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Boycott The Before

@boycottthebefore

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#BoycottTheBefore challenges the "before" photo
of Eating Disorder recovery comparisons.
As seen in People, HuffPost, Cosmo + more
By @lexiemanion

POSTS STORIES REELS

I began this account in 2014 and carved out my voice of lived experience in body positive and mental health spaces many years before I decided to go back to pursue my education. I have contributed valuable work to these spaces.

Some therapists continue to still operate from the “blank slate” approach in which they choose to not disclose much personal information to their clients. I do not carry the privilege of perpetually walking in being a blank slate due to continuously advocating for important causes for over a decade. I’m also not sure how healthy or conducive being a blank slate always is; there is a balance to anything and everything in life.

I continue to uphold my ethical judgment in therapeutic spaces, which means keeping firm boundaries while simultaneously offering authenticity for my clients as needed.

I will continue to use my platform as a means of educating the public and providing resources. I am a human being before I am an advocate, and I am a human being before I am a therapist. Sensitivity and compassion will continue to be utilized in my work.

My posts are my own and do not necessarily reflect my current or future places of work. I will not share client artwork or stories to abide by HIPAA. And I firmly believe that therapy should be more accessible.

I am so unbelievably honored to model both self and community advocacy to my clients, as well as to be a human being who put in the hard work of choosing to go to therapy myself.

Fostering a safe space for clients to show up as they are is the foundation of my work. My own work is not a map or a guide, but truly one valid story of lived experience, learning, exploration, and healing. Your story of how you heal is valid and important.

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified healthcare provider. by @boycottthebefore

Listen, I’m sick of being reduced to just a body. To a “before”. To an “after”. I’m a living, breathing, worthy work in progress. My eating disorder recovery cannot be documented in the way social media calls for. I don’t feel a need to show you a “glow-up” either. I am more than my body.

Some of you lovingly say my confidence is beautiful, my skin glows, or my outfit is cute, yet I am so far into my healing journey that while I always appreciate the kindness, I care far more about my impact through my words and actions.

Show me substance. Show me something real — grit through grace. I’m more than this vessel. I am my life’s work — all this goodness of community I’ve carved out through self reflection and catharsis.

I became a writer because I was finally finding my voice after years of making myself small. I was taught that it was wrong to ask for help and to be who I am, and so I stopped speaking and turned to my eating disorder to cope with the pain.

This is my life’s work through choosing recovery. My words are my river of communication; they are everything to me. I’m also not just one speech or one article or one painting; I’m all of it. I’m also what I’m still working through. What you get is what you see.

What are you proud of that simply cannot be shown through an image of your body? What is your passion — your purpose? What can you show us beyond the obvious? Your safe space? An award you’re proud of? Your pets? A favorite song?

My words are my greatest treasure after years of suffering in silence.

I’m sick of being reduced to just a body. I am my words — penned, spoken, and some still yearning to be set free. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

I am more than a “before” photo. I am more than my body. And you are, too.

| #BoycottTheBefore @boycottthebefore | by @boycottthebefore

#BoycottTheBefore @boycottthebefore
I have an article that will be published on the sister website of @neda soon that discusses this in more detail. I'll share it when it's posted but wanted to share some now. ((I don't intend to shame anyone who has shared their recovery photos. I'd like to offer different perspectives because it's important to open the conversation rather than assume everyone is on board. I hope those who disagree can speak kindly and non-judgmentally in return.)) For those in early recovery especially, our eating disorders can tempt us to compare numbers or sizes, or even make us question, "Am I sick enough to receive help? Because that person seems to need it more than me". That can be very harmful when it comes to this.
These photos also solely show physical growth. It is a huge misconception still that those who have eating disorders must be physically underweight to be considered struggling. It reinforces a misconception that you can see who is struggling.
The truth is: we aren't telling the whole story through these photos, even with our captions. There are people in recovery who don't feel comfortable sharing their photos at all. And there are also people in recovery who simply cannot relate to having any shocking physical changes.
Overall, though those of us who can share these photos are praised for sharing them and may be creating short term change, we are feeding into the misconceptions of eating disorders and sadly not making room to create real, long term change.
So let’s fight back.
I encourage you to responsibly share your recovery story this NEDA awareness week if you feel comfortable doing so. I also encourage you to factor in other people – those in recovery and those whom we are trying to educate.
And I encourage you to use the photo pictured on the left as your “before” photo if you want to support this project.
We are so much more than comparison photos.
We are strong, resilient warriors and we will go against the grain and continue to fight to be seen and heard – even if that means not receiving instant validation.
Like recovery, change takes time; it is a journey but it is possible. by @boycottthebefore

With Halloween around the corner, I wanted to reshare my article from 2018. You can read the full piece on The Mighty.

As an art therapist working in inpatient behavioral health, I especially do not condone such mental illness “costumes.” Patients are in very vulnerable positions that are not their fault when they require mandated care. To me, it’s all very sad to witness when help needs to intervene. My team has to face impossible decisions and err on the side of safety while balancing ethics and patient autonomy.

Research reports high rates of trauma occur in psychiatric settings, including physical assault (31%), sexual assault (8%), and witnessing traumatic events (63%).

It is irresponsible for those who do not live the stigma of mental illness to don “psycho,” “mental asylum,” or even “Anna Rexia” “costumes” that can perpetuate deep pain — historically and personally.
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The mistreatment in asylums could have happened to any one of us had we lived back then, or even today at facilities continuing to uphold abusive and inhumane treatments.

No one deserves pain from people who are supposed to help. ⁣
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Mental illness is not a costume. We cannot so easily “take off” our struggles and be well when the night is over. It has taken me time, proper medications, compassionate care, and community support to heal from my pain. I will always carry the pain of my past in my heart and mind, and I also take my power back from those times because I have a voice now. ⁣
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Believe our communities when we ask for sensitivity and respect, just as we must listen with care to other intersections of marginalization speaking up for their communities. A costume is no longer a costume if it mocks, degrades, appropriates, stigmatizes, or shames.

***I wanted to acknowledge that it is always a beautiful thing in life, if we feel an immediate defense in our bodies, to make room to challenge, learn, and grow. These “costumes” harm myself and my patients whom I care about. Making a spectacle of human suffering pains me. Thank you for listening and growing with me.*** by @boycottthebefore

Lexie Manion (she/her) is a published writer, passionate artist, and outspoken mental health advocate who has dedicated over a decade of her life to these advocacy spaces. Recently earning her MA in art therapy from The George Washington University and starting out as an art therapist in inpatient behavioral health, she strongly believes that art and writing are pillars of healing. You can find more of her work at lexiemanion.com by @boycottthebefore

Of course I have tough moments and experience ALL the emotions a human can in the in-between. And I also worked hard for my peace and am well today. Baseline is the home I always come back to.

I was “treatment resistant,” in and out of the hospital for many years, and finally found the right regimen 7 years ago. Recovery IS possible.

Keep fighting. You are worth the time it takes to heal. by @boycottthebefore

I try to approach everything in life with sensitivity and compassion. I hope that is apparent in this post.

Let’s instill hope and encouragement rather than judgment.

• Statistic via Project HEAL •

***There are eating disorder and mental health resources in my Stories tab if you need support. It is brave to accept help. You are never alone.***

[Disclaimer: For marketing and educational purposes only; not professional medical advice.] by @boycottthebefore

Because eating disorder awareness is year-round. ☺️

I am the creator of @boycottthebefore, and even I’m not immune to the pressure of publicly sharing my “before” photos in eating disorder recovery — the ones where I appear ill and thin. The truth is, I struggled the most when you couldn’t see it.

Less than 6% of eating disorder sufferers become underweight. (Under what weight?!) Most of us don’t “look the part” the media portrays, centering thinness as the face of suffering. People can be malnourished and deeply suffering at any size.

I encourage sharing our potentially triggering photos/details privately, with people we trust and who can consent. We still have autonomy to seek support without fueling the comparison and competition eating disorders breed on public platforms.

I wanted to mirror this option to you by speaking with my mentor who had never seen my photos. I shared one photo where I appeared malnourished and one photo where I looked “fine,” but was suffering the most. She showed me deep compassion. And affirmed that we often focus on the external effects rather than internal realities. I explained to her how we often share eating disorder recovery through photos of our bodies, which is counterproductive; the reality is that mental illness cannot be seen. I also talked to her about how mental health IS health, and I am my happiest right now in this larger body.

When I looked sickly thin and received sympathy and concern (and sometimes praise), I was often numb. In a photo where I am plus-size and appear well, I was experiencing suicidal thoughts.

“Before” photos can trivialize the mental suffering that isn’t visible by focusing only on physical effects.

This is for those who didn’t receive support because they didn’t look “sick enough” and for those who only received concern when their weight dropped low enough to evoke it.

We are all worthy of support, attention, and empathy no matter what we look like. Let’s be real that the “before” photo may not always be rock bottom or the most painful. Eating disorders are complex and deserve to be shared honestly and with sensitivity for our communities.

I am so much more than a “before” photo. by @boycottthebefore

[Eating disorder awareness was my first passion. This fight was my first fight; my first love; my first taste of freedom.]

Rest well tonight. We have a big week ahead of oursleves — breaking the stigma and speaking up. I no longer use my body to communicate; I use my voice, and I use it unapologetically, even when it shakes.

#BoycottTheBefore #EatingDisorderAwarenessWeek by @boycottthebefore

What’s up senior portraits?!! I’ll be graduating in the spring with my BA in Psychology and minor in Fine Arts. Then, I’ll be off to grad school for my Master’s in Art Therapy.

You may see these photos and think I look really happy, and I absolutely was smiling genuinely in those moments, but I also was experiencing gut-wrenching anxiety and deep sadness that day. And the thing is, that does not show through these images.

I’ve seen in the eating disorder recovery community that some of us bypass the usual “sick body” versus “recovered body” before-and-after photos by instead sharing zoomed-in photos of just our lifeless eyes for the “before” photos, to avoid the triggering emaciated images. I truly see the intention is well-meaning, and at the same time, the concept does not measure up to the sly workings of depression. Sometimes people appear so happy when they were actually having a hard day. I see a lot of joy in these photos, but my stomach was turning over with shame and my brain was riddled with anxious thoughts. You can’t always see struggle; it’s not always meant to be captured. This is why I always come back to my campaign @boycottthebefore — because we are so much more than the images we are trying to show. Mental illness cannot be perfectly shown in photos. With these digital spaces, we may feel forced to share the “before”. We do a disservice to eating disorder survivors by focusing on the physical for a mental illness that may or may not take on physical effects. You cannot see someone with an eating disorder. Or depression.

My wellness today cannot be shown in images, but in how I felt lighter today. I’ve felt balanced and joyful lately. I do also have bad days, like anyone. People fake smiles to get through at times. I am more than a “before”. I am more than my sadness. I am not defined by images. I am a soul through and through. My physical vessel does not define or confine me.

I was also smiling in some “before” photos where my eyes appeared bright and alive, but my heart and mind were dying. You can’t see the internal battle. Here is our reminder to believe the unseen and show love to everyone, as you never truly know. #BoycottTheBefore by @boycottthebefore

I continue to practice #BoycottTheBefore and do not want to share photos of younger me suffering as it doesn’t capture the complexity or full truth of what eating disorders are. I can still tell you the story without subjecting teenage me to public scrutiny or my community to unnecessary triggers…⁣
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In the omitted photo, at 16 years old, I took a photo of myself in a very pretty form-fitting cream-colored lace dress. On a family vacation that day, I went shopping and purchased shape-wear. That night, we started to head for dinner and my mom noticed I looked so uncomfortable sitting in my seat in the car. I told her I was having trouble breathing from the tight shape-wear. I felt so constricted. I didn’t realize I had a choice in the matter. I reluctantly went back to the hotel room and took off the shape-wear. I examined myself in the mirror again, picking apart my “flaws” — every bump (that really only my eyes could perceive). I still felt I was a larger size after dangerously losing weight. Body dysmorphia can feel terrifying, especially when we are zoning in on minute, indistinct details. ⁣
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Today I wear a slip or bike shorts under my dresses, but they are loose-fitting and soft. I no longer wear tight-fitting undergarments; I don’t feel a need to.⁣
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I am so happy in my body today. This body image process is internal, so when we bank our entire worth on what we look like, it will always fail, as time will age us and our bodies naturally change as we do. ⁣Finding worth in who I am I find is most fulfilling.
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I am not meant to be the size I was at 16 years old. Unkind people can tell me I’m unhealthy by how I look, but I am my healthiest because my mental health is stable and thriving. I am a picture of health in how I treat myself and others with compassion. The girl in the “before” photo may have appeared “prettier” or “healthy” to you, but I’m not giving you the opportunity to decide that as I am omitting the photo — she was suffering and unwell, end of story.⁣
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It’s time to start equating health with words like: stable, at peace, joyful, free. My overall health is my life’s journey. I will continue to find balance as I choose freedom again and again. by @boycottthebefore

What I Lost: Beyond the surface-level fact I lost weight in my early eating disorder struggles, the worst thing I lost was myself. Through losing myself, I lost my voice, my freedom, my direction, my purpose, friendships and more.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
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What I Found: In embracing recovery, I found myself: my voice, my passion, my chosen family, my freedom and my heart. I continue to find ways to encourage my growth today and use my voice in intentional, thoughtful ways.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
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One of my old ways was sharing my “before” photos where I appear sick and malnourished. I realize now that there is a hurting past version of myself who wasn’t believed by some in her pain, so I just want to feel seen in it. It is misguided because the weight-loss was just one physical effect of the mental illness — it will never properly sum up my pain. My bleeding heart and traumatized brain need to be validated, instead — and in healing, constructive ways.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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The truth I come back to now is that it’s very easy for me to show you my “before” photos; it takes little effort or thinking. My hurting past self just aches to be seen. On the other hand, it takes work, effort and practice to choose to #BoycottTheBefore again and again — this is my recovery practice. And isn’t recovery all about feeling the discomfort and still challenging ourselves? In challenging the brokenness, we find new avenues to feeling whole. ⁣⁣⁣
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I am believed today. You don’t need to see the weight I lost. I don’t have to prove my suffering. And I suffered the most mentally when I appeared “healthy”. There is so much more to my story. ⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I will always believe you, too — through your heavy losses and your most profound findings. You don’t have to fight to be seen here. ⁣⁣
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I commend you for speaking up — whether you share your recovery story publicly or whether you are thinking of reaching out for help for the very first time. No matter where you’re at in this journey, I’m proud of you. Your pain is valid. The revival of your soul is so very worth it. We are so much more. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
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#BoycottTheBefore ⁣⁣
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📍Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2023 by @boycottthebefore