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Julia Willinger Therapy LMFT

@juliawillingertherapy

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Internal Family Systems • Mindfulness • Creativity • Spirituality • Support to find your most authentic self through transitions + awakenings

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a year ago

For the broken-hearted, grieving, and those still processing an ending - we got you. Join @kaylaadina and I over the new few months for this breakup process group. Whatever you are in your journey, this is a safe space to get support with your breakup. by @juliawillingertherapy

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8 months ago

New @substack post inspired by this #eliewiesel quote. Here is an excerpt from my post.

Wanting to know is often driven by a desire to feel safe, as uncertainty and the unknown can feel daunting. This may be why we are living in a time when people grip tightly to authority and righteousness within their ideologies. To live in the questions and to be open to the possibility of being wrong is to choose unstable ground.

Pema Chödrön, the Buddhist monk, writes often about this terrain. “A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty.” Here, she names the paradox: not knowing is the only thing we truly know, yet we cling to certainty in an attempt to avoid suffering. She goes on to say that freedom comes from “…staying with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with feelings of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge…” and that this is “the path of true awakening.”

Last week, at Insight Los Angeles’ weekly community sit, Buddhist teacher Nico Cary offered the idea of answering every question with love. Perhaps some questions are ultimately unanswerable, and the unknown is all we ever truly know. Still, the suggestion that love sits behind everything feels like an answer I can stand with.

Love may be what divides us as much as what brings us together. When I begin to let it be my response to every question, I can stay present with what feels challenging, both in myself and in others. As the new year approaches, perhaps the intention is to return to the heart and meet even the hardest questions with love. I cannot think of anything more of a remedy for solitude than love, and I believe Wiesel would agree. by @juliawillingertherapy

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10 months ago

Our hearts break for the trauma inflicted on our community. While we fight for justice, we also fight for healing.

Free therapy sessions available for all directly impacted by the ICE raids and harm experienced at protests. No one should face this alone 🦋

Link to available therapists in bio

**Reposting with an edit: from riots to protests taken in Los Angeles, California by @juliawillingertherapy

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a year ago

Making plans can be a good distraction, but what we need is usually very simple and yet very important. The ever-changing tides of life and the fact that it will eventually end are starting to wake me up to the freedom of living however I want. My answer to the inquiry is that I really only need love—and to give love. Having a job, a partner, family, and friends makes being alive that much shinier and more of a blessing.

“Resist the loss of the miraculous by lowering your standards for what constitutes a miracle. It is all a fucking miracle.”
(Erdrich) by @juliawillingertherapy

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a year ago

Tomorrow I have a new substack coming out about feeling your feelings. When clients come into my office and discuss what is challenging for them, I can see the fear in their eyes when talking about their own feelings. It’s wild how scary it can feel to be with our inner world and discomfort. Our sensations in our bodies can feel as though they are in control of us; sometimes, it can seem like they come out of nowhere. They are often uncomfortable and confusing. I see clients and friends trying to make sense of their feelings—wanting them gone, not understanding them, and feeling angry about why they are there. I’m not alone in blaming myself for the suffering, thinking it’s my fault, and believing that if I just problem-solve or change what I’m doing, I wouldn’t be experiencing these difficult emotions or sensations.

Since life involves uncertainty, anxiety often arises and tells us we need to figure out how to find safety. Read my substack tomorrow to find out how to actually feel your feelings, and why we should be with our pain instead of avoiding it.
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#anxiety #pain #therapy #psychotherapy #buddhism #feelings #feelyourfeelings by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

Inquiry for this weekend, how to define yourself? Today, I’m liking this response of walking out the door. How about you? by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

When searching for what is uniquely yours, as mentioned in this quote, how can one find it during this time? It feels more important than ever to discover what makes you unique and human amidst the presence of AI and dehumanization at every turn. Yet, this search is vital for you to become your true self. Do you experience aspects of yourself that you recognize as your truth? Your wise self? The part that leads to expansion and excitement? Even when we acknowledge parts of ourselves that convey our truth, other parts and voices filled with fear can overshadow our wisdom. External voices can further complicate the clarity of our truths. At times, our fear can possess wisdom too, which is why confusion arises. Recently, I have been trying to discern what is blocking my courage out of fear and what is solely mine. I have struggled in the past to understand whether my anxiety should be taken at face value or questioned. As a therapist and someone who analyzes and interprets, I find it difficult to accept things at face value; I have often approached this aspect of myself from many angles—perhaps too many. My anxiety has made it challenging for me to take action; instead, it has left me feeling frozen and lost. It can disconnect me from my body and sense of clarity. I noticed that when I experienced any relief from these creeping feelings, the sense of relief was so profound that I clung to whatever emerged in those moments. I would think, “This feeling must be the one to follow,” even though my anxiety would suggest otherwise. As I seek to identify what is uniquely mine to pursue and help others do the same, I concentrate on a courageous act I can undertake today, one that aligns with my own integrity. I recognize that my integrity may differ from yours. It is something I can feel in my body and that I am learning to trust over time. It feels clean, honest, and scary, not confusing, and ultimately, it sets me free. Sometimes, my anxiety propels me to act, and in those moments, I find gratitude for it. That is when I can recognize the gift and wisdom within my anxiety. Perhaps that is what is uniquely mine to embrace. by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

How well have I lived? How well have I loved? How well have I learned to let go? @jack_kornfield asks these inquiries of your future self, yet if we apply them to the present, what comes up for you? by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

In our first communication, connection and conflict workshop, @juliawillingertherapy @powerthroughprocess and I covered early attachment, getting relational needs met, and laid the foundations for an understanding of how/why we show up the way we do in relationships. We also touched on boundaries and taught a few relational communication tools that we’ll dive deeper into in part 2.

Join us on Zoom for part 2 of our embodied connection: communication and conflict workshop on August 12th from 6-9pm. In part 2 we’ll practice relating to others in new and more productive ways, learn concrete skills from various therapeutic modalities (DBT, NVC, Gottman, IMAGO and more) and put those skills into action with worksheets and one-on-one practice in breakout rooms. Part 2 will be much more interactive than part 1, and comes with access to the recording of part 1 so you can catch up on what you missed!

Part 2 is $100 whether you come alone or join with a partner, sibling, roommate or friend!

DM me or email julia@juliawillinger.com for more details. by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

Rev tells us that one part of reclaiming our lives is facing the ways in which we’ve given them up. What experiences in your life - whose dreams or wishes, have you allowed to take over your existence? People spend most of their time unconsciously living out others dreams. I recently wrote a substack around the fantasies in the lives and choices we are not living. When we notice these fantasies or the life we are living that is the dreams of our parents, or of societal expectations, then we see what we do and what we can do. What of this life is mine? We make sense of it - then lean into the deep sense to reclaim life of our own. We reclaim by taking stock of what of this life we are living is our own? What of our lives is truly because of the unfulfilled lives of others, the expectations of others and hold overs of others peoples lives and over lifetimes, she asks. We want parents to be happy and proud - all of those remain true. We still make compromises on the fullness of our lives and take responsibility of our own life as adults. Ask yourself where are you living someone else’s ideas or someone else’s fantasy or relationships where you are making yourself small because of space someone else won’t take up or way they are crowding yours? To return is to reclaim our lives and the fullness and the uniqueness of this singular profound expression of the universe that is you. As I find myself more and more, and peel back my own layers, I can see where the disappointments of others lives who I love dearly have also affected me. I want to pick a path for them through myself that heals things for my family and lineage by breaking the mold. I feel that pressure and want to keep that in mind when considering what is true for my unique expression. When I think of what will help me return and reclaim my fullness, I remind myself that those around me usually have a bias no matter how conscious they are and it is usually from them wanting me to be safe and happy. Knowing this, I can tap into their support and create distance from their fantasy or ideas, while checking back into my way in navigating my fulfilled life and potential. by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago

What I find helpful about this quote is the sense of hope it conveys; hope for a different future and the belief that love can be the foundation from which we operate as human beings. It seems that every year, the world becomes increasingly dark. The level of dehumanization and fragmentation escalates. With the rise of social media use and decreased in-person social interactions, along with conflicts such as war and politics, it is easy to lose sight of the humanity behind the words or faces of others. Our default mode is often self-criticism or judgment of others, why should we strive to change this pattern? If you believe it is our birthright to lead a
life filled with love and peace, if being present in reality and recognizing our humanity is crucial, then it is worth making the effort. I believe the journey of treating others with kindness begins from within. Often we find it easier to be kind towards others, and yet I wonder, is the source of that kindness coming from self-respect? From loving others more? From a desire of not wanting to be rejected? From values driven into our young brains as children? By
filling our own cup with love, we are able to pour that love into the world from a more pure and abundant place. This concept also leads us to the idea of interdependence, as Taylor hints at. When we can break free from feelings of unworthiness and recognize our interconnectedness with all beings, we naturally want to treat others well. Hopefully, this can reflect back on us. So, how do we lay the groundwork for this
transformation? It starts with cultivating awareness and gaining insight. By examining when we are self-critical and when we are kind to ourselves, by questioning the origins of our self-talk during moments of suffering, and by tuning into our bodily sensations during
different experiences, we can begin to make positive changes in how we treat ourselves and others. We bring more awareness to the parts of ourselves that have innate understanding towards our goodness,
accepting our humanity, our pain, and stepping out of the survival brain that clouds our judgement in order to see clearly our full potential. by @juliawillingertherapy

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2 years ago