The cycle of life is taking your child to the theme park you once loved, watching them experience it for the first time, and suddenly, you are living it all over again. Like any love worth knowing, worth experiencing, my happiness is simply a reflection of yours. I know it’s Mother’s Day, and you want to celebrate me—but I wouldn’t have earned my place in this club if it weren’t for you. #analyzzethis taken in 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷. by @analyzzethis_

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2 years ago

i turn 83 years old next week and i have family and friends flying in from across the world to celebrate me. it’s so kind that people do this for each other. they meet each other and let love move them. when summarised that way, it’s a short sentence but a grand gesture. i was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 years ago and thankfully got the all clear the year i turned 80. at the peak of my illness, i couldn’t be close to those i loved due to risk of infection. i couldn’t even risk holding hands with someone. when i was going through treatment, there was a man my age in the bed next to me. we spoke about our lives before cancer and the men we were before cancer changed us. he told me that he met many but only loved a few. he told me that his wife died a few years ago and his children had married and moved abroad for work, so he didn’t see them much. one day the nurse came in and needed to put a tube through his hand to collect blood and he refused. he asked for the tube to be put somewhere else but not his hands. i later asked him why and he said, “it’s the hands that hold the heart and i don’t want my hands to remind my heart of this moment in my life.” that stuck with me for days after and i thought about all the hearts my hands have carried. my wife’s when we first started dating; we didn’t dine out anywhere without holding hands. my sons when he was born and i was feeding him; he would play with my ear as he drifted into sleep. my dogs when we first got him; how he cuddled up to me to give him belly rubs. life is just a constant cycle of carrying all the hearts meant to move you. and now the hearts that have made life feel like heaven, are travelling the earth to carry mine. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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2 years ago

when we first met, he did something very strange. he asked me what i did and i told him about my job as a nurse. he then asked me the question again and said, “no. what do you do? when nobody is looking, when you’re not getting paid for it, what do you do?” i told him i write. he said, “oh so you’re a healer before sunset and after sunset.” that was one of the most unique compliments i’d ever received. one day he sat me down and said, “nobody ever talks about how daunting it can be falling in love with a writer. their imaginations are so wild and wonderful, you worry reality will never measure up. the only way to win in this game, is to take you to a place where the sky meets the sea.” every night he’d write me short love notes to keep me going during my long shifts, and he’d always sign them off with the 🌖 and i’d follow suit. we never had to discuss it but we both knew what it meant; ‘to the moon & back.’ my love for the moon rubbed off on him, so much so he’d take pictures of it for me, even if i wasn’t around. when you look at the moon, although just by seconds, you are looking into the past. loving him has meant only looking into the future and suddenly i see a place where the sky meets the sea. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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2 years ago

adventure of a lifetime 🚀 my final story.

i met this girl in london, whilst on vacation and she was unlike anyone i’d ever met before. she was searching for magic but sad at the same time and i learnt this very early on. i was trying to figure out how to tell her that magic isn’t something that’s found outside of her, without her ripping my head off because she was so determined it exists somewhere in the world. she wasn’t wrong, but like her shadow it just follows her. she is never going to catch it if she doesn’t stop to notice it’s in her. it is her. magic has become her. this girl was very special, she just lived in such an authentic way and to the average joe she would be considered delusional but that’s what all non-believers say about people like her. i’m not religious but i believe in her. we made plans to hang out and she picked me up from the tube station one night. i asked her if i could sync my phone up and play some tunes. she was in a bit of a daze so she didn’t care what was playing; i played this song and her head whipped around so fast i got scared. i had never seen a look like that in someone’s eyes before. it wasn’t sad eyes or happy eyes or even ‘come to bed’ eyes. we stared at each other so intently in that moment i could see her brain trying to understand what this sound was. i knew it felt familiar to her. the look she had in her eyes translated to ‘i’m home’. i knew it and she did too. when it started playing, she realised what song it was and said she didn’t care for the version everyone knew, because this was the only version that mattered. “i don’t know this song but i know it sounds like home. wherever this person was when they wrote this song, i’ve been there too.” i’ve never cared for london because as nice as it is the rain puts me off. i live in the sunshine but it made perfect sense that she was from london. a place where the pressure and the rain makes diamonds. one minute i was on vacation, the next minute i too was home. #analyzzethis taken in London, United Kingdom by @analyzzethis_

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3 years ago

Inheritance tax 🪙

she was the woman i spent years waiting for. i dated a lot of women but every woman i dated, felt like a necessary step on the stairway to heaven. it sounds terrible, but i could feel myself arranging date after date because i could feel her drawing closer to me, after every failed attempt. the women i met didn’t go unnoticed though, it’s almost like they too could sense my urgency in whizzing through dates. sometimes dating would last weeks for optics, but between me, them and the big guy it’s like we were all in on some twisted joke. she was the only one that didn’t know, and i wish she did. eventually, after years of going through the necessary i finally caught up to her. the woman i dreamed of, i could smell, i could watch as she stared into a daze in the passenger seat of my car. she was everything to me and i adored her, so much so that when i came into my inheritance money left by my family i transferred it all to her. she didn’t know this and i don’t think she’d care. she was just happy she didn’t have to spend another painful moment faking her joy or pretending things were enough. she told me on our wedding day, “today is the first day of my life that feels enough.” my wife, my dream girl, she too inherited something from her parents but hers was a hereditary disease. i left everything for her, but she left me. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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3 years ago

letters from earth 🌍

life is a crazy, wonderful, strange, terrifying thing but this is the only one we are in long enough to document. to talk and speculate about. there might be some after this, there might be none after this. do you think there were moments before this? i don’t know, i don’t even know what we’re all doing. nobody does. we’re all just winging it, one feather at a time and silently hoping we don’t crash and lose our wings. this life is everything and it’s nothing. everything is nothing and nothing is everything. we did that. did we always do this or is this a new phenomenon? we just make stuff up in this life and then like a wild fire, it catches on to the rest of us and we all run. but do we run to the crazy or from it? if we were always like this, i hope we change. if we weren’t, i’m sorry. i can say that because i understand my power as one person on one planet. just as i cherish one single star amidst a million in the night sky. i cherish me, i cherish you. do you cherish me? do you cherish you? remaining grounded whilst looking up is the hardest thing we strive to achieve, as we wait in line for our morning coffee and navigate excel sheets. let’s try though. let’s look up more. at the sky, to ourselves and to the dreams we are all painfully trying to catch up to. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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3 years ago

Back to you 👭🏻

we’re both adults leading our own lives now, but do you remember the conversations we had about the people we’d become when we grew older? i remember being so excited to grow up, but i’ve always been the one in a hurry. you’d want us to play video games and build lego houses, but all i wanted to do was watch tv shows about teenagers being teenagers. i remember counting the years until i was free because i believed being an adult meant you were free. nobody telling you when to sleep, where you can go and what you can wear. fast forward years later and i find myself a prisoner of my creativity and confined by the corporate walls. and yet, i can push past those thoughts. the one that stops me in my tracks is recognising that when i hit fast forward on my childhood, i did the same to yours. it’s pretty selfish to want to connect to my inner child, when i essentially said there was no room for yours too. today, i saw this little girl playing and i didn’t think of little me, i thought of little you. i know i’ll slowly return back to me, but today for a moment it was so nice to return back to you. #analyzzethis by @analyzzethis_

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3 years ago

14th february 4eva 💕✨🍒🌹🫶🏼 by @analyzzethis_

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4 years ago