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Dr. Caroline Iscovitz

@drcarolineiscovitz

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MFTC & LPCC | Content Creator | Speaker  Relationships • Family • Motherhood Mental wellness + real life

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9 years ago today, I started my first coaching business.

At the time, I had no idea how many different directions entrepreneurship would take me. Since then, I’ve had some wins, some failures, and a few different chapters in coaching, health and wellness, content creation, recruitment, and solar.

Each one taught me something different. Some things worked out the way I hoped, and others really didn’t.

But looking back, all of those experiences led me back to psychology and therapy, which is where my journey started in the first place.

It’s funny how sometimes you have to take the long way around to find your way back to something.

Nine years in, I’m still building something of my own, just in a way that feels a lot more like me. ❤️ by @drcarolineiscovitz

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7 days ago

One thing I’m learning in motherhood is how little there actually is a “right” way to do it.

There are so many opinions.

How you feed your kids. How you structure your days. How much you work. How much you stay home. What activities you do. How you handle sleep. How you spend your weekends.

And somehow everyone has an opinion about all of it. 😂

But the older I get, the more I realize that what works beautifully for one family might not work at all for another.

And that doesn’t mean someone is doing it wrong.

I’ve become much more comfortable figuring out what works for our family and letting that be enough.

I don’t need every other mom to make the same choices I do. And I don’t need to make different choices just because someone else does.

Motherhood is personal. Your family is personal. And I think there’s a lot more freedom in trusting yourself than constantly wondering if you’re doing it the “right” way. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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10 days ago

A reminder I’ve needed more as I’ve gotten older:

You don’t have to explain every decision you make.

Sometimes you can just know what works for you. You can change your mind. You can choose differently than the people around you. You can say no without having a five-minute explanation ready. You can want something different than you used to.

And you don’t have to convince everyone that your choice makes sense. I think there’s a lot of freedom in realizing that not every decision needs to be understood by everyone else.

Sometimes you just know and that can be enough. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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12 days ago

One thing I’ve learned both as a therapist and as a person is that understanding someone doesn’t mean you have to excuse everything they do.

You can understand where someone is coming from, know what shaped them, and have empathy for why they react the way they do. And still recognize that their behavior isn’t okay with you.

I think this can be especially hard when you’re someone who naturally tries to see all sides.

“They’re stressed.”
“That’s just how they were raised.”
“They didn’t mean it that way.”
“They’re going through a lot.”

Maybe all of that is true.

But understanding someone’s behavior and excusing it are two different things.

You can have compassion for someone and still have boundaries. You can understand why someone reacts the way they do and still expect something to change.

That isn’t a lack of empathy. Sometimes it’s actually what empathy with boundaries looks like. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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17 days ago

Can we talk about how sometimes you’re not actually looking for advice?

You just want someone to say, “Yeah, that’s hard.”

I think this is especially true in motherhood.

Sometimes you say you’re exhausted and you don’t need someone to tell you to go to bed earlier. You say you’re overwhelmed and you don’t need a reminder to enjoy it because they’re only little once. You have a hard day with your toddler and you don’t need someone to tell you that it’s just a phase.

You know. You know how quickly it goes. You know how lucky you are. You know you’re going to miss these little moments someday. You can know all of that and still have a day where you’re just completely tapped out.

Sometimes you don’t need to turn the hard moment into a lesson.

You just need to be able to say, “Today was a lot.” And have someone say, “I get it.” Because motherhood can be really beautiful and really hard in the exact same day.

Sometimes you don’t need someone to make it better.

You just need someone who gets it. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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22 days ago

One thing I’m learning in this season is that not every part of my day needs to be productive.

I’m naturally someone who likes having things to do. I like having a plan. I like accomplishing things. I like feeling like I used my time well.

But motherhood has made me realize how much of life happens in the in-between.

Sitting on the floor playing. Going somewhere just because my daughter wants to. Having a slow morning. Getting coffee. Taking the long way home. Letting her watch a little TV while I drink my coffee because we’re both having one of those days.

Things that don’t really have a purpose other than enjoying the moment or giving ourselves a little room to breathe.

And honestly, those moments can be some of my favorite parts of the day.

I don’t want to look back and realize I was so focused on making the most of my time that I forgot to actually enjoy it.

There will always be something else to do. Another email, another load of laundry, something I could be working toward.

I’m learning that not every day needs to be full to be meaningful.

Sometimes doing nothing particularly productive is actually time well spent. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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24 days ago

As a therapist, one of the things I wish more people knew about emotional regulation is that it doesn’t mean you never get upset.

You’re still going to get frustrated. You’re still going to lose your patience sometimes. You’re still going to have moments where you react before you’ve had time to think. Especially when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or already carrying a lot.

Being emotionally regulated doesn’t mean you never have big emotions. It’s what happens after.

Can you recognize what happened? Can you take responsibility if you didn’t handle something well? Can you repair? Can you come back to the conversation when you’re calmer? Can you say, “That wasn’t how I wanted to respond”?

I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to respond perfectly that we forget something really important:

Healthy relationships aren’t built by never getting it wrong. They’re built by knowing how to come back after you do. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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a month ago

One of the things I appreciate most about being a therapist now is that I’m not sitting outside of life talking about how complicated it is.

I’m in it too.

I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’m building my practice. I’m figuring out who I am in this next chapter, just like so many of the women I sit with.

Some days I feel grounded and clear. Other days I’m stretched thin, overwhelmed, and just trying to get through everything on my plate.

And honestly, I think that makes me a better therapist.

Not because I have everything figured out. I definitely don’t.

But because I understand the difference between knowing what you should do and actually being able to do it when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, or completely tapped out.

It’s easy to talk about communication when you’re calm. It’s much harder when you’re already irritated with your partner.

It’s easy to talk about boundaries when you’re looking at someone else’s situation. It’s much harder when it’s your own family.

It’s easy to know that taking care of yourself matters. It’s much harder when everyone else needs something from you.

I understand wanting to be deeply present for your family while also wanting a life, an identity, and parts of yourself that are yours. I understand that motherhood can change you in ways you didn’t expect. And I understand that you can be incredibly grateful for your life while still feeling overwhelmed by it, questioning things, or figuring parts of yourself out.

Because therapy isn’t about sitting across from someone who has mastered life.

It’s about having a place where you don’t have to pretend you have. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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a month ago

Something I’ve thought about a lot since becoming a mom is how differently women can experience motherhood.

As a therapist, I’ve spent years watching women pour absolutely everything into their children and slowly lose touch with themselves in the process.

And I’ve also watched women who are deeply devoted to their children while still making time for themselves, their relationships, their friendships, their work, their health, their interests.

Neither one is about loving your children more or less. But I do think there’s something really beautiful about showing your children that you can pour into them without completely emptying yourself. That’s something I’ve wanted for myself in motherhood.

I want to be present for my daughter. I want to make memories with her, be involved in her life and give her as much of me as I can. But I also want her to see me have my own interests.

To have a career I care about. To take care of myself. To have friendships. To prioritize my marriage. To have goals and things I’m excited about.

Because one day, she’ll grow up and have a life of her own. And I hope she never thinks becoming a mom means she has to stop being a person outside of motherhood. I want her to see that taking care of yourself isn’t taking something away from your children.

Sometimes, it’s part of what allows you to show up as your best self for them. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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a month ago

Can we talk about how you can be grateful for your life and still feel completely overwhelmed by it?

I think women are really good at minimizing how much they’re carrying. Because technically, everything is fine.

You love your family. You’re grateful for your home. You wanted this life. You know how lucky you are.

And still, you’re tired. Your brain feels like it has 47 tabs open. You’re thinking about everyone else’s needs before you even think about your own. You’re trying to keep up with the house, the appointments, the schedules, the relationships, the work, the meals, the texts you forgot to answer.

And then you feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed because you know you have so much to be grateful for.

But gratitude and overwhelm can exist at the same time. Being grateful doesn’t mean something isn’t hard. Loving your life doesn’t mean you have to pretend every part of it feels easy. Sometimes you don’t need to change your entire life.

You just need to acknowledge: “This is a lot right now.” And maybe give yourself a little more grace because of it. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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a month ago

I’m excited to share my latest magazine feature. 🤍

We talked about communication, relationships, motherhood, identity, starting over, and navigating overwhelm.

One thing I shared? I wasn’t always a good communicator. I spent years being a people pleaser and confusing keeping the peace with being honest.

We went a lot deeper than that, and I’d love for you to read the full conversation.

What’s one area of your life you’ve learned to communicate differently in?🤍 by @drcarolineiscovitz

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a month ago

A boundary isn’t supposed to make everyone happy.

I think this is one of the hardest parts about setting boundaries. We want to be able to communicate what we need while still having everyone understand, agree and feel good about it.

But sometimes someone is going to be disappointed. Sometimes they’re going to push back. Sometimes they may even tell you that you’ve changed. And that doesn’t automatically mean your boundary is wrong.

A boundary isn’t about controlling someone else’s behavior. It’s about being clear about what you are willing to participate in, what you need and what you will do when that boundary isn’t respected.

You can be kind and still have limits. You can love someone and still say no. You can care about someone’s feelings without taking responsibility for making sure they never feel uncomfortable.

That last one took me a while to really understand. by @drcarolineiscovitz

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2 months ago