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Being with Grief

@beingwith.grief

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How might being with grief serve us in living? 😌
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Counselling Psychologist 👩🏻‍🏫
📍Singapore

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This episode is fueled by the tender love I received in the thick of grief 🩶
COVID-19 restrictions made it hard, yet I was wrapped in warm hugs of love through some of these messages.

I've been frustrated at things people choose to say or not, in those times - ignored, sent angry emails or cried in frustration. 2+ years on, I'm finally able to calmly and gently share this in hopes that we can be more thoughtful when speaking and being around someone who is grieving.

This can be a pocket guide for you when you meet anyone who is encountering any form of grief, even those beyond death (e.g., relationships, identities etc)

My biggest hope is that we will:
1. take a pause and consider our intentions before we say/do something for a griever (or literally anyone)
2. take a pause to think if saying nothing is really the best option (it sometimes can be)
3. take a pause, and maybe... be okay sitting with grief in silence and solidarity, and know that it's also enough.

May this serve you in being WITH grief with whoever you love 💕
(Link to podcast in bio) by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

The waves of grief, grief bombs, and reminders are everywhere. I've learned that the world won't be able to stop for my pain and so through lots of stumbling, trial and error, here's an episode sharing what I found useful in navigating my own grief. Everyone's journey is unique and personal. My hope is that you'll be able to allow grief, and give yourself permission to grieve in any way that works for you.

Building a compassionate bereavement sensitive society is important, and so is learning to support ourselves. Taking care of my grief and giving myself permission to grief, I believe is one of the ways I continue to honor those I've lost. In this process of caring for myself, I'm further empowered to continue showing up for the people in my life now, who matter.

Grief, my biggest teacher of love. Thank you for showing me the way. 🩶

Link to episode in bio by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Hi everyone, the podcast is back with a mini season!🎙️

The episodes will be released next Tuesday morning, with two (for now) 15-minute episodes that cover questions that have come up for me the last year
- How do I support someone who is grieving?
- I'm grieving, how can I support myself?

Over the past year, I've received so much love from this community - you all reached out to share your stories, and provided me ideas of what I can do with this space, the podcast and beyond.

I've since continued to clarify my role in this space and for now, going with the end in mind, I hope to leave a little something for people who love me. I'm wishing that if one day I'm no longer on this earth to accompany them on their journeys, they'll always have a piece of me and my thoughts about grief to keep. This is me loving everyone who loves me and has crossed paths with me 💕 thank you thank you thank you.

Hugs,
Hui Sze by @beingwith.grief

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3 years ago

hello my friend, it feels good to come greet you today :)

it's been awhile since I came along here. grief still continues to weave through the fabric of my life, and also it does not consume me as much. still, there are little moments like this one today when grief visits and grounds me.

I was on the way to the nearby hawker to get dinner for my grandma, with the context of just admitting my mum to the hospital for a chronic back issue. I walk this route with my mum a lot, and we noticed this beautiful tree flowering last year and my mum stopped and took a photo then. We marvelled at it whenever we spotted it on the road or in other neighbourhoods, and also noticed when the flowers served their time, bloomed and never did again through the year.

So on this walk today, I saw the tree starting to bloom, took a picture and sent it to my mummy, and she responded. At that moment, I thought to myself, "how lucky i am that I can still send a message to tell her that I thought of her and get a response"
I imagined a day I walk down this same path and can't do the same... and tears start to well up.

these tears were such a beautiful reminder. to cherish, to hold close while I still can. I feel so grateful for all the people I still get to have in my life. may this gratitude be enough for me.

grateful to have welcomed grief's visit that brought about love's arrival ❤️ by @beingwith.grief

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10 months ago

Daddy always encouraged us to be adventurous, try new things. Some of the most significant childhood memories include him making me feel brave enough to slide down a fireman pole, ride a camel, feed animals in the zoo. Small things, yet only made possible with him safely challenging and supporting me.

Whenever I attend a new course, learn something new, go for a workshop, I would want to tell daddy because I know he would be pleased. In our last few months together in 2021, I remember telling daddy about my bosses being supportive of my Masters application, that I got an interview slot etc. He was, as always, encouraging and supportive. There was also a quiet grief, quiet knowing that he would not live to find out if I made it into the program or not.

I got accepted to the program, I was overjoyed, it was a dream come true. It was also painful not being able to share the joy and milestone with the parent who I always wanted to share these things with. Y'know that childlike feeling, where you're so excited to share something good with an adult and know you'll be celebrated? That really hurt. Still, I found joy going to the temple to tell daddy - I made it! 3years later, I've completed my masters, I'm living my dream of being a psychologist.

Recently I got to work with The Straits Times on this docuseries - Let's talk about death. The process of filming this series was itself an experience of so much grief and joy - actively bringing myself to talk about one of the most painful days of my life, and also celebrating the fact that I get to now live this more intentional, clarified and beautiful life.

Daddy, we made it to the series together, not just me, but us. Mama too. It feels like you were here this whole time, safely challenging me to keep trying, as you did with me on the fireman pole. I'll honor you by taking best care of your daughter, aka me, myself and continuing to live and make choices that I believe will elicit that supportive and encouraging look and demeanour I miss and appreciate. Come tell me how you feel about the series in my dreams, see you there :) by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

In our latest wake up call, we hear from Hui Sze, whose father’s terminal cancer diagnosis showed her how little our society talks about death and how ill prepared we are for dying well, even though it’s the one journey we are all on from birth. This process of being with grief and healing, led her to wanting to help others and resulted in the ongoing podcast series called @beingwith.grief. Read her story here.

#bedeeplycurious #deeplycuriousco #innerwisdom #mindfulness #selfdiscovery #selfcare #wellbeing #inspiringquotes #spirituality #joy #alignment #wholebeing #wisdom #consciousness #holistic wellness #healing #selfhealing #compassion #awareness #grief #dyingwell by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

3 years on - some observations.

recently I watched a documentary that mentioned how a woman had turkey tail mushroom with chemotherapy and survived stage 4 cancer. I went "what???" and then a wave of tears followed. yes, I still get angry when hearing/reading about cancer survivorship. I still debate with mummy and wonder if we made the best treatment decisions / if you should have gone through any chemotherapy at all etc. while being sick recently i kept thinking about the fevers you had and how impatient I was because of my personal discomforts witnessing you being unwell.

A video was shared with me recently. it spoke about re-looking loss and grief as a gain, and possibility for connection. Each time grief arrives, it is an invitation to spiritually connect with our loved ones who have transcended. and if we see this grief as a loss, we might lose this opportunity to connect, to see how they are always present and connected to us, in spirit, in our hearts, in everywhere and everything we do.

I loved this. I never liked the term "I loss my dad to xxx" because did I really REALLY lose? it might look like it in so many ways but it's only half the truth because I've gained and continue to gain so much. and it is evident how you are still fully present in my life, our lives, in how you surface through many of my conversations and experiences, as above.

You're always here with me, and you're also not. I shall swim between these truths and continue honouring you by feeling everything in between. happy 3 years of liberation and transcendence. I'm grateful to continue busking in the light and lessons of your departure.

Always missing you, please please come to my dreams more? why don't you do that as much anymore? I've gotten better at remembering and embracing dreams now. We haven't decided to forget and we won't, so know that you're most welcome okay? y'know mummy and I delight in telling each other when we dream of you? okay? see you soon okay? by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Concluding this series of posts for now :) it has been so gratifying to be able to share these based on my own journey with grief and see how I have grown over the last 3 years.

Grieve well if you need to and take care 🩶 by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Some little notes on taking care of yourself while grieving 🩷 by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Grief is a relational wound and so healing relationally can be most supportive. I've benefited greatly both from being alone and also in the healing presence of others.

its sometimes hard to witness others struggle as they witness our discomfort. I've learned to let go of "feeling bad" for what they feel and instead, find ways to also support them in being okay with the feelings that arise within them, even if it's uncomfortable. I also do my best to check-in and be clear on the type of support I need so that people can be at ease when holding space for me :) by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Self-care is not a luxury but a discipline.

I've learned that the world does not slow down or pause because I'm grieving, which makes self-care so much more important and possibly empowering. Sometimes we feel like we need to be most selfless, in this time, to show up for our lost loved ones - yet is it truly sustainable for our bodies?

I see self-care as a way of showing up - when I'm well, I can show up to handle any administrative affairs required. when I am well I can honour my lost loved one, by living. like really... living :") by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago

Giving myself the permission to allow different emotions to co-exist, I feel, has been the most compassionate thing I have done for myself on this journey. Grief is tough enough, and to make it conditional or exclusive is additional hardship on our already tender hurting souls.

it sounds easy to say this and know it, but truly sitting with opposing emotions is hard work. Yet with practice over time, I've learned to observe them surface and appreciate what these emotions are really trying to tell me about myself, my relationships and where I am on my healing. ❤️‍🩹 by @beingwith.grief

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2 years ago