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Happy Solstice sweet boy. Although I miss holding you, you’ve been with me every moment since you passed, just like you promised. I love you so much you little miracle, Dexter by @bmarred

As previously mentioned, I suffer a rare but proven auto immune condition called dysautonomia. I receive a monthly infusion of immunoglobulin which renders my physical form quite ill for days…….and that’s where todays “Remembering Dexter” post picks up.

This was our special time together, he couldn’t leave the bed, neither could I. He needed help with food, so did I. He had someone that loved him completely…….. and so do I. It’s been hard for me to accept the amount of love that’s pointed in my direction by a family that took me in when I was a true mess, physically, mentally, spiritually….. but the Vacovsky family never flinched, never wavered. I’m attempting to draw a correlation between the effortless love that I easily excepted from Dex, but I’ve struggled accepting and reflecting back the love from those in a family that allowed a stranger along for the ride. I always thought Dexter was the glue, the buffer between them and I that made this situation of an “adopted adult” tolerable, but once again I’m gratefully wrong and a new feeling flooded in, true acceptance.

We never know how much time we have to show our true selves to those we care about, as much as we can ever “know thy self” in the first place, but I encourage anyone that’s read this far to please give it your all to do so today, right now.

When the world feels scary I seem to reach for a hug far faster than I reach for gumption to stand up to it. Maybe that makes me look weak, or maybe it’s the only thing that makes sense in the face of odds insurmountable, either way it’s my natural reaction to hold on to what I love and simply witness, or watch as this grand game of life unfolds before us. I now know, thanks to the exercise of truly grieving, that love is capable of transcending space and time, able to cross vast distances instantly giving me a clue as to the substrate, the glue holding this place we find ourselves together. It really is true the love never fails, even if we do. I hope you can feel it too, because I love you all. Thank you for your attention, the most precious gift we have by @bmarred

Rest my brother, and tell me all about the ocean by @bmarred

Thank you to everyone that reached out about Dexter moving on. I somehow made it to 45 years of age without having experienced death firsthand. Im my training with Shamanism, psychedelics, and very powerful divorce back in 2009, I thought I’d be prepared for the ark of emotions that I’d go through. Gratefully I was wrong and a new experience flooded in. I won’t try to use words for the ineffable, however, I will say I’m grateful for this experience. Life is precious therefore death is as well. You may not have known, but Dexter was blind and had heart issues where he struggled for the very breath of life we can sometimes take for granted. The last eight years of an impressive 20 together, his daily routine was my daily routine. Being disabled myself with a chronic auto immune condition I was able to help him live ten years longer than the veterinarian had diagnosed. Love is powerful, capable of things miraculous to our expectations. I wish you all the gift of “putting your plans on hold” to experience the gift(and work) of taking care of some body that you Love more than your own body. I won’t pretend to know where we were before we were born, nor will I comment on where we go afterwards. I will say that the Dexter I love was no longer in the confines of flesh when I buried it. He now is alive in the stories and memories of all those that had the privilege of knowing him. Thank you @drdexterbubbletrousers Dex for just being you, no expectations, no words, all feels. I finally know the full circle that love offers us, from that first moment of greeting one another, to the last in physical form and beyond. What a gift this life is…….. by @bmarred

If you see a shooting star tonight, it’s just Dexter giving one last wink goodbye. I hope you all have the gift that is taking care of a fourlegged partner. Dexter and I spent the last 20 years together through better and worse, and now, he’s become everything. Please take a moment to send some love to my best friend and life saver, Dexter by @bmarred

Well……this made my day!!!! Thank you @joeylandreth for the best shout out, and wonderful new episode of Golden Age of Gear, it truly made my day!!!!! Evan, you’re the best!! I l hope you all can make someone’s day by surprising them with a shout out from their favorite guitar hero!!!! #joeylandreth #goldneageofgear by @bmarred

Wake from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape, we escape

Pack and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before all hell breaks loose

Breathe, keep breathing
Don’t lose your nerve
Breathe, keep breathing
I can’t do this alone

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There’s such a chill
Such a chill

And you can laugh a spineless laugh
We hope your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one in everlasting peace
We hope that you choke, that you choke

We hope that you choke
That you choke
We hope that you choke
That you choke by @bmarred

Dear Cells….. I love all 30 trillion you, even the cheese doodle parts by @bmarred

Sometimes gratitude is all we have to lean on. I’m grateful for my friend Dexter because we both need one another and are super happy about that fact. Unconditional Love is so important, wordless but loud. I’m grateful we get another day together by @bmarred

$Amplituhedra, Cluster Algebras, and Positive Geometry. These objects live outside of space time, a concept that’s hard for my brain to hold but it’s so fun to try. The idea is, the “movie” we’re watching thats is referred to as “reality, or maybe “waking life”, is actually a projection. Projectors require a 2 dimensional film , a Light, and refraction to shift the phase of the light waves that flow through. Those phase shifted waves flow through space and time and are collected on a flat surface giving us the observer, the very compelling illusion of a 3 dimension world, easy to focus on and empathize with. In fact our breathing is entrained by those acting on screen, our blink rate, and even heart rate is affected by the phase shifted light that flows through film. The Amplituhedra are like the film, I think. And the cluster algebras and positive geometry’s are the way to describe how the phase shift happens. I’m most likely not correct about this but I’m trying and for that I’m proud. Thank you for listening to the voice in your head read this, I love you all!!! by @bmarred$

I hope I’m growing. I hope I’m not deluding myself when I say “I Love you All”. I’ve never met a person I don’t have nearly every core value and feeling in common with. I’m grateful to have gotten to experience the world and the people on it. I’ve learned that we’re all the most beautiful jewel of light, and veritable photon in the stream of consciousness. May we propagate peacefully. I love you all…. by @bmarred

Shedding my skin for the next chapter, meet me there? by @bmarred