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Anita Tomecki

@anitatomecki

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Human Behaviour Expert & Coach, Speaker, Podcaster, Workshop Facilitator

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"Nothing Is Coming to Save Us"

In this in-person episode, Anita Tomecki asks the question most of us are avoiding:

Will AI replace us, or are we choosing to replace ourselves?

Robot partners. Digital coaches. The illusion of constant support.

But what if the real answer has nothing to do with tech… and everything to do with us?

🎧 Episode out Wednesday 18th June at 7am taken in London, United Kingdom by @anitatomecki

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a year ago

🙏 taken in Bondi Beach by @anitatomecki

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3 years ago

Are you afraid to say I love you?❤️

#iloveyou
#lovepodcast
#relationshippodcast
#relationshippodcast
#podcastrecommendation
#marriagepodcast
#lovequotes taken in Bondi Beach by @anitatomecki

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3 years ago

The Saviour & Seeker, one of the most common, painful, and hidden dynamics in human relationships💣

When 2 insecure people come together, one seemingly confident & the other displaying more obvious insecurities. Assuming their roles as driven by their childhood traumas.

The only difference is how that insecurity wears its mask.

The Seemingly Confident One (The Savior) - hides their insecurity behind a mask of competence, control, and caretaking.

They feel worthy only when they are needed and so don't have to look at their own hurts. Their inner narrative is: 'If I can fix you, I prove my own value, but you better appreciate me!'

The openly Insecure One (The Seeker) - wears their vulnerability like armor or a cry for help. They look for someone external to pedestal and to solve their internal pain. Their inner narrative is: 'If you save me, it proves I am worth loving. But I may end up resenting you for manipulating me.'

It looks like a perfect puzzle match, but it is actually a recipe for chaos and resentment.

The moment the "seeker" actually starts getting better and no longer needs saving they can often be angry and feel manipulated. Blaming the other and missing the dependence that they needed initially. Not taking responsibility for ignoring the red flags due to their desperation to be saved and overly trusting someone due to their lack of ability to save themselves.

True confidence doesn't need a pedestal or a savior.

True vulnerability isn't about asking someone else to rescue you. It is about owning your struggles while taking responsibility for your own healing.

It takes a lot of emotional maturity to spot this cycle. Instead of simply seeing the saviour as the bad person who should know better and the seeker as the victim - really it is 2 victims coming together hoping to be saved by the other.

Same same (inner insecurity) but different (external behaviour)

Breaking this cycle requires a difficult admission.

the Savior must face their fear of acknowledging their insecurity and the Seeker must face their fear of self responsibility.

Confronting stuff but where the freedom lies❤️ by @anitatomecki

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2 days ago

'The link between laughter and mental health:

🤣Laughter stops distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.

🥴Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.

🙏Laughter shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed and diffuse conflict.

🥰Laughter draws you closer to others, which can have a profound effect on all aspects of your mental and emotional health.' Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith

And ultimately laughter occurs in presence.

It's a great state interrupt from thinking, bringing us into a more natural (present) state away from the thoughts we are torturing ourselves with and making up in mind 🥰 by @anitatomecki

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3 days ago

@jourdi_bleu Shares her story of battling addiction and being on the cast of reality TV show Below Deck.

#loveisland #belowdeck #realitytv #podcast

This episode of @science_meets_soul_ was powerful. Thanks to my amazing cohost @anitatomecki for her insights. taken in Sydney, Australia by @anitatomecki

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3 days ago

When Men Cry ❤️

I currently have more men than women coaching with me. This changes from week to week, month to month and over the years I have witnessed more and more men coming into self development/inner work.

Tears are a big part of the coaching process and both men and women can find it really easy or really difficult to cry. This is dependent on individual and not gender.

Not all women coaches can coach men, not all women coaches can coach women.

Not all men coaches can coach men, not all men coaches can coach women.

Some years ago, I got to the point where I had spent so much time talking in depth to both men and women, I really started to see clearly that at the core we are the same as much as we are different and that varies from human to human rather than man to woman.

Yes our various body parts are different, but the mind and body childhood stuff we hold that runs us mostly outside of awareness boils down to the same core stuff.

We have been so heavily conditioned to see difference that we don’t often give ourselves the chance to communicate at depth with each other, what's really at the core of our upsets and hurts.

While the internal hurts are the exact same, societal conditioning often dictates how men and women are allowed to express. This is likely why the divide feels so wide on the surface.

Men are often taught to channel fear or hurt into anger, withdrawal, or hyper-independence, because showing sadness or vulnerability is labeled weak.

Women are often conditioned to channel anger or boundaries into tears, anxiety, or people-pleasing, because open aggression or independence is labeled as unfeminine or difficult.

When I look past those coping mechanisms during coaching, I see the same human heart underneath.

Let's start communicating more and understanding each other to bridge this divide. Let's stop blaming each other and believing the generalisations that all men are this and all women are that.

It is reported that there are still more women than men in self-development work and no doubt why women can claim to be doing all 'the work'.

How can we bridge this gap, how can we lessen the divide?❤ by @anitatomecki

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6 days ago

Do women carry the mental load? And resent men for this?

Who suffers more Men or Women?

And what is the answer?

Please comment below!

And to listen to full podcast comment POD below🙏 by @anitatomecki

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21 days ago

100+k views! Celebrating 1 year of podcast @science_meets_soul_ 🍾💖🍾 by @anitatomecki

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10 days ago

Celebrating 1 whole year of our Podcast 🩷🍾🩷 100+k views!

@science_meets_soul_ began 1 year ago today where @candicejaclinwellbeing and I went live on Instagram talking medical weight loss & disordered eating.

We never thought a year later we'd have had so many guests join us and even up level to live stuidio recordings!

Over 100k YouTube views not to mention the reels 🍾 Thanks to all who watched/listened/liked/gave feedback etc!!

Hot topics around addiction, sxx, relationships, cheating, breathwork, escorting, bedroom performance, business leadership, coaching, women's cycles, starting a business, jobbing your love & much more!

Big thanks to my podcast partner in crime for all of the hours of editing (up levelling her skills as she went!) as well as her fab presenting! Doing all the bits I'd rather not!

We came together because we both love podcasting, me loving the guesting/talking side and Candice presenting/editing 💖

Thanks to all guests so far (not all made it to YouTube due to tech issues🥲 but there was not 1 interview we didn't love!)
With @intimacyrewired @eric.leto @ally__hensley @stasiastakos @gxpybus @amandagoffofficial @frances_frey_11 @sarahfehlbergnaturopath @jourdi_bleu @karina.kalilah @katiedelimon @amylynchy2708 @bondibeach.babes @nickwhitecoach
Steve....and @coachbenny_ !! (Look out for this one!)

Here's to many more fab episodes and guests. See story for link to watch and subscribe 🩷 by @anitatomecki

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10 days ago

'We laughed, I cried, but I always left each session feeling positive. I’ve seen such a positive impact on my life since starting coaching! The best coaching I’ve ever had!'

Client testimonial from my lovely client Sophie. Never seen a client lap up the homework (tools and practices) like it!

As uncomfortable as these excises can be this lady threw herself in and the results shine through ❤️

Sophie says her biggest takeaway from our time together:

'How people treat you is a reflection on them not you. I think about this all the time! But also the ability to challenge my own self limiting/ doubting beliefs and take different actions I wouldn’t have previously done.

Becoming aware of beliefs I have about life and myself that have been holding me back, understanding where they came from and talking them through using the different NLP programmes of the mind with Anita really helped me to remove the weight and impact they have on my day to day life.

It’s definitely helped me to believe in myself more at work, catch myself in times of doubting myself and improved the way I approach difficult conversations in relationships.

I loved working with Anita. I enjoyed having a different programme to think about each week and little tasks to focus on between sessions as well as my follow up post session notes she sent.

I really enjoyed our conversations as we laughed, I cried but I always left each session feeling positive and I’ve seen such a positive impact on my life since starting!

The best coaching I’ve ever had!! And as a result I have recommended you to friends.

Thank you so much for our time together, it really pushed me to rethink some of my belief systems, challenge them and take risks to do things differently and believe in myself. Grateful for you ❤️'

And I am grateful to you Sophie (Sydney) by @anitatomecki

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12 days ago

We are never fighting each other as much as we are clashing our childhood traumas - but we don't realise this.

We really believe it is them:

not seeing me, not hearing me, rejecting me, abandoning me, controlling me, gaslighting me, love bombing me, ghosting me.

It all seems so personal.

Why?

Because we rarely sit down and explore our childhood experiences, mind programs and where our nervous systems started to dysregulate.

Why don't we?

Well if we aren't sitting down to have these conversations it is often because we don't realise this ourselves.

Why?

Because no one taught us. Because no one knew this to teach us.

So now we have 2 nervous systems reacting out of our historical survival mode.

Our body and mind doesn't know it's arguing with someone who loves us in 2026, instead we are back in our 7 year old version, trapped and trying to survive.

We aren't fighting another as much we are fighting the ghost of the environment that hurt us.

Number one coaching topic as I work with clients/couples and all relationship conflicts.

As we start to really understand this, remove blame language, gently each take responsibility for our pasts and then get curious to their experience, well -

whether you remain in each others lives from here becomes a choice and no longer a hateful reaction.

Feel free to DM me to hear more on this life changing process ❤️ by @anitatomecki

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12 days ago