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James Garside

@jamesgarside

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Embrace Everything: Support on your journey back to wholeness. Therapy in person in Kettering or online. Find out more or book a consultation 👇

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I became a therapist because I believe people aren’t broken - they’re often overloaded, feel unheard, or are stuck in unhelpful patterns they can’t seem to break.

Therapy can be a place to slow down enough to be able to witness what’s happening and find a more expansive, empowered, way forward - at your own pace. It’s a journey of coming back to who you really are.

I currently have some availability if anyone is considering starting. Drop me a DM or find out more at embrace-everything.com taken in Kettering, Northamptonshire, United Kingdom by @jamesgarside

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8 months ago

Healing truly begins when we can find a way to look beneath the surface of our struggles and tune into what they are really trying to tell us. As Gabor Maté says, trauma is not what happened to you; it’s what happened inside of you as a result of what happened to you.
Beyond the memory of the events themselves, we often, subconsciously, learned that parts of our being were not acceptable - we were not worthy of love, or we were too much, or that some part of our emotional expression was not welcome.

These ingrained beliefs play out across our lives as patterns of behaviour that limit our experience of the world and keep us from becoming all we could be. I help my clients bring these programs and patterns into conscious awareness so they can finally be integrated. In this way, healing is really a process of finding more peace and acceptance for who you truly are.

Integration Psychotherapy is a modality that draws upon insight from a breadth of psychological disciplines and therapeutic techniques, somatic and spiritual practices.
My approach centres around creating a space that feels safe enough for you to finally feel emotions that may have been suppressed for a long time. This can be a challenging process of moving through a lifetime of conditioning, which is why we will always go at your own pace and only as far as you feel you’re able to.

If you feel stuck, disconnected, or held back by old patterns, therapy can help you find clarity and movement again. It’s through embracing and finding acceptance for all parts of ourselves that we can return to a more expansive and grounded sense of self.
If you’re interested in working with me, I offer integration psychotherapy services in-person from my space in Kettering, Northants, as well as online over Zoom.

Drop me a DM to find out more, or visit embrace-everything.com
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#integrationpsychotherapy #psychotherapy #healingjourney #traumainformed #innerhealing #selfawareness #somatichealing #mindbodyconnection #selfacceptance #shadowwork #emotionalhealing #mentalwellbeing #selfcompassion #northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering taken in Kettering, Northamptonshire, United Kingdom by @jamesgarside

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a year ago

The above is an excerpt from my new eBook, the Path of Self-acceptance.

I’ve been a bit in hermit mode for the past couple of months. Unintentionally in some respects but, with hindsight, I realise it’s been a process of integrating some deep insights and realisations I had back in November - the central theme being an understanding of self-acceptance.

I have explored countless practices, teachings and healing modalities over the past decade and, while I have undoubtedly developed more depth and capacity to hold the complexity of my human experience, there were still parts of myself I just couldn’t seem to find relief for. I started to notice that, despite my best intentions, much of the work I was doing was still really an attempt to overcompensate for my perceived flaws.

Sadly, these wounded parts of ourselves don’t go away because we choose to pay attention else where. In fact, they get pushed into our unconscious and continue to control our lives through our inhibitions and compulsions. So I started to slow down and get curious about these insecurities and limiting beliefs that seem to be running the show and, what I realised was, it’s only if I judge myself that I can be affected by the judgments of others.

If someone tries to insult me, it only lands if I, on some level, agree with what they are saying. If someone has a dig about a trait I love in myself, I might think them rude but it won’t affect me. In which case, if I sat down to fully get to know and love all the vulnerable parts of myself, to the point where I won’t be affected by the judgments or rejection of others, that would mean there would literally be nothing to stop me doing whatever I authentically choose. And there’d be no need to run around chasing every new workshop and practice in an attempt to make me more spiritual, worthy, attractive...

This has been a major shift for me so I wanted to share the depth of these realisations with you. I’m giving this version of the book away for free while I continue building it into a bigger project. If it's of interest, you can download it now through the link in my bio 🙏 by @jamesgarside

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2 years ago

How much of an awkward silence can you tolerate before you fill it?

How much disobedience can you withstand from your kids before you snap?

How much sexual energy can you hold in your body before you need to release?

How long can you sit still without needing to do something?

How long can you keep your cool when someone else is getting angry?

Your ability to navigate these situations is dependent on your emotional capacity and your ability to regulate your emotions. And they will vary depending on what you’ve learned is unacceptable, or ‘allowed’, or based on your own exposure to similar situations in the past.

Regulation and capacity refer to the two key aspects at the core of all healing and emotional work.

Your capacity refers to the amount of emotional energy you’re able to hold in your system without trying to disperse it.

Your ability to regulate is how well you can steady yourself when the limit of your capacity is tested.

One feeds the other - the better you can regulate, the more you can tolerate the discomfort as you expand your capacity. The bigger your capacity, the fewer situations or emotional triggers will affect you.

The simplest way to regulate is learning to control your breath - focusing on deep breathing with long exhales when you’re trying to stay calm.

To build capacity, we can work to expand the amount of time we can tolerate in uncomfortable situations, but we can also work to dissect the triggers and ask why they are affecting us in the first place. In many cases it’s possible to change how I interpret the trigger and respond - to the point that I’m no longer affected in the same way.

If I’m not triggered, there’s no emotional discomfort. If there’s no discomfort, I remain at peace. The broader the range of situations I feel at peace in, the more of life I can enjoy without inhibition. The more I’m able to be myself. by @jamesgarside

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a month ago

It’s a weird quirk of perspective but it’s true that our perceived weaknesses can also be our greatest strengths.

The part that struggles to receive love is often the same part that makes sure everyone else feels appreciated.

The part that shies away from conflict is the part that doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

The part that felt we had to earn love is the part that helped us develop resilience and determination.

The wound that we can never quite heal is the thing that drives us deeper in our capacity to meet the pain of others.

The part that struggles to own up to a mistake can be the part that doesn’t want to let people down.

When we shame ourselves for what we see as a negative, that we’re unable to stop, we keep ourselves stuck in the pattern.

But finding genuine compassion, and appreciation, for the positive traits the wound has caused, can be enough to free us from the compulsion.

Sometimes, a simple change in how we see ourselves can be all that’s needed to free us from our suffering.

The situation hasn’t changed, but my experience of myself in the situation has.

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If you’re trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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a month ago

One of the most challenging parts of the healing or self-development journey is navigating the many traps that arise as a result of the difference between our outward expression and the inner driver of that expression. It’s a weird quirk which is sadly almost impossible to avoid because a person’s outward expression is all we’re able to see.

This affects our relationships in all sorts of ways but, today, we’re focusing on our own self-improvement. Maybe we want to appear more confident, have a successful career, or be comfortable chatting up beautiful strangers. Whatever we want, it’s natural that we seek to learn the specific steps and actions that people who have the success we aspire to, take.

Mimicking the actions of others can be a way of helping to orient ourselves in the right direction, but often this impulse is driven by a sense of lack, or a move away from fear, rather than genuine desire. I don’t feel content, or confident in my own judgement or ability, so I seek certainty from someone else.

In cases like this, if we gain some semblance of success through this process, it’s easy to continue using the tools we learned as a crutch - rather than as a signpost towards our own, deeper authenticity. We remain performative.

By contrast, true, authentic confidence arises naturally - as a result of doing the work to move beyond our self-judgement and limiting beliefs.

The deeper the level of genuine self-acceptance and security I reach, the more I will naturally be confident and at ease in any situation, and make decisions for myself. The safer and more worthy of love I feel , the less I have to prove to anyone.

The less I have to prove, the more I can choose to live the a life that’s authentic to who I truly am.

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If you’re trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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a month ago

Letting people walk their own path

I often think that the best approach we can bring into any of our relationships is to imagine that we are re-parenting each other.

A perfectly healed and healthy parent wouldn’t take it personally if their child was struggling to process their emotions cleanly and sometimes offloaded them onto us. We would love them unconditionally, help them feel safe, and also do our best to empower them and build their resilience to meet whatever challenges life brings their way. We would make them capable and self-sufficient to the point that they grow beyond needing us.

To do so would require as light a touch as necessary to keep them on track, while allowing them to fall and make mistakes - the places where we all learn, grow and build resilience.

Of course, there’s discernment needed here - we need a level of our own healing to make sure we don’t slip into self-abandonment. But the depth of healing and integration we reach within ourselves can often dramatically change the dynamic of our relationships irrespective of changes in the other.

It’s such an easy trap to fall into, thinking that we can see the answer that would solve someone’s situation and sort their life out, but we disempower people when we bypass the chance for them to make their own decisions. As I say, as light an influence as possible - just enough to help keep them safe and know we’re with them, is what I believe we should be aiming for.

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If you’re trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago

Integration therapy isn’t about helping you to feel better, or manage your emotions.

It’s about expanding your capacity to meet more of the full spectrum of life.

It’s about helping you express more of your authenticity without shame.

It’s about freeing yourself from taking the judgements and projections of others personally.

It’s about being able to make decisions moving towards genuine desire, rather than moving away from fear.

It’s about returning to the wholeness of who you truly are.

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If you’re trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy taken in Kettering, Northamptonshire, United Kingdom by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago

Unconscious beliefs reinforce themselves because they make us behave in a way that can encourage responses from people that confirm what we expect. The therapy room is not immune to this - it’s natural for a client’s programming to seek responses from me in the same way. It’s my job to catch whatever comes up and hold it gently - so we can get a clearer look and begin to imprint healthier responses. Let’s look at some examples.

Someone who felt let down as a child might keep turning up late, or misbehaving - unconsciously seeking to provoke a response and confirmation that people always judge them.

Someone who was badly hurt when they were vulnerable might now want to run away when things get too close - it’s my job to take things slow enough to create a sense of safety.

Someone who grew up feeling unimportant and unseen might tell captivating stories about other people as an unconscious way of avoiding the spotlight.

Someone who has never felt safe to feel their emotions might deflect and change direction any time we get close to something uncomfortable - reinforcing that emotions are to be avoided.

Someone who learned their worth is tied to their productivity might continually seek fixes and an action plan to move forward - we might need to teach their system to slow down enough to feel what’s been holding them back.

There’s no judgement and no right or wrong here. We don’t know what we don’t know, and more of our behaviour is unconsciously driven than we’d like to believe. Everything can be a potential doorway into deeper recognition and release so we use whatever comes up. Speaking these patterns out loud into the room gives us a better chance of staying the course when uncomfortable emotions naturally arise.

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If you're trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago

I genuinely believe this is a relationship super power if you can start to recognise this. It’s developing an ability to recognise the deeper cause behind someones actions - and responding to that instead of the outward expression. Let me give you some examples.

If someone is trying to control you, it’s because they don’t feel in control

If you’re in an argument and someone starts shouting, they don’t feel heard

If someone is trying to intimidate you, they feel intimidated

If your kid is throwing a tantrum in the supermarket and it makes you feel powerless, it’s because they feel powerless

We all naturally respond to the outward expression because it’s all that’s visible. But if we can catch a glimpse of the fear or anxiety behind it, we have a chance to respond very differently - encouraging connection and understanding instead of disconnection and conflict.

The dissonance between these outer expressions and the underlying causes are rooted in all of our unconscious programming - the places where we didn’t develop the ability to express our needs cleanly. They are unconscious and incredibly difficult to notice. In many ways, all we can really do is our best to help reparent each other by bringing gentle awareness and safety to meet the vulnerable parts underneath.

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If you’re trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago

One of the most challenging psychological blocks to navigate is when we find ourselves in a double bind - when we were punished for something that should have been a positive. These binds developed when we received two contradictory messages that we were unable to resolve. Often this leads to inhibition - when we’re unable to act authentically, for fear of the repercussions.

If I was scolded for telling the truth, maybe I lie about things when I fear the response.

If I was given permission to do something and then punished for it, maybe I suppress my own needs.

If I was shamed for showing affection, maybe I struggle to express my attraction.

If I was encouraged to speak up and then made to be quiet, maybe I avoid sharing my ideas.

If I learned ‘boys don’t cry’, maybe I can only access anger to express my pain.

Overcoming blocks like these is so challenging because we learned the behaviours to survive. Attempting to override them literally feels like death. To do so usually requires a safe environment where we can experiment without fear of repercussion - trying on alternative responses and shifting our perception of who we’re ‘allowed’ to be.

Can you think of any more examples of double binds? Let me know in the comments 👇

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If you're trying to change things in your own life and feel like you could do with some support, I have current availability for new therapy clients. Find out more and book an initial consultation at embrace-everything.com

#northantstherapist #onlinetherapyuk #kettering #selfacceptance #psychotherapy by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago

So much of the way the idea of abundance is usually discussed is around receiving - how can I align myself to receive more of what I desire. But that’s not what abundance is about.

The phrase normally used is to be overflowing with abundance - and the key is really in there but often overlooked. It’s really about our ability to give. If I want to live in a beautiful garden, it’s the care and effort I pour into the plants that is multiplied into what I receive in return. Nature always amplifies our creative energy - if I plant one tomato seed it can grow into a plant that will provide hundreds of fruits and thousands more seeds.

If I make beautiful chairs hand-carved from wood from a specific forest, my abundance is not how much I can sell them for. It’s my ability to tend to the woodland and support the workers whose care and attention will sustain my craft and elevate the quality of my product.

It may be very possible for me to achieve more short term gain by harvesting the whole woodland for minimal effort, but any extractive approach like this cannot be sustainable and will always eventually break the system. We’re experiencing the end game effects of this way of living coming thick and fast.

But it doesn’t have to be like this - if I want to live in a fun, creative, safe and connected community, the energy I put into supporting and elevating local businesses and projects will be amplified. I get to live in the town I help to create.

Every single action we take is both creative and destructive at the same time. I try not to get hung up on right or wrong because that argument doesn’t move things forward. It’s much more effective to audit our choices and consider if they are sustaining and empowering life, or if they are extractive and destructive.

Our modern systems are so complex, it makes it incredibly difficult to fully comprehend the impact of our choices - the businesses we choose to support, how they treat their workers, or their impact on the environment. There’s no perfection here, it’s a process towards being as conscious as we can - slowing down and being more intentional in what we consume, and how we can create more abundance around us. by @jamesgarside

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2 months ago