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@hereinthemiddle

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Born intersex. Sometimes I am creative .
Gen Z 💖 A lover girl. A girls girl. Like other girls. + boy energy📌🇺🇦🇵🇸

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“The one who’s in love always wins. It doesn’t matter if you get your heart broken. You’re living. When you’re feeling, you’re alive. The sun doesn’t care whether the grass appreciates its rays, right? It just keeps on shining. That’s you.” - Ethan Hawke

Growing up on VoIP services - Skype, Teamspeak, Discord - I harbored an instant dislike for phone calls. When I was growing up, the quality of a traditional phone call was limited to a narrow band lying between 300-3400 Hz. On top of that, mobile handsets would add a layer of lossy compression, further degrading the experience of hearing someone on the other end. This did not prevent me from reaching for my home phone and dialing my second-grade best friend Blake’s home number whenever I was scared, home alone, and wanted to talk to someone.

After discovering VoIP (primarily Discord) I began avoiding phone calls. When I purchased my first cellphone and my hands got accustomed to texting on tiny keyboards, I’d rarely pick up a call. Truthfully, I also didn’t have many local friends and all the relationships I maintained seemed to be with people online. I communicated with my local friends only in person or over text. Looking back on it, there’s something so beautiful about suffering through a poor-quality call experience just to hear the voice of a loved one. I wasn’t like that.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, phone calls have steadily improved in quality, and the behind-the-scenes efforts from carriers and cellphone companies have made such progress that the quality rivals modern-day VoIP services.

Similarly to how I wasn’t aware of this work behind the curtain that improved my experiences, I’m also not aware of when I started making and accepting phone calls more regularly. Was it because of my climb up the corporate tech bro ladder and the need to make phone calls? Was it because some of my online friendships turned into in-person ones, and calling was the natural thing once the internet wasn’t where we lived? By then the quality no longer sounded the way it had when I was a kid. Only my subconscious was aware of the improvements.

Continued in comments. by @hereinthemiddle

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14 days ago

My first time ever going dancing, outside of wiggling my body at every concert, was a Stranger Themes dance night back when Season 3 had just released. Lovely Laura invited me and of course I said yes. I wasn’t sure what to expect and while nervous, a drink or two, and the company of a good friend, eased me into having a memorably good night.  

My second time going dancing I went completely alone. I had extended an invitation to someone. But in the way plans don’t always solidify, my friend didn’t join me. I didn’t want to waste the ticket, and I self-soothed into accepting that if I had a bad time, I could just leave. I hyped myself up and 10 seconds of courage later I walked out of my front door. Another burst of courage and I made it through security at the Echoplex for my first adventure of dancing alone. I distinctly remember standing there with my eyes locked on the DJ and refusing to make eye contact with anyone around me. Laughing to myself after the fact about how I stoically grey-rocked a stranger next to me who was clearly wanting to dance. I’m laughing now about how silly my behavior was in hindsight.   

The more I go out the more I appreciate the culture of a night out. You share these fleeting moments with strangers, some you’ll never see again. Others become familiar faces I don’t have names for but I’ll recognize them as attending the same various events I choose to around town.   

These are selected snaps from various stages of a night out. At pregames, at parties, after I’m home.   For a sad boi. I really am so full of love. I hope everyone around me feels it emanating off me. There’s no scarcity here.

Talk Down - Dijon 🔂 and 🔂 ☀️🌴 taken in Los Angeles, California by @hereinthemiddle

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4 months ago

More selected snaps from the rest of the film roll. Not pictured my borderline heatstroke from the dessert. by @hereinthemiddle

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7 months ago

Solo trip to see if
1. I had it in me again.
2. If Fernweh, the bike, could carry my full kit.
3. I wanted to see Death Valley after a failed attempt earlier, and before my national parks pass expired in a few months.
4. I bought a reusable film camera meant to mimic the disposable ones.

I didn’t see a single star in Death Valley (devastated.). 🏜️ Witnessed a human built oasis instead (an affront to all reason.)

Kodacolor 200 on the Kodak Snapic A1 by @hereinthemiddle

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7 months ago

Do you see the heart in the first picture? ❤️❤️❤️ by @hereinthemiddle

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8 months ago

All of us strangers
Patient on top of the hill
Watching the sky change

Connected but not
We share in this together
Silent forever by @hereinthemiddle

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9 months ago

November. Photos with some of the people I shared warmth with. Thank you hosting me. Thank you for visiting me. Thank you for traveling for me. Melancholy mood below. Don’t read if you’re sad.

My favorite warmest memory is sharing a bed or a couch together with the lights dim and offering stories to one another. Even the silence was comforting. The belly laughs. The crying. The final friend to leave, I hugged long and tight as the sun set over my cities skyline. I was and am so tired that my laughter turned into tears.

I can’t stop thinking about the last time that I’ll see someone. Every person I interacted with this month, it’s been a wriggling worm of a thought that wiggles its way in.

Curing any chance of FOMO by doing so much I want to stop and end my social calendar entirely. Can’t have FOMO if you’re genuinely tired. *pls keep inviting me tho*

If I don’t have pictures with you , I wish I did. 🖤 by @hereinthemiddle

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10 months ago

I’ve done a lot of driving across New England and the East Coast on this trip. Maine has been a siren song for a while.

New York was quite dreary - and outside of the Big Apple the feeling was quite different. Maine offered a spectacular sunset and the promised stretches of no billboards.

Just a few cities I’ve visited on this journey. NYC, Boston, Portland, Manchester, Cape Elizabeth, Philly… by @hereinthemiddle

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10 months ago

Potentially spoilers for Bugonia the film ,don’t read below
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They shaved off my hair so I can’t communicate anymore. Slathered my skin so I can’t receive transmission. Imagine what it’s like to be cut off from everyone like you. If not empathy, then sympathy. by @hereinthemiddle

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a year ago

My big nose supremacy. Part of my Bugonia inspired self portrait shoot. by @hereinthemiddle

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a year ago

Bugonia - glitter honey self portraits. by @hereinthemiddle

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a year ago

New Bike , New Problems. Happy November 1st. Did I react in a chill way ? Or too many F Bombs. by @hereinthemiddle

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a year ago