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Jay Pack

@itsjaypack

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SEEN — invisible struggle, in their words
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Samantha — SEEN

When I look back at my life, I can see so many different versions of myself. But more than anything, my story is about finding my way back to myself.

My struggles with mental health began when I was in high school. I was in my first serious relationship, which lasted about six years. At first, I thought I was in love. Over time, the relationship became extremely toxic, physically abusive, and frightening. Eventually, after a horrific ordeal, I found the strength to leave. I got out, but the effects of that relationship didn’t disappear when it ended. My mental health had changed, and I carried those wounds with me for years.

Eventually, I met my husband, Max, and life began to get better. I built a family that I loved more than anything. We had three incredible children, and I started my own business as an esthetician. From the outside, I had created a beautiful life, and it truly was beautiful, but underneath it all, I was still struggling.

My eating disorder had started quietly during that first relationship, but over the years it became more severe. Eventually, I became so sick that I couldn’t hide it anymore.

My family held an intervention, and I went to treatment. Recovery was not immediate or easy. I went to three different treatment centers, trying each time to get better and find my way back home to myself.

Then I had a seizure.

That was such a wake up call. I believe that seizure saved my life. It scared me, and it terrified my family who happened to witness it. For the first time, I truly understood that this illness could take everything from me. It could take away my children, my husband, my business, my future…my life. Something changed in me after that. I didn’t just want to survive anymore. I wanted to get better.

Today, I see my life differently. I don’t want to spend it simply existing or trying to be perfect. I want to be present. I want to watch my children grow up, grow old with my husband, continue doing work that I love, make memories, and experience all the beautiful, ordinary moments that I was so close to losing.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m okay. I’m HAPPY being me. by @itsjaypack

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a month ago

Scenes from a small-town Oklahoma rodeo. by @itsjaypack

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2 months ago

Weight of Grace.

A black and white editorial. by @itsjaypack

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a year ago

Kaylee, up close.

In the studio with Brink model and OKC Thunder dancer Kaylee. by @itsjaypack

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a day ago

Behind the scenes with Emalyn for @brinkmodels by @itsjaypack

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5 days ago

Emalyn in the studio for @brinkmodels by @itsjaypack

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9 days ago

35 mm film, light leaks, and Lucy McIntosh. by @itsjaypack

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12 days ago

A last minute creative call.
Emalyn answered.
Almost no experience in front of camera — but great instincts and open to direction.
Sometimes that’s all you need.
So many amazing photos from this spur of the moment unplanned shoot. by @itsjaypack

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13 days ago

From today at the loft. by @itsjaypack

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15 days ago

Allie Ayers.
From the archive. by @itsjaypack

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18 days ago

Kourtney Kellar Hartenstein, in violet.

Model: @kourtney_kellar
Makeup: @ljbeaute
Hair: @uhohdynamite
Styling: @gimie.style & @ljbeaute by @itsjaypack

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23 days ago

Lucerne, Switzerland.

#leica #35mm taken in Lucerne, Switzerland by @itsjaypack

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a month ago