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E L L E 𓋹𓆃

@ellechemize

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My biggest spiritual lesson has been learning to walk between two worlds.

You see growing up I was raised understanding telepathy, astral projection, working with spirits and that the government was corrupt and that Satanist ruled the world. This made it really hard to have friends everyone thought I was crazy.

Many years later I would go through a massive spirituality awakening that blasted me open to deeper truth of the universe. For a few months is was great but it was ungrounded, I was immediately lead by spirit into what we now know as shadow work. At the time I had no clue that was what it was called, but it made me realize how ungrounded the spiritual community was. So I never fit in there either.

Not to mention I grew up a half blood, have cree nation half white, I was too white for the brown folks and to brown for the white folks. I never really had a place in this world.

I was too woo for the health nuts, not woo enough for spiritual folks and its really taught me how to hold nuance, paradox, duality, and contrast. Funny enough now finally feels like my time to shine.

The world needs leaders who can hold both light and dark, who know how to walk between worlds. Most people aren't there yet and people like me will be leading the future. Seeing this world this way creates balance, I have always been a diplomatic mediator weaving polarities.

This triggers people because people want black and white but life is gray.

People are waking up and need embodied leaders who understand this principle.

I have spent the last 7 years embodying everything I have learnt being a world walker, I am a threshold keeper, someone who can hold it all. The world needs more of this.

You cannot have the light without holding the dark, you cannot ascend until you have decended. You cannot hold knowledge without embodiment, this is what I do. This is what makes me safe and capable of holding others. My lived experience, not some weekend course, not some training, not some piece of paper that says I am qualified, the creator itself has deemed me a leader.

More in the caption by @ellechemize

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8 months ago

The whole spiritual, healing, and wellness industry IS going to collapse, it was never meant to last forever, it was only here to wake you.

Its now become saturated and is full of regurgitation and there is no longer potency or meaning. The identity you have created around this spiritual or wellness imagine was never meant to be a full time identity. So it must die in order for you to really begin living life.

When an identity becomes too strong is pushes out Truth it pushes out the Divine, you aren't here to worship an identity, you are here to be a conduit for divine intelligence.

You are nothing more than a beacon or container in which the divine wants to express through constantly, and when identity becomes to large the mind kicks in and spirit can't flow. The mind makes meaning of everything, controls everything, thinks its in power.

You are at the mercy of the divine at all times, and if you continue to hold onto this identity you will suffocate and begin to suffer.

Where we are going, this identity has no purpose because it's lost all meaning. The next phase will be learning to let it all die, let it all go, so the TRUTH can actually emerge, that truth is the divine is in control and you must get out of the way. No more intellectualizing it, no more studying its mechanisms, the divine cannot be summerized it can only be felt and expressed. This is the new way. Are you ready to let go and actually live? by @ellechemize

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9 months ago

I host Ecstatic Dance (Shakti Flow) twice a month here in White Rock, join me and let your deepest expression come flowing out of you.

Let the power of Shakti move through you like a Serpent🐍🔥.

More information in the link in my description.

#dance #ecstaticdance #spirituality #Flow #Shakti #Shaktiflow #goddess #divinefeminine by @ellechemize

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4 years ago

Been finding a new love for my body, I have never felt more feminine, more womenly, more mature. I have spend the last 4 years missing my old body. She was beautiful but she was also a body created from survival, stress, drugs, just as much as she was created from fasting, vegan, working out, and being healthy.

Yes did my body expand a lot from chronic illness, 100% but it also expanded for protection, growth, healing, and expansion, as well so many things I don't care to over explain.

The point is I am done hating my body, I am enjoying her as she is, and if she changes I will love her too. I have spend the last 4 years never really taking photos because I hated her so much, I stopped wearing clothes that made me feel good, living mostly in underwear and sweat pants. Hoarding old clothes telling myself one day I'll fit these again, never shopping for anything new because I hated my new body, and was holding out for a skinnier version of me.

I feel like most women spend their whole lives hating their bodies, thinking they are fat when they aren't. I remember hating so many old photos of myself, thinking I can't post this I look horrible, I am fat, I am this, I am that. Never once was I fat or gross looking, I look back at those photos now and go what was I thinking!! Well I don't want this to be one of those times in history, I love the way I look and for once I am embracing the phase I am in fully.

I am a human woman, I have been through some shit and this body has gotten me through all of it. She is fcking magical and I am done hating her, done forcing her to be anything other then what she needs to be right now. I know as I begin to embody this new version of me she will shift and change but I am no longer in a rush for that to happen.

Everything in life right now is about me slowing down, and being here and now with my experience. Enjoying what it is now, not I'll be happy when, but instead I'll be happy now. This is when everything in life starts to get good.

Falling in love with myself all over again..... by @ellechemize

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15 days ago

Imma let the energy speak for itself.....😘🐦‍🔥🔥 by @ellechemize

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17 days ago

Who are u when ur not being needed?

Who are u when ur not being useful?

Who are u when ur not giving something?

Who are u when ur not chasing for more?

Who are u when ur not working harder?

Who are u when ur not pushing or grinding?

Who are u when ur not being productive?

Who are u when ur not creating something?

Who are u when u are just being, when u are just u, just existing? Do you even know?

What is ur worth, ur value, do you truly believe its inherent? Can you be okay being no one, having nothing, be nothing?

Ditching labels, the identities, the titles, the masks. Who are u without it all?

Can u still love that version? Can u accept that version? Can u even allow yourself to just be as u are, without needing to give, do, produce, try, have?

What does it look like to just exist as u are? I challenge u to just for 1 day, catch urself each time u are giving only to be loved or be useful or valued. Catch urself each time u put a mask on to be liked or understood. Catch urself each time u try to move or push towards a goal, plan, or vision.

I am not saying these things arent valuable or even necessary for the humans experience, because they are, they are one half of life. But everyone lives & breathes from this place only all day everyday. What would ur life look like if you actually stopped for a while, if u stopped trying to become, have, do all the things. Stopped trying to win love, attention, & approval from others.

I truly believe in order to be whole and know ur true self u need to experience the other half of the experience. How can u know the power of setting goals and chasing them if u are always looking to be chosen, have approval, love, attention, validation? True power I think is letting go of it all, only to understand the power of it all.

I think the conditioning is so deep this would drive most people into madness, deep psychological dispare, a crumbling of identity in a way no plant medicine, healing session, breathwork session, or whatever else could ever actually bring u. I am not saying live as nothing and no one forever, but just long enough to actually understand your worth is truly inherent. by @ellechemize

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a month ago

Who am I when I am not being needed by others?

This is a question I asked myself a couple weeks back and its stopped me dead in my tracks.

Who the fuck am I when I am not being useful?
Who am I when I am not helping, fixing, saving, having all the answers?

Earth shattering to say the least. My whole identity has been developed around this very thing. I was always the one in the family that was the emotional regulator, the one who had all the answers, the one who kept the peace, the one who kept everyone and everything functioning. This was my role, this was all I ever knew. I never had the mental or emotional space to discover who I was as a child, what my wants, needs, and desires were because all my focus and attention was on everyone else. The hardest part is if I didn't hold it all together, it would have honestly fallen apart. This was about the survival of me and my family, and in true old soul fashion I was the one placed into a family that needed me.

This carried into my adult years, always serving everyone else, holding things together for everyone else, always having the plan, the answers, the solution. Always holding everyone's problems and emotions taking them on as my own. Hell even made a business from this identity, because its all I have ever known. It was the only thing I was good at, because it was the only thing I was able to learn.

Now I am burn out, been burnt out, and my soul and body are saying no more. Its time to become who you really are, and so who am I when I am not being needed? Fucking soul crushing question, because I don't know. I have spent 36 years living for everyone else but myself.

Continue Below by @ellechemize

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a month ago

This journey is strange and complex and I dont think it ever wont be, I guess I can take comfort in that knowing. Knowing that the constant in life is this great unknown mystery to never be solved. I think we like to pretend we are in control, we tell ourselves we can manifest anything, create the life we want, if you just do x,y,z but its not that simple.

If we just heal a little more, control our thoughts and actions a little more, feel it all more, be with it all more. It's always about doing more. I just dont think it's that simple. Maybe that is just a "negative belief pattern" lol even just saying that grosses me out.

You know back in 2018 I contracted an "incurable" illness that I did in fact cure then went on to make a very successful business for years helping others. I did all the things everyone is just coming to awareness of now, mind set, somatics, detoxing, nervous-system work, shadow work, ALL the damn things. And it worked, until it didn't.

I coasted for for 5 years in this world of creating my own reality, of healing, connecting, remembering and life was magical in every way. Until it wasn't. Then life happened things that were completely out of my control, fire, loss, mold sickness, long covid, martial issues, abuse from a coach/teacher, shit community. All piled on top of me, and in that I was asked to let it all go. Let go of everything I knew about healing, spirituality, wellness, just life. I was asked to stop everything, and when I say asked I mean forced.

Every meditation became a chore, every meal plan and detox made things worse, every somatic tool didn't work, everything I once loved became a drag. Everything all a sudden became resistance, futile, never working, a dead end, the more I tried to grow, heal, fix, evolve, change I was met with a hard no, a full stop, a feeling of pushing a boulder up a hill. Nothing worked anymore, nothing made sense anymore, and for a while I really thought I deeply understood what was happening on a deeper level. Now...

Continue Below by @ellechemize

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a month ago

Its fun listening to the lyrics of this song and seeing how it lands to my movement, example

"Dont box her in" boom my whole body looks like its breaking free.

Or how guitar slap beat lands with each movement transition.

I dont know just a silly way I like to play and get creative

Also yes I am a gemini ♊️ by @ellechemize

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2 months ago

I never said fuck you because I knew I was creating it.

I never said fuck you because you were always my safe space.

I never said fuck you because you were learning.

I never said fuck you because everything else you did was right.

I never said fuck you because I loved you and words matter.

I never said fuck you because mistakes happen.

I never said fuck you because you couldn't actually see it.

I never said fuck you because I thought it was righteous of me.

I never said fuck you because I wanted to look like the better person.

I never said fuck you because I wanted to be the laid back wife.

I never said fuck you and I wish I did.

I never said fuck you and now my body has eaten the words.

I never said fuck you and the unexpressed rage burns in my veins like acid.

I never said fuck you and the grief from betrayal now rots my flesh.

I never said fuck you and now I am haunted by the ghost of what's left.

I never said fuck you and now our times together feels tainted from words unsaid.

I never said fuck you and now I am paying the price. by @ellechemize

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3 months ago

I have been having so much fun with Poi this is my second time ever touching them, I was lent this pair by a beautiful soul I met at flow jam.

For 16 years I have wanted to get into flow arts, but was too scared to be a beginner, to be new at something, to have the capacity to dedicate to something. I have that all in or nothing mentally that I have been trying to break, realizing that you can just play for play sake. That it's not that serious lol

I have tried Bo Staff, Hoop, Kali Sticks, and Poi so far, I am still looking for what speaks to me. I definitely want something that allows for me to dance and so far Poi allows that, but I have to be careful because I have smacked myself in the face pretty hard from getting cocky trying to dance while also still learning poi itself. One step at a time. Having fun that is all that matters.

My goal is to eventually involve fire with which ever I choose. I really want to get silk fans, fire fans, and start playing with those as well. Just wanted to share this new and exciting part of my self discovery. I really wish I started sooner its waaaay too much fun.

Love sharing with you guys all my crazy adventures, the new things I try, all the ways in which I am knocking things off my teenage list of dreams. YouTube, Van, Dance, Flow Arts, Singing. I may not be super consistent with these things, but I am doing them and finding which ones actually are here to stay.

Just get out there and try new things, I know for me when I am transitioning identities and evolving in life trying new things helps me solidify the new self. Helps me understand and integrate the transformation taking place within me.

Its all about the sacred return by @ellechemize

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3 months ago

Mirror work & Mast*rbation are Medicine

It's still crazy to me how much shame people carry around about these things, as if they aren't normal. Especially mast*rbation.

Truth is car living make both these hard if not impossible to do. The mirror is always the place I come when I need to meet myself, to truly see myself, to experience myself. When I am feeling insecure or disconnected from myself I always moved in the mirror, I seduce myself. This is been a practice for 30+ years for me. Even as a child I use to sit in front of mirror and gaze for hours, dance, move, and take in all that I am. As I got older romantic partners made me feel weird & insecure about it, asked who I was preforming for? Why I felt the need to be so self obsessed.

But it was never about that, it was about seeing myself in a different light. As women we have been taught to hate our bodies and compare ourselves and when I would spin out about how I looked I would go to the mirror and see what lies I was telling myself. Its been a few months since I have been around a mirror, and I have been feeling insecure about my body.

So this evening I took a hot bath, mast*rbated and decided to step into the "mirror". I say "mirror" because there isn't actually one here but our phones definitely do the trick.

Now masturbation, how many of you reading that were disgusted, judged me, got aroused, or maybe even felt seen? Why do we make it weird to talk about? Why not be honest. Mast*rbation is Medicine just as much as the Mirror. You slow down, you feel, you connect, you release, you pray. Mast*rbation without cornagraphic material is meditation, it's somatic, it's healing. The amount of oxytocin it produces for women is wild, and as women we NEED oxytocin to stay hormonally sound and regulated. To connection to Self in that way is to connect to the Source God itself.

I feel so relaxed, grounded, more confident, more myself, more connected, more alive in my body because of both mirror work & mast*rbation. These are tools, tools that allow you to be somatically in your body. So here is your permission to enjoy yourself, connected with the divine, be in your body and breathe. by @ellechemize

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3 months ago