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Joe Elgar

@joeelgar

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Hey dad,
It’s 12:49PM. This marks exactly one week since you’ve passed. Watching you take your last breath was the hardest thing I’ve seen, experienced and I think about it every day…multiple times a day. I cry a lot and nothing stops me from crying so I let it out wherever I am.
It’s been a tough week for all of us. However, being surrounded by our friends and family has helped a lot. Getting messages from friends, texts, hugs and being busy helps a lot.
I feel kind of guilty just carrying on without you. This week I’m working all week and I feel bad, like you didn’t pass away and I’m just working. When something makes me smile or laugh I feel bad, because it feels like I forgot about you. I haven’t forgotten about you. I carry around the crystal and cross they gave us to hold your hand with one last time and I carry it in my pocket.
Words can’t describe how sorry I am for missing your calls 2 days before you passed. I tried calling you back and texting you but you didn’t answer. That was the last thing I remember and I feel so bad, I wonder what you wanted to tell me or say. It literally kills me because I would love to hear your voice one more time or just hear what you wanted to say. I still can still hear your voice saying,” I remember the day when you were born, my first born son. I was so happy”
Simple everyday things make me cry. I was getting the car packed and I felt the cold wind blow and I closed my eyes and I heard birds and bugs flying and I started crying. It reminded me of when we would fish for 12 hours and the breeze and sounds were familiar. I cried washing my hair last night because that was the last time my hair touched your face when you passed and I didn’t want to wash it away.
I miss you so much dad…we all do. You’re not in pain anymore and I hope you’re resting great up there.
Here’s an old great voicemail from you.

Your oldest son,
Nono by @joeelgar

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2 years ago

Rest easy dad, we love you so much.

Info for friends and family that would like to join.

This song always reminds me of you ( yes and the movie Ghost 👻). This was one of your go to’s when you sang karaoke and would say it was dedicated to mom☺️☺️

Flyer designed by: @_passion_fruit_ by @joeelgar

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2 years ago

Throughout my childhood days and even into my adult ones I would have nightmares of you or mom dying. Real talk, I actually had a nightmare last year, I woke up literally crying and hyperventilating because I had a nightmare that you passed away. It was so vivid I felt like I was really there. It felt so real, I saw your face and you were not doing well, you were alone in the hospital and I couldn’t do anything in my dream to save you. I only woke up because I felt tears from crying so much.

Yesterday, on 8/19 12:49PM my nightmare came true. It felt the same as my dream I was crying, I couldn’t breathe, I felt so helpless, you were in a hospital…however, you were not alone. You were surrounded all of your loved ones. We held your hands, we told you stories, we talked to you, we kissed and hugged you , we cried a lot, and we wished you no more pain. I know you could hear us but couldn’t speak, but we knew you were listening. We saw you take your last breaths, we all looked at each other crying, and you were gone.

Dad, I have so many memories of you, I remember the great times and not so great times. But I’m gonna list the dopest of times.

Continued in comments. by @joeelgar

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2 years ago

Happy 6th birthday Kai Kai.

We are so incredibly fortunate to have you in our lives. Getting to watch you grow, learn new things every day, say the funniest things, figure out the world around you, make your own decisions, and become more and more yourself is one of the greatest gifts we could ever ask for.

And I know not every day is happy or easy. There are stressful days. There are moments when it’s hard for us to communicate. There are times when I don’t choose the right words or make the right decisions, and I go to bed wondering if I messed up as a dad. Sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and five steps back. Mama is good at it and I’m always learning to be better.

But being your dad has changed the way I look at life.

Sometimes, when you’re asleep next to Mama, I just look at the two of you in awe. I still can’t believe I get to love you both. I don’t know what I did to deserve this life with you two, but I will never stop being grateful for it.

Right now, you think Mama and Dada will always be the same age we are today. That somehow, when you get older, we’ll still be exactly like this.

But we won’t.

So I try to remember everything.

The sound of your little voice. The way you pronounce certain words. The funny things you say that make absolutely no sense but somehow make us laugh until our stomachs hurt, or say things that are so funny I feel like I got burned by my 6 year old lol.

I try to remember the toys scattered all over the floor. Your random singing and your toys “battling” each other. The paintings and drawings covering the table. The crumbs everywhere five minutes after we just cleaned.

I try to remember your little hand reaching for ours.

The random cuddles and kisses you give Mama and me. The way you still want to be close to us.

The way you need us right now.

Because I know there will come a day when the toys aren’t on the floor anymore. The table won’t be covered in drawings. Your little hand won’t automatically reach for ours. by @joeelgar

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2 months ago

Meet the TRYBE:
This series is a celebration of the people behind the work...the personalities, energy, creativity, hustle and heart that make every production something special.
The collaborators, problem-solvers, fixers, makers and all around legends we are lucky to work with.
Great work only happens when great people come together.
FEAT: @joeelgar
VIDEO: @mansionlife by @joeelgar

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5 months ago

Before the night ends I want to wish you a happy 70th birthday mama. So crazy to think you’re 70 years old now. I remember when you were turning 43 and I was in high school. Now I’m 43 and it’s so crazy how time has passed us by.
I can’t thank you enough. You’ve always been there no matter what and I’m very fortunate to have you in my life the last 43 years. Jay, Marijoe and I are so fortunate to have you as our mom. There are literally no words I can express for how thankful I am for you. You’re literally always there when we need you, without a thought or pause you’re there for us and I can’t thank you enough.
I love you mama. I know I’m not the favorite anymore lol. You know I was the favorite right @mjfasho and @_passion_fruit_ lol. I’ve been surpassed by the greatest person ever…Kai lol.
I love the first photo of us though mama, how much love and joy you have on your face. I love seeing that same joy and happiness when you held Kai for the first time ( that 2nd photo). I truly love seeing you guys together and it makes me smile ( even though you spoil him so much😂😂😂. (It’s ok Jamie and I have to reprogram him hahahahah)
Love you mama @malyn.passion happy birthday. by @joeelgar

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5 months ago

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5 months ago

Happy Birthday Tatay! Cheers to the coolest, funniest, suave, most charming, and coolest dressed grandpa. Dude is such a big freakin' flirt. LOL Mommy will give you more money and scratchers this weekend. I love you! ♥️ by @joeelgar

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9 months ago

Happiest heavenly birthday, Nanay ❤️
I love and miss you so much. by @joeelgar

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9 months ago

Happy Heavenly Birthday Nanay! Thank you for helping raise us while Mom and Dad worked. I miss your your smile, your laugh, the smell kisses, the sound of your sewing machine, the sweet smell of your desserts, you getting mad at Tatay, you wanting to go to the casino, and just being able to hold you and hug you! I love you and miss you so much Nanay! ♥️🥺🎂 by @joeelgar

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9 months ago

Happy birthday little brother. Dude, I can’t believe you’re 40 now. Where the hell has time gone?

I remember broke your arms and legs when we were young lol. I also did that to @mjfasho HAHAHAHAHHA! When dad was tickling you guys I thought it was ok to pull on your limbs and I didn’t know I was so strong and popped them out of their sockets LOLOLOLOLOL!

Also, remember the ghost that knocked on the bathroom door when we were younger? I think I was 9 and you were 6. The three set of knocks and the 4th one we got out of the tub and we saw the black shadow figure and I slammed the door and you screamed at the top of your lungs lol. With that scream I was like he’s gay LOL.

Man, there’s so many memories with you and Marijoe. So many great core memories of mom and dad taking us to all these family trips, just us hanging out on summer break, eating lots of junk food and playing video games, watching ABC Saturday cartoons, and just being kids and not having any worries in the world.

Look at us now, all adults, with careers, kinda mature (not really lol) that are still childish haha. We love you so much. Thanks for being a great guncle to Kai. He loves you hella. Love you and we hope you have a great birthday. Hope you love the song hahaha by @joeelgar

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10 months ago

Happy Birthday Nono @joeelgar 🎉 I love you and can't wait to see you guys later this month. Thanks for being there big brother and for being Izzy's babysitter! Eat yummy food for us! by @joeelgar

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10 months ago