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Ava Hoffman

@avaehoffman

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📍the sticks (MA)
i make stuff. diy-punk, fashion votary, visual artist, model, writer. anarchist. dyke. medical mystery. prospective doctor.

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by @avaehoffman

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6 days ago

outta focus

photos by @paulkarnsphotography

gotta give pre- brow bleach me some air time too taken in North Adams, Massachusetts by @avaehoffman

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13 days ago

summer dump but i take staggeringly few pictures of myself for someone who is a model by @avaehoffman

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25 days ago

so excited to share these. so privileged to have worked with such an amazing team. thank you thank you thank you and more soon!

photographer: @brandonloo.jpg
model: @avaehoffman
creative direction and styling: @mel.akok
HMUA: @zrboston

#editorial #fashionphotography #bostonmodel by @avaehoffman

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a month ago

2 days ago I turned 22 and it made me just a little bit braver I think.

“
There’s amniotic fluid everywhere —
you really don’t want to see this
fetal urine
caterpillar cellular soup.

God nicked Her thumb with the parer.
it’s a bloody show;
the placenta
separating.

I need it to be ugly,
OK?

Pediatrician and psychoanalyst
D. W. Winnicott famously said
there is no such thing as a baby.

I have made myself a tree
that falls in the forest;
you wouldn’t know it
but I am screaming.

and I don’t know how to do this
but I am.
So please
allow me to introduce myself.

My mother made me with her body.
A little leech miracle with a belly button mouth,
floating in my own piss
and listening
to the bum bum
bumbum
of her anxious heart.

If I’d never heard of espresso
I’d tell you I am whatever makes your chai “dirty”.

I used to look into the mirror and ask my own mouth if I was there.

Every few years
— I admit to myself now —
I have adopted an ugliness:
Piles of hair on the bathroom floor,
those glasses I didn’t need,
the fuckass outfits.

I cringe just as quick.
I’m Icarus in a snorkel,
and I am starving.

I’m a recovering beauty bulimic,
and I am being dragged kicking off the back of the wagon.

Did you know that no one can make you?
Did you know that if you want to
you either will or you won’t?
No one was supposed to know that I want.

But lounging somewhere on Mars, Copernicus,
that rat bastard,
is sighing;
watching the cherry in his drink spin.

I open my mouth
“I know.”
I started drawing when I was illiterate.
There must be something to all of this crying out.
“

**edit: the small mistakes in the last couple slides are because I was absolutely rushing to get this posted before I changed my mind or agonized over it. i need it to be ugly, ok?

#freeverse #poetry by @avaehoffman

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2 months ago