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ella אֵלָה smith 🦈

@ehannasmitty

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@csu_etst graduate 2025
happily a dyke in education
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hellaween movies this week: “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma,” “Misery,” “No Other Choice,” “Twilight Breaking Dawn- Part 1,” “Heathers,” “Barbarian,” and “Nathan for You: Finding Frances.” by @ehannasmitty

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7 hours ago

would I do it? meditations on gun violence and teaching in america by ella smith

in light of the recent shooting in Fort Collins, I was having some big thoughts and big feelings that I could really only get out by writing

(if this is too hard to read, it’s also in the alt text of this post) Would I Do It?
Meditations on Gun Violence and Teaching in America
Ella Smith
My world is wracked with gun violence. Everyday, about 132 people die from gun-related
injuries in the United States of America (CDC, 2022). It lives ever present in the front of my
mind. Everyone I know has intimate personal trauma related to guns. Some of my best friends
are survivors of school shootings. My rival high school was Columbine (yes THE Columbine
High School).
Gun violence has never been far from me. It has also never been closer to me. As of writing this,
ten minutes away from my home, there was a police shooting. But it’s more than that. I am a
pre-k teacher. I teach 4-year-olds. Everyday, I go into work and I wonder “will this be the day I
have to make that choice?” We all know the one I’m talking about. To die, protecting my kids.
Or to live, everyday, with the guilt that I could have done more. While we all experience, and
live with, the inevitability of gun violence in America, I think teachers have been dealt the worst
hand. We go to work, everyday, underpaid and undervalued, just to know that it’s very possible
we will never return home. Never see the outside world again. That we may die. It won’t be a
quiet, easy passing either. It will be messy and violent and loud. And that that is what our
country has decided is acceptable.
What an impossible proposition. For those of you who are not teachers. You may think I’m being
dramatic. But I’m not. There have been more people killed by gun violence on K-12 campuses
than days so far in this school year. Teachers are being asked to make an impossible choice. Our
loved ones, are being asked to worry, every day, about us never coming home.
I can never stop thinking about Sandy Hook. It is never more than a blink away. Those tiny
bodies. Kaitlin Roig, terrified, barricading herself in the bathroom with 15 students and begging
them to remain silent. “Mommy, I'm okay, but all my friends are dead.” I remember when my
mom told me about it. We were in my elementary school parking lot. Picking up my brother. He
was late from basketball practice. And we were talking about school shootings. She told me how
it happened. She told me how it felt. In 2012, my younger brother was six. He was the same age
as those children. I saw genuine fear in her eyes. I wonder, did she imagine holding her own
child’s body? Did she think about what she would have done, if given that impossible choice.
I never stop thinking of Uvalde. How Irma Garcia tried her very best to protect her students.
Losing her life. She tried so hard to ensure that her kids were safe. How does her family mourn?
Do they ever wish she had made a different choice? Just hightailed it out at the first sound of
violence. Left the kids to fend for themselves taken in Fort Collins, Colorado by @ehannasmitty

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5 days ago

what an honor to live a life so surrounded by queerness, love, and joy by @ehannasmitty

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8 days ago

I got a gold star at the doctor. #Superstar. by @ehannasmitty

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15 days ago

would you love me if i was a 3500 year old worm and you were my family’s zombie swordmaster who i brought back like a million times to command my all-female fascist army by @ehannasmitty

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22 days ago

types of cats: orange, long hair, the new one, big, etc.

broken foot edition by @ehannasmitty

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a month ago

i love my friends and i love my girl and i love my cats and i love my life by @ehannasmitty

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a month ago

twenty two? more like twenty poo by @ehannasmitty

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a month ago

hard week to be a gay theatre kid by @ehannasmitty

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2 months ago

how much sand will the hand hold? taken in Fort Collins, Colorado by @ehannasmitty

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2 months ago

voted most likely to have my tongue sticking out in a picture by @ehannasmitty

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2 months ago

being in your 20s is just all about remembering how awesome it is to have friends over and over and over again. by @ehannasmitty

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2 months ago