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Izzy and Milo🐾

@dizzywithizzy

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Izzy (16)🐈 Milo (6)🐈‍⬛
Holding onto our days & little moments
Navigating Izzy’s cancer & kidney disease
Milo bringing the light☀️ Mom @whiskerfulpets

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The night before Izzy’s dental procedure and biopsy (March 2026), I was simply trying to prepare her as carefully as I could.

She had undergone a dental procedure years earlier at a different clinic in CA, and afterward her chin became swollen and irritated for months. It looked like severe chin acne, and I never fully understood what caused it. I only knew I never wanted her to go through that again. So this time, I trimmed the fur around her chin and neck, cleaned her up before the appointment, and made sure both the veterinarian and dental doctor knew what had happened before.

When we found this clinic, I felt strangely reassured. Their address even matched the numbers of my exact birthday - month, day, and year. It felt like a little sign that we had found the right people to care for her, and they truly have cared for her so well.

Watching this video now, what stays with me most is how completely Izzy trusted me. She let me trim her, brush her, hold her, and move her however I needed to. She never fought me. She was calm and completely at peace in my arms. This is what 16 years together looks and feels like.

At the time, she looked so healthy on the outside. We had no idea how much our lives were about to change.

Now, looking back, it breaks my heart knowing she may never look quite like this again - so clean, comfortable, and untouched by everything that followed. Since the procedure, the cancer and inflammation have seemed to progress faster than any of us could keep up with. Our days now include drooling, thick saliva, bleeding, constant cleaning, and doing everything we can to keep her comfortable.

And I would be lying if I said I never wonder - What if we had never done the biopsy? Would the inflammation still have become this severe? Would she be struggling this much now?

I may never know the answer. What I do know is that every decision we made came from love. We were trying to find answers and protect her, even when there was no perfect choice.

So I try not to let the “what ifs” take this memory away from me (but they do come). The night before everything changed, she trusted me with her whole body and her whole heart.

And she still d by @dizzywithizzy

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2 months ago

I’ve always been Izzy’s groomer. Ever since she was a tiny kitten. She loved sitting by the shower while I got ready, batting at the water, peeking into the tub, and acting like bath time was the most fascinating thing in the world. I usually only gave her baths twice a year, mostly during the summer when she spent more time outside on the patio. She never really needed much help because she took such good care of herself. She was always meticulous. After every meal, every nap, every little adventure, she’d make sure every strand of fur was back in place. She always smelled really good.

Lately, though, things have changed. Because of the tumor under her tongue, grooming has become difficult. Even though I wipe her face after every meal, tiny pieces of food still get caught in the fur around her mouth, chin, neck, and paws from pawing food stuck in her mouth. Instead of grooming herself like before, she now needs me to help clean her after almost every meal or every time she drinks water. So baths have become a little more frequent - not because she’s getting into mischief, but because she needs a little extra help now.

This bath was more than just getting her clean. It was a warm soak, a gentle scrub, lots of combing to remove all the little bits of food hidden beneath her fur, a little trim everywhere, and a fluffy blow dry. She was so patient through it all, with just enough sass to remind me she was still Izzy. 😅

When we were finished, her little white paws were fluffy again. Her fur was soft again, and she looked years younger. More importantly, she looked comfortable. Whether it was feeling clean again, smelling her food a little better, or simply feeling more like herself, she ate more that day, cuddled & laid on my chest for hours, and filled the house with the sweetest purrs.

For a little while, cancer wasn’t the first thing I noticed when I looked at her.

I just saw my beautiful girl again. I know she felt like herself again too and loved all our compliments.

#seniorpets #catcommunity #petparents #catmomlife #catcancer by @dizzywithizzy

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2 months ago

I’m convinced she’s an actual baby 😂🥹

Recently, we turned this guest room into Izzy’s room - a quiet space where she can rest away from Milo and a busy toddler whenever she wants some peace and quiet.

When our daughter was born, a friend gifted us this bassinet. Our daughter used it for maybe a few days before deciding she’d rather sleep with me.

Izzy, however, thought it was the greatest thing ever 😂

Whenever the bassinet was empty, she’d make herself comfortable in it. Sometimes she’d sleep in it, sometimes she’d sit beside it watching Baby A. Somehow she always found her way back to it.

While cleaning out the closet filled with baby clothes, donating and gifting, I couldn’t get rid of this bassinet. So I asked my husband to set the bassinet back up because I knew exactly who would appreciate it most. We put her @whiskerfulpets snuggle on top of the bassinet bed for extra cushion and the baby pillow.

Sure enough, the next morning I found her right back where she belonged 🥹

Looking at her in there brings me back to those early postpartum days. It’s funny how certain things can hold so many memories.

She’s almost 16 now, but some things never change.

She still loves the bassinet and any baby beds and car seat.
She still thinks she’s the baby.
And honestly… so do I ❤️

Some days are harder than others. Some days I worry more than I’d like to admit. And then there are days like this, where I walk into the room and find her sleeping peacefully in her favorite spot with the shark I gave her the day I met her almost 16 years ago.

Those are the moments I’m holding onto. Thankful I get to see her another day. 🙏

#mycatismybaby #millenialmom #petparents #anticipatorygrief #catcommunity by @dizzywithizzy

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4 months ago

Grief feels different at night.

During the day, there are things to do. I can work, take care of my family, laugh at something Milo does, distract myself and somehow keep moving. But then the house gets quiet, everyone goes to sleep, and sometimes I’m just lying there wide awake because my body physically hurts from missing her.

There’s this pit in my stomach and an ache in my chest that I don’t really know how to explain. It’s more than thinking, “I miss Izzy.” It feels like my body is actually longing for her. Like it remembers something is supposed to be here that isn’t anymore.

I miss the little noise she made when she jumped onto the bed at night. I miss sitting on the couch with my big cat snuggle and knowing that eventually I’d hear her coming to find me. She’d do her little hop onto my lap, curl herself into me and that was it. We’d watch K-dramas together, cuddle or do absolutely nothing. I didn’t have to call her. She just knew where Meowmy was and came to be with me.

16 years of that does something to your body. I think mine learned Izzy as a form of safety.

There were days when she was the reason I got out of bed. There were parts of my life that were incredibly dark, and she was there for them in a way I don’t think anyone will ever fully know. She saw versions of me that nobody else saw. She knew the deepest and saddest parts of me. I never had to explain what was wrong or find the right words for her. Sometimes all I needed was the weight of her little body on my chest and the feeling of her purring against me, and somehow she brought me back to center again.

She taught me that love doesn’t always have to be complicated. Sometimes love is simply someone finding you on the couch because that’s where they want to be. A little body curled into yours. A purr against your chest. Someone staying beside you while you fall apart without asking you to be anything other than exactly what you are.

#catcommunity #seniorpets #grievingprocess #petparents #catcancer by @dizzywithizzy

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11 hours ago

A little something light for this page today because apparently my latest coping mechanism is teaching Milo how to sing.

I keep seeing videos of talented cats singing on my feed, so naturally I wonder if Milo can do that. 😂🐈‍⬛🎤

I decided to test it with Old MacDonald. I sang the “E-I-E-I…” and left the “O” open for him. AND HE ACTUALLY MEOWED. Obviously I had to keep doing it to make sure it wasn’t a coincidence. 😂

Then my husband decided Milo needed backup vocals. Then my daughter joined. And somewhere along the way Milo’s singing lesson turned into a family a cappella group and I realized I apparently have three cats living in this house.

Also PLEASE listen to the different meows because one of them sounds increasingly over this entire situation. 😭 Creative differences already and Milo & The Meow Meows haven’t even released their first single.

Life has felt really heavy lately, so I’m extra thankful for completely ridiculous little moments like this that still make me laugh. Milo has always kept us entertained - he somehow continues to go along with whatever crazy idea I come up with next. 😂🖤 he’s really a sweet boy to us. We all need each other more these days.

Anyway, I’ll be accepting song requests for Milo & The Meow Meows below. 🎤🐈‍⬛🐱🐱

#blackcatsrule #catcommunity #singingcat #grievingprocess #petparents by @dizzywithizzy

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2 days ago

I miss these little moments with Izzy so much. 🥺

I’ve been a little quieter on here lately. I think part of it is because I’m still trying to figure out what this page looks like without Izzy physically here. Some days I want to share everything. I want to tell you all about the Izzy I knew for 16 years and show you every funny video, every little habit and every ordinary memory. Other days, opening my camera roll and seeing her feels almost impossible. There are still parts of our cancer journey I haven’t shared, and while I do want to continue sharing them someday - especially if something we experienced can help another pet parent - I’m realizing I need to give myself permission to do that when I’m ready.

But there’s something I’ve really been wanting to say to all of you: thank you. Truly. ❤️🤗

I could never possibly tag you all but have personally thank every single person who has shown us love, and I hope you know how deeply I appreciate it. You’ve checked in on me. You’ve donated to shelters in Izzy’s name. You lit a candle for my girl at your church. You’ve sent and gifted beautiful memorial artwork of her. You’ve supported us through Izzy’s Corner. Some of you have stayed up messaging me on nights when I was crying my eyes out. You’ve shared stories of your own babies with me, offered advice, cried with me, and continued saying Izzy’s name even after she left.

Some of you have never met me in real life. You never got to physically meet Izzy. And yet the kindness, compassion and generosity (big and small) you’ve shown us have genuinely touched my heart and made a difference in my life during one of the hardest times I’ve gone through. I know this page has been filled with a lot of sadness lately. I’m grieving, and honestly, I don’t know how long that will take. Sometimes I even worry that sharing so much grief will become too heavy. But this community has given me somewhere I can talk about her, miss her, remember her and continue loving her without feeling like I need to hurry up and move on. I’m incredibly grateful for that.

#catcommunity #petparent #seniorpets #catcancer #grievingprocess by @dizzywithizzy

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4 days ago

This was about a month after Izzy’s diagnosis. By then, we knew our time with her might be limited, so my husband and I started intentionally recording more of our everyday life with her. Not just the appointments, treatments or difficult days. We wanted her. The normal Izzy. The ordinary little moments that probably wouldn’t have seemed important before cancer entered our lives.

And this was one of them. I had made Izzy her food, made myself a chicken salad, and we ended up eating together at the kitchen counter while my husband recorded us. Of course, Izzy also wanted some of my chicken breast. Whenever I cooked chicken, she knew. She loved freshly cooked chicken, and I always saved some for her. It was just one of those little things between us that I never thought twice about.

Watching this now, that’s what hurts. Nothing special was happening. I was just eating dinner with my girl. And now I would give anything for another completely ordinary evening like this - to watch her enjoy her meal without any issues and just being in her presence.

I think that’s one of the hardest things I’m learning about grief. I didn’t only lose Izzy the day she died. I keep feeling the loss of her in all the little places where she used to exist. I feel it when I cook something she loved and there’s no little face waiting for her share. When I sit somewhere she would normally be beside me. When I walk into a room and instinctively look for her. When something completely ordinary happens and, for half a second, my brain still expects Izzy to be part of it.

Sometimes I think that’s why this grief feels so enormous. 16 years of loving her also mean 16 years of building a life around each other. She wasn’t someone I only loved during the big moments. She was there for thousands and thousands of completely insignificant ones. And I didn’t realize how much those tiny moments made my life feel like my life until she wasn’t in them anymore. 😭

#catcommunity #grievingprocess #catcancer #seniorpets #petparents by @dizzywithizzy

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7 days ago

One month without my Izzy. 😭🌈

Somehow it feels like yesterday, and somehow it feels like an eternity.

I miss the physical Izzy of it all.

I miss her weight on me. The way she would completely melt into my body because she trusted me so completely. I miss picking her up and holding her. Burying my face into her neck and fluffy belly until I inevitably inhaled or ate a few pieces of fur. I miss sniffing her and wondering how my little girl somehow always smelled so good.

I miss kissing her. Touching her. Feeling how soft she was. I miss simply being able to reach over and put my hand on her and know that she was there.

The first week after she left, I felt her everywhere. Maybe that was grief. Maybe it was my mind trying to make sense of the empty space in my heart that she had occupied for 16 years. Maybe she really was hanging around me for a little while. I don’t know.

But lately, I haven’t felt her in the same way.

And I think that’s been one of the hardest parts of this month.

As more time passes, it becomes more real that she’s actually gone. She’s not going to suddenly walk into the room. I’m not going to hear her little sounds somewhere in the house. I’m not going to wake up and realize this was all some horrible dream.

My brain knows that. I don’t think the rest of me has completely caught up.

Sometimes I genuinely want to throw a tantrum because I miss her so much. Like somehow if I cry hard enough and say I don’t want this enough times, the universe should have to give her back to me.

Some days I can get through the day. Other days, my body physically hurts from missing her. And lately, I’m just emotionally tired. Grief doesn’t feel lighter simply because more days have passed. Sometimes it feels heavier because every new day takes me another day further away from the last time I held her.

And yet I’m so thankful I have all of these little pieces of her to return to.

Cont. in comment 👇🏻

#catcancer #catcommunity #grievingprocess #petparents #seniorpets by @dizzywithizzy

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11 days ago

While I’ve been trying to figure out how to live without Izzy, I keep thinking about the other little heart in this house that lost her too.

Milo has been different since Izzy left. He’s quieter in some ways. He sleeps a lot more. And whenever I say “Izzy,” his little head still perks up like he recognizes exactly who I’m talking about. Sometimes I wonder if he’s confused about why he hears her name but never sees her anymore.

I wish I could explain it to him.

Milo has only ever known a life with Izzy in it. For the last seven years, they were together. When we first brought this energetic little black kitten home, Izzy was NOT exactly thrilled about her new brother. 😂 She made her boundaries very clear. But Milo was persistent. He wanted to be near her, wanted to play with her, and eventually she came around and learned to love him - in the very specific way Izzy chose to love everyone: completely on her own terms. 💜

Milo learned so much from her. I used to joke that he learned how to be a cat by watching his big sister. He followed her, watched her, copied her and grew up beside her.

Izzy had almost 16 years of life before she left us. Milo has had seven, and every single one of those years included her.

And today was his Lucky 7th birthday. His first one without his big sister. 😭

We’ve all been giving our baby boy extra kisses, cuddles and attention because while we are grieving Izzy in our own way, I believe in his own way, Milo may be grieving too. And that breaks my heart for him.

He’s usually my energetic boy. Curious, persistent, always somewhere investigating something or following us around. 😂 So seeing him quieter and sleeping so much makes me wonder what he’s feeling and how much of all of this he understands.

And this is the part I’m struggling with: How do I help the baby who was left behind when I’m still trying to figure out how to help myself?

Sometimes I wonder if Milo needs another cat. Maybe having a companion again someday would be good for him. But then immediately my heart says, It’s too soon. I’m not ready.

Cont. in comment 👇🏻

#catcommunity #grievingprocess #petparents #blackcat #cat by @dizzywithizzy

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14 days ago

This was a few hours before we said goodbye to Izzy.

Even knowing what was coming, I wanted to keep caring for her by giving her fluids. She could barely eat anymore, I could hardly syringe anything because of what was happening with her tongue, and she couldn’t drink on her own. She had spent so much of the night and morning wanting to be outside, and all I could think was that as long as she was still here, I wanted her hydrated and as comfortable as I could possibly make her.

So I kept taking care of my girl.

There was something incredibly strange about knowing that in only a few hours, everything we had been doing for the last five months leading up to this point was going to stop.

For five months, so much of my life had become: What does Izzy need? What else can we try? How can I make this easier? How can I get more food into her? How can I keep her comfortable? How can I get one more good day with my girl?

Constant research on different types of food, calling her vet nonstop, advocating for her to see if there’s something else we could have done and so on. But all of that was about to stop.

I’m incredibly thankful that I was able to be home with her and care for her around the clock. But I was also exhausted. Physically and emotionally. We all were.

And I feel guilty admitting that somewhere underneath the devastation, there was a tiny sense of relief.

Not relief that I was losing her. Never that.

Relief that I wouldn’t have to watch her struggle anymore. Relief that she wouldn’t have to keep fighting a body that was making the most basic things - eating and drinking - so difficult. Relief that I wouldn’t spend another night desperately trying to figure out what else I could do.

And then immediately came the guilt.

Because if the fight was ending, part of me felt like that meant I was giving up.

People have told me over and over that I made the right decision. That she’s at peace now. I understand why people say those things, and I know they’re said with love.

But grief isn’t that simple for me.

Cont. in comment 👇🏻

#petloss #grievingprocess #catcommunity #catcancer #petparents by @dizzywithizzy

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15 days ago

After Izzy’s cremation, I was in such a bad place emotionally and physically. I felt like I needed to get away, so very last minute, I got on a plane and took myself to another BTS concert in another state we call home.

I knew running away wasn’t going to solve anything. I just needed to leave for a few days. To breathe somewhere that didn’t have an Izzy-shaped empty space everywhere I looked.

And I did have a great time. I laughed. I enjoyed being with my family. I ate good food. I sang, danced and genuinely enjoyed myself.

But grief came with me.

One moment I could be laughing, and the next I’d be eating with tears in my eyes because Izzy suddenly crossed my mind. There were moments during the concert when I teared up thinking about her too. I’m learning that happiness and grief can somehow exist in the same moment. Having a good day doesn’t mean my heart stopped missing her.

And maybe I wasn’t really running away after all.

Izzy’s first flight was with me when we moved to California together. Just Izzy and me, flying across the country to start a completely new chapter of our lives in 2015. So going back there felt a little like going home too. She was woven into that part of my life long before so much of the life I have now existed.

But it was the flight home that broke me.

As the plane started descending, it suddenly hit me: I’m going home, and Izzy isn’t going to be there.

For years, coming home meant coming home to both of my babies. This time there would only be Milo greeting me. No Izzy somewhere in the house. No second little face to find. No possibility of walking into another room and discovering her asleep in one of her spots.

I couldn’t control it. I sat on that plane and cried and cried until my eyes were swollen.

I feel so empty without her.

#catcommunity #catcancer #grievingprocess #petparents #imissher by @dizzywithizzy

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19 days ago

Two weeks ago today, Izzy left this physical world. And two days ago, I had to do something I had been dreading ever since we said goodbye: see my girl’s body one last time and let it go too.

Walking into the crematory, I felt sick. I had spent the days leading up to it desperately wanting to see her again while simultaneously being terrified of seeing her. And then I walked into the room and there she was.

My Izzy.

We were told the entire day was ours and that we could spend as much time with her as we needed. So we did. We talked to her, stroked her fur, love on her like we usually do. And eventually I picked her up and cradled her one last time the way she always allowed me to hold her.

It was such a strange feeling. I knew every inch of that little body, but it didn’t feel the same anymore. She was cold. She was stiff. And yet my arms still knew exactly how to hold her.

I cried and held her knowing that eventually I had to put her back down.

They told us to take our time, but also reminded us that the cremation itself would take around three hours. And I remember thinking, How am I supposed to tell you when I’m ready?

Because I wasn’t.

Every fiber of my body wanted to pick her up and run out the door with her. There was this irrational part of me screaming to just take your baby home.

But I also knew I couldn’t keep her body forever. Time would continue doing what time does to a body after life has left it, whether my heart was ready for that reality or not.

Eventually, I knew I had to put her down.

Right before I did, I jokingly asked Izzy to please drop a whisker for me to keep.

It sounds like such a tiny thing, but I had been upset about losing one. The first night after Izzy crossed the rainbow, my daughter found one of her whiskers. I put it beside Izzy’s brush on the counter because I wanted to keep it, but it accidentally got knocked over the next morning and I could never find it again.

I was ridiculously heartbroken over that one tiny whisker.

So there I was, holding Izzy for the last time, asking my girl to somehow leave me another one.

Cont. in comment 👇🏽

#catcommunity #catcancer #grievingprocess #seniorpets #grie by @dizzywithizzy

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a month ago