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real mothman™

@ebbephant

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the eyes refuse their surrender
I make art and I write.
𓃬 𖤓｡⋆ 𖦹 𓃬° ⋆ ｡☀︎ 𓃬

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Some people don’t deserve the whole story,
but some babies are born see-through
They said my heart was showing
through my ribs,

something humming underneath my skin,
Secrets that refuse to stay quiet.

I try to hide,
to retreat to my darker side,
because pain, when you dress it right,
can sometimes look like power.
So I grew claws, I grew fangs,
Without the strength to bite

If there is resistance in softness, so be it.
Flowering plants might not know of their beauty.

When I find the rock and hard place
I line it with silk so it still feels like me
and step into the world shining.
Not untouched,
just free.

If I have to show myself,
I’ll do it beautifully.
If I have to bleed,
I’ll make it worthy.

May you lick your plates and never reach the kitchen.
May you see the fire without feeling the burn.

10.10.2025 by @ebbephant

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a year ago

3 babies in 3 years
Elsie, Leon, and Ezra

The losses are enormous, so is the love.

My son Ezra was born sleeping under the full moon in June. He was beautiful and perfect and I want the world to know him. And I wish I could know him more. I wish my children had the privilege of making all the decisions that life offers us. Great or mundane... I would give anything to learn what my children would order for breakfast at a diner, or what they would do for work, and who they would have loved. But I won't get to know them that way. So instead I carry them. I make art for them. I sit with Ezra's ashes at the beach, I take him with me for coffee. We startle people, we provoke curiosity, we find tenderness and love in strangers. That is the relationship I have with my beautiful baby boy. That is all I can give him. But it comforts me to know how much Ezra can touch the world from where he sits now. It comforts me to know how profoundly his siblings Elsie, and Leon, changed me. They made me a mother. I carried them alongside my hope, while I loved and forgave and fed people, while I swam and watched the stars. I lived through losing them. I became someone else through knowing them. I've lost Ezra. And at times I lost myself.

Extraordinary circumstances have followed from the moment I first learned I was pregnant. Each pregnancy had me at the threshold of hope and terror. Since the first time learning I was a mom 3 years ago, life has felt so beautiful and so painfully unfair. But Ezra has saved me in so many ways. I saw a bioluminescence event during a meteor shower. I found a brass cuff in the sand at low tide. I met artists who are the kind of parents I imagine becoming someday. I used a postpartum pad from my purse to stop a stranger's bleeding. I bought a pair of baby shoes and carried them to my doctor's appointments. I'm holding Ezra in my stretcher while I wait for surgery now. He's met everyone I have met. People say hello to him. Some people cry. This is the shape of my motherhood. The art I made, the vivid dreams and newly-formed instincts, the energy and inspirations I had when I carried my babies, are still here. All I have to do is reach for them... by @ebbephant

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2 months ago

If I be blind let me go blind by the light
By the starch white of cleanest snow
Or a thin veil cast from a velvet night
If my ears grow deaf for music and weeping
Let at least my weary fingers not slip
Let my blinded eyes not be caught sleeping

Wise mouths warned what was long foretold
Extraction sows disastrous seeds
Which world would my children grow to behold?
Copper, silver, lithium and gold?
What bitter heat would hasten clocks?
May this fire melt every chain and lock

If I grow cold let it be from love
for casting my net into clouds above
To catch the words I long to write, to speak
To wish cleansing rain on every peak
To form this spell, to cast tender grace
On every summit to valley, upon every face
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 taken in California by @ebbephant

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8 months ago

I don't have my old phone anymore, so I can't pull up the photo of my bloodied face after an icicle hit me on a solo hike two winters ago. Naturally I went back to the same spot for a self portrait

I'm ready for snow and sleeping... taken in New London, Connecticut by @ebbephant

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19 hours ago

taken in New London, Connecticut by @ebbephant

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a day ago

Time and tenderness, please by @ebbephant

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3 days ago

There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see and MAMA we're LoOKinggg by @ebbephant

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6 days ago

Writers and readers, please join us at the Annex next Sunday, 10/18 for an evening of shared language. Bring your notes, memories, grief and joy, songs, and favorite snacks. 3PM - 6PM.

Paper, pencils, and light bites will be provided. taken in The ANNEX New London by @ebbephant

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6 days ago

taken in The American Dream by @ebbephant

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7 days ago

Jag åt kebab här. taken in Kungälv by @ebbephant

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9 days ago

Self portrait in the 8th floor walkup - 2022 taken in Nice, France by @ebbephant

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10 days ago

I love you. Across every lifetime, forever.

Self portraits - 2025 - before I knew what else I would lose by @ebbephant

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12 days ago