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Philip Yurek

@deafandanxious

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Anxiety struggles? I can relate

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Happy 4th of July! For most people in the US, it’s nothing more than a holiday. For me, it was a start of the ending of my time in Rochester, NY. It’s now a new beginning. This video is an intro to my testimony. If you’re interested, follow my account. Heads up tho…my story is pretty intense with all the DV and its fallout, job loss, and more. by @deafandanxious

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a year ago

This spider landed on my glasses when I was exiting my apartment. This was the second time this happened in two weeks, first of which was a bee. Unlike most, I was completely unphased. I have went through so much to the point I stopped reacting to trivial stuff like this 😂 by @deafandanxious

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7 days ago

Baltimore Incident Part 7: the main takeaway from all this is not to make your life unnecessarily complicated as I have. Let’s be honest: I do not want to share this story here for many reasons, complicated as one, embarrassing as another. One reason to share it is that God does have a way of straightening everything out and have a way to heal my hurts from Baltimore, DV crisis, and more from earlier. That’s the redemption story - it’s not ready to share yet but that is coming! by @deafandanxious

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25 days ago

Part 6: the fallout from Baltimore incident. I did not explain everything. Believe me, I had tried to write down them all and ended up with 50 pages for the first seven days after Baltimore. At this rate, I could write a whole book series with 10 spinoffs that all feed on each other all just to focus on the fallout. I gave up after that.

Suffice it to say that most people did not understand what exactly happened. They only knew the official story. Lies and rumors immediately spread throughout NTID and the wider RIT campus and I had no choice but to wait to slowly bring out the truth. My friend groups started to understand when the DV crisis began. Had Zoe and not my ex-gf ended up with this abuser who retaliated against me, that will not end well. Ironically, the abuser’s impatience in his revenge against me and my own stupidity had made that future I feared impossible. God had indeed factored all our stupidity into His Will by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

Baltimore Incident Part 5! I have a talk with Jesus. Obviously, this is a lot so I’ll point out the key points.

1. The misunderstanding between my friend and I from the night before (Part 3) was Jesus’s way of telling me the truth about MJ.

2. Demonic plot involving MJ’s memory and Zoe intended to start in March 2020

3. Jesus commanded me to stay away from Zoe

4. Jesus prohibits me from entering any relationships in Rochester, NY

5. Jesus gave me extra time to separate MJ from Zoe

6. The said extra time is time, times, and half a time. Or 3 and a half years. This countdown began on Dec 31, 2019 and ended on July 2, 2023, just two days before the DV crisis I shared so much about on this page. DV crisis involving my ex-gf was the same demonic plot mentioned earlier

7. Not included in video. Redemption has already been written and is currently a hidden plot

By these points, the implications are numerous. Even I could see consequences years down the road. Despite that, I did not follow most of what Jesus said here because I thought I could do it myself. Hint: I can’t. by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

Baltimore Incident Part 4: the morning after. This was only two events that took less than ten minutes together. Of all the events I had gone through, the latter is the most terrifying in my life. Even when my anxiety hit its peak in 2023, that did not come close to how scared I was. I could not understand let alone wrap my head around this. These two events drove me to Jesus and there, consequences were significantly larger than anyone could possibly cause. by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

Trigger warning! Baltimore Incident Part 3 now out! I did not directly name what I was dealing with in the video. It’s grief coming out in one of cruelest ways possible. I could not figure out who MJ truly is by myself. I had to be told, even through a misunderstanding. Then the devil attacked when I was at my most vulnerable by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

Baltimore Incident Part 2 out now! MJ, who passed away in 2018, was my first friend, first crush in Deaf community. She sat behind me on the bus. Satan recreated the same situation to twist my feelings for MJ into something it’s not. When those feelings got twisted, they, for lack of better word, splintered. Because of this, MJ later turned into Jane Doe. This issue is central to what happened in Baltimore more than a year and a half after MJ passed away. by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

New Series: the Baltimore Incident of 2019 AKA Winter Conference Incident is now up! Part 1 of 7: the official story. I found out who my wife and confessed to her the next day. But, not everything is what it seems… by @deafandanxious

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a month ago

Raw talk about my current situation of my career. I need ideas that can help me have a constant income and that wouldn’t break my body in the process by @deafandanxious

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2 months ago

I saw this when I was still working with Amazon. I think it was in March or April. This is true for everyone, even when they think they don’t have a battle to fight. It can be medical reasons, family, grief, alcoholism, or all of those. I certainly have mine for much of my life and only recently did I have proper words to describe what they are, grief showing in odd ways. You don’t have to explain what you’re fighting with. You don’t owe anyone that. Sure, there are those who got hurt by your battles. Depending on situations, make amends with them. Some will be ok with that and others don’t. As with the quote, if it is possible, be at peace with everyone as far as it depends on you. (Romans 12:18) by @deafandanxious

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3 months ago

A hazy Crater Lake National Park, Oregon in 2018. This pic was unusual in two areas: there was a wildfire in the national park nearby and that a heatwave crippled the entire Northwestern Coast. Crater Lake is normally crystal clear.

That vacation is not what I want to talk about, more about the heatwave back then, and how it’s hitting most of US this week, and what changed for me in my relationship with heat since 2018. In 2018, heatwaves are tolerated and manageable. I did get heat exhaustion twice in 2019 in Nebraska where it struck 100 degree at 8 am, and another in 80 degree in Orlando FL during spring break in 2020. I did managed the heat until 2023, the year of domestic violence crisis in my Rochester community.

After I intervened in July 4-5 DV incident, a heatwave struck Rochester and stayed for about a month. On the hottest day of that heatwave, my anxiety was about to turn my life upside down and I knew it. I sought help at a hospital after leaving work during lunch. But the people at hospital did not understand the severity and did a “band-aid”, which was setting up therapy. I got into my old car in a busy hospital parking lot and only had enough time to roll down a window before a full blown anxiety attack happened. It was so bad that I cannot turn on my car or open a door. It wasn’t until a coworker came to check on me at between 3:30 to 4 pm that I got help. (I later learned that I texted her for help but how I managed it while paralyzed is beyond me.) I only needed a cold blast of AC to kick the anxiety attack and I ended up in psych ward. I was oddly not dehydrated that much. I did get diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder that required 6 months of anxiety symptoms, which was not triggered by DV or my job at the time though both greatly contributed to it.

After I left NY, I barely tolerate heatwaves and only come out of AC rooms if I absolutely have to. I don’t want to be a medium-rare White Walker. When the summer heat becomes more manageable, I can go out as normal or at least early in the mornings. When it’s winter, it’s my time to shine by @deafandanxious

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3 months ago