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ashapey (they/them)

@ashapey

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creator | lover | seeker | dawg dad | whole human.
📍Today: Queertopia, New York

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30-year old patient “exhibits a small juxtacortial lesion adjacent to the left middle temporal gyrus [of the brain] measuring 4mm x 3mm.”

My dear sweet ones, it pains me to write this here — in this way. Some of you I’ve tried to reach, but the truth is there are too many of you that I love and that love me and this is the only way I can reach you.

About a month ago, I had a seizure and after appointment(s) and appointment(s) my neurologist called me to tell me that the radiologist found an abnormality on my brain during a recent MRI. In a matter of minutes my life, and everything in it, was flipped upside down.

“I’m just 30 years old.”

“Is this normal?” I asked my neurologist. Of course not. I knew this to be true, and also* I struggled to hold the weight of it all. The truth is we humans aren’t supposed to have something growing on our brains — specifically, for me, on the region that controls language and hearing. My medical team, that seems to be growing by the day, don’t yet know what it is or how it got there or when; but one thing is for certain: I am at the beginning of what’s to be a long road.

The last 4 years of my life, I’ve survived horror and abuse systemically, institutionally, personally. I’ve rebuilt a life from the ground up. I am just coming up for air. The news of this feels well... unjust. And yet, life just keeps going.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been sharing with my beloveds, including you now, the terror. Each time it feels like heartbreak. It’s inconceivable, unacceptable even, that I might be leaving you earlier than I thought — but that’s a possibility that feels as real as it does frightening. My days have been filled crying, mourning, laughing at the absurdity of it all and arbitrariness of life. I have not been alone. Those that are near and far have been with me everyday since I’ve heard the news because I need them, as much as I need you.

I struggle to bear the weight of it all on my own - so my ask is that if you love me, if you see me hug me tight. I am in the battle of my life. And I am so, so tired.

Do know this: I love you, I love you, I love you - each and every one of you, until the very end, no matter what. by @ashapey

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2 years ago

we just crossed $10k in total donations! thank you to everyone who’s donated + shared. a few $5/$10/$15 donations today would move us fast. no cash? (literally same girl!) + share this post to help spread the word! 🔗 in bio.

we’re raising the goal to meet the more full scope of the need here (med bills! shelter! treatment!)

want to help? → dm me for a quick lil text you can send to a friend (or cutie?) w/ the donate link! by @ashapey

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a year ago

Imma be honest, ya thurl is down baddddd - asking for mutual aid so i can restart urgent neuro care. after a layoff + an insurance lapse, i’m underwater and in need of some urgent care.

I’m raising funds for MRIs, urgent neuro visits, treatment, meds, and essentials (shelter! + food!).

Please help if you can donate a few bucks ($5/$25/$100) + share this post.

How you can help:
→ Donate online Chuffed (link in bio) one of the few platforms delivering direct donation $$ to organizers in P@Ie$tin3
→ Donate directly via CashApp or Venmo – note “Asha Medical”
→ No $$$? (same gurllll!) + share this post. by @ashapey

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a year ago

it’s been a hell of a year.
in the blast radius of disability
the flowers water me with love notes
reminding me: all flourishing is mutual. by @ashapey

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a year ago

Summer dump 2024. It was cute. by @ashapey

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2 years ago

Somewhere on the edge of the world with you. by @ashapey

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2 years ago

Corn-core.
I love 🌽 taken in St. James Place by @ashapey

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2 years ago

Flewed out, it was cute.
📍idk ??? somewhere in the algarve taken in Algarve, Portugal by @ashapey

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2 years ago

Happy Pride! Another year another nipple👌🏾 Cheers to dancing topless on the dance floor. Just trying to make nana proud. Also wow, I’m so hot. taken in Queertopia by @ashapey

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2 years ago

This is 30. Three booked flights, 15 delays. Sometimes you fly to NOLA to meet your besties and sometimes that same day you end up at mochi donut with a candle at 10 pm. & just life keeps going.

taking a moment to take it all in. thank you to all of the people I love for loving me back. I am a better human because of the way each of you love me, see me, teach me. and also* the earth is honored to have me here - y’all are welcome. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee by @ashapey

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3 years ago

mostly a post about lenox’s most recent vacation in new hampshire ft. me n my sistafrens by @ashapey

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3 years ago

love so sweet it comes in 2 pts. Lenox is (the best) medicine. taken in Indianapolis, Indiana by @ashapey

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3 years ago