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Trish Hlohinec

@beforeandaftersloane

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Bittersweet: gratitude for one, grieving for another.
Sloane Joy 💜 Born still 09.03.20
Hamilton, ON 🇨🇦
📷 @friends.of.meadow

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Today is the sixth anniversary of the worst day of my life, also known as Sloane’s birthday. The weight of this day never seems to get any lighter, and the way my body knows this day is getting closer long before the calendar flips to September is really something.

There just aren’t enough words in the English language to articulate the grief that comes with losing a piece of your heart and having to keep moving so you don’t get swallowed up by it.

Put simply, I miss my daughter every single day and wish she were here to celebrate her birthdays with me. Happy birthday, my baby girl 💜 by @beforeandaftersloane

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a month ago

Moody candle for the International Wave of Light. An hour in time to honour all of our babies who should be here with us. A flickering flame to show them they are never forgotten and we will carry them with us until the end of time 🩷🤍💙 by @beforeandaftersloane

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3

a year ago

Today is Sloane’s 5th birthday. Five years without my beautiful, perfect daughter. Five years of missing her every single day. Five years of reliving the worst day of my life, and still wishing I could go back in time and hold her again. Five years of feeling guilty that I couldn’t save her. And five years of heartbreak that my son never got to meet her or be her best big brother.

They say it gets easier over time, and I suppose that’s true, but what they don’t tell you is that at any given moment your mind will take you right back to that time and place and it will feel exactly like it did then. I am always one memory, one dream, one sound or smell away from the day Sloane was born in a silent room. Grief is heavy and exhausting. And it never goes away. by @beforeandaftersloane

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a year ago

More than 4 years later, and something like this takes me right back to that lifechanging, earth-shattering day. I received Sloane’s stillbirth certificate a couple weeks ago and I haven’t been able to articulate what this means to me, and what it means to bereaved parents across the province. My friend, Shakhnoza @thenasims made this tangible piece of our babies possible and I can’t thank her enough for pushing so hard for it.

When you lose a baby, you want to gather every memory, every piece of evidence that they existed, you can and hold onto it forever, because that’s all we’re left with. We don’t have the luxury of making new memories. Getting this in the mail was such a gift, and also a stark reminder of what I will never have.

I ordered the medical certificate as well, in hopes it would offer some insight into what went wrong - it didn’t. All I know is that Sloane died because of a complete placental abruption, but I don’t know what caused the abruption itself. I never received the pathologist report from the hospital, despite requesting it multiple times over the years. For now, I’m so grateful to have this piece of my daughter’s life 💜 by @beforeandaftersloane

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2 years ago

Every year, as a way to honour Sloane, I make donations and purchase items that support pregnancy and infant loss initiatives and loss mamas making a difference. This year, I decided to order two books I’ve been waiting to get my hands on.

One was written by loss mama @kidsgriefsupport, who not only supports grieving children in her day to day life but has also written two books which beautifully explain grief and loss in ways kids can understand.

The other was written by @afterevalyn who writes beautiful words about the loss of her daughter which always resonate with me.

Thank you both for all you do to honour your babies, and support others as we honour ours. by @beforeandaftersloane

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3

2 years ago

Today is Pierson’s first day of grade three, and he was very excited to go back to school. It’s also Sloane’s fourth birthday, but instead of celebrating her first day of kindergarten, I’m putting flowers on her grave. Life is beautiful and also grossly unfair.

I am incredibly grateful for my amazing little boy and I am in constant agony missing my baby girl. My heart is in two places - heaven and earth. Today is both happy and heavy and I can honestly say that about most days since Sloane died. Even the most joyful of days are tinged with sadness and a wonder about how things would be different if she got to stay. I miss her beyond words 💜 by @beforeandaftersloane

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2 years ago

by @beforeandaftersloane

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2 years ago

I miss my baby girl every single day, but the holidays and special days are the hardest. When family gathers together, there’s always someone missing. by @beforeandaftersloane

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3 years ago

Happy Love Day from me and the one I wish could have stayed 💜 by @beforeandaftersloane

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3 years ago

Another Christmas without Sloane 🤍 She should be three this year, bouncing around the house with excitement, not really understanding what it’s all about but soaking in the magic around her. It’s impossible not to think about how different life would be if she only got to stay. Loss is hard to live with all year, but especially at Christmas. The reminders are everywhere. by @beforeandaftersloane

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3 years ago

“Sloane - Loved by Trish” is an enormous understatement but I so appreciate the PAIL Network for honouring my beautiful girl and the babies of all the amazing volunteers who dedicate their time to support loss parents. #pail #pailnetworkcanada by @beforeandaftersloane

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3 years ago

by @beforeandaftersloane

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3 years ago