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Laney Mead

@laneymead

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What no one else knew about that summer, not even the residents on Short Lane where Blackbirds sat neatly in the middle, was that behind the leaded glass windows was a house full of secrets. Blackbirds was an old red brick cottage that once belonged to the farm whose land had long since been sold to a developer. The farm house and out buildings had been demolished and now the only remaining farm cottage stood in the middle of a brand new housing estate. The fields that once hummed with the sound of insects clicking, was now detached houses with driveways and gardens. Car engines revved while children shouted and played late on a summer's evening. Blackbirds was set back from the other houses, separated from the path by a long drive with a rusting white gate that hung at an angle from its post. From the bottom of the drive you could just make out the dark windows; their glass panes fragmented in the sun alongside the faded green door with peeling paint. High unkept hedges whispered as birds busied themselves building nests and raising young, creating an atmosphere that seemed celestial; which further added to alienate it with its more modern neighbours. A 'For Sale' board leant awkwardly over the encroaching bramble drive; nettles and wild flowers competing for attention along the scruffy borders. It had been there for as long as anyone could remember. The estate agents sign, once embellished in bright blue and yellow was now weathered and almost translucent. The local children dared each other to run up the drive and knock on the door when they passed. They called it the 'haunted house'. But, no one saw the faces behind the leaded glass windows. @curtisbrowncreative #CBCSummerStory2026 by @laneymead
4
a month ago
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It wasn’t presents that Santa had left under the tree. It was a warning. The family at number 48 were just unfortunate that Santa chose their house. "I’m too old for this," he muttered to himself. "I work all year, managing the workshop and those annoyingly cheerful elves. I have to keep the lists of who's been naughty and nice. Then there are the reindeer: Feed buckets to fill, stables to muck out and not an elf in sight when that job needs doing! The training, the grooming, the flight plans. Someone has to file those. All that endless paperwork for the CVLA (Christmas Vehicle Licensing Agency) so we can fly on Christmas Eve. Pages and pages of boxes to tick," he fumed. "Everybody leaves out cheap whisky, not even the good stuff," he mumbled, "and there are always a couple of mince pies. The wife says it’s rude to leave them and then she spends the rest of the year moaning about my weight!" He spread out his hands, shrugged his shoulders and groaned. "I do all of that yet no one…NO ONE… bothers to check the toilet! No one thinks that I might need to use the bathroom! Where do they think I go? It’s a long shift! Just once I would like to come into a home and find that the toilet has been left with a full roll. One single time, that is all I ask, instead I am met with the cardboard tube. Every. Single. Year." He sighed and looked down at his bare knees. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief, a piece of scrap paper and a pencil stub. ‘SOMEONE NEEDS TO CHANGE THE TOILET ROLL!’ he wrote ‘BEWARE OF THE BATHROOM BIN!’ Entry for flash fiction @curtisbrowncreative #CBCWinterStory25 by @laneymead
2
10 months ago
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So, that day when you are up early because you a) didn't sleep anyway and b) because today is hospital day 😬 and you are sipping your water and trying to pretend today is a normal day and although you tried to be quiet so himself didn't get up at stupid o'clock too he did (bless 😊) and then Freddy Bear, the retired feral (seen in photo with his new partner in crime) comes charging through the cat flap with a live mouse for breakfast so you tell himself that his time to be in charge starts today and himself asks what he is supposed to do so you say, 'grab cat, get cat and mouse out of door, don't let mouse escape, don't let dog get mouse or else mouse gets soggy and you don't want to fish that out of mouth at stupid o'clock '. So, himself doesn't move very quickly, dogs follow cat, cat runs around downstairs with mouse dangling, girlie cats, and me, watch the drama unfold, himself comes back to kitchen without cat or mouse but with two dogs who look expectantly as himself always feeds them when they beg so they are expecting a mousey morsel before breakfast, himself sits down. Where is cat? Where is mouse? I ask. Behind sofa, mousey is now dead 😥 cat having breakfast. You will need to clean up 'the stomach ' I say as cat doesn't eat that bit...... Himself goes green. It's going to be a long recovery!! by @laneymead
3
3 years ago
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Betts, I said, stop laughing it's not funny. It is, said Betts, I had nothing to do with this. Neither did I, said Brucey, it wasn't my fault. No Brucey, I said, it wasn't your fault at all. But he finished it, said Betts, quite proud of my little bro, himself called him Rocky. My ear is a bit sore now, said Brucey, you sure you have to get some special stuff (colloidal silver) to put on it? Will it sting? Brucey, I said, you are obviously a very brave boy, that big black Labrador we have met before and he isn't very nice and you did finish that big fight. Himself stopped it really, said Betts, but my bro Brucey wasn't taken no sh*t from that brute. Betty!!! Mouth!!! I said. Sorry, said Betts, but I'm a proud big sister today. That boy (the big brute Labrador with his 'bits') was even on a lead and he dragged his lady until he broke free and even me and Brucey were on leads, it shouldn't have happened, he is a big bad boy and his mum (the other dog) wasn't much better growling at me because I was sticking up for Brucey. I know Betts, I said but you stood by me whilst himself got Brucey back. Do I get extra gravy bones? Asked Brucey. You do Brucey, I said, right after we clean that nasty wound. You are my bravest boy. And I'm not a Labradork Betts? Asked Brucey. Not today bro, said Betts, today you are Rocky the Labrachamp. by @laneymead
5
3 years ago
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So, I said, let's talk about what just happened. Ok, said Betts, but will you still throw my ball? Yes, I said, I don't think it was you that pushed me over Betts, was it? Nope, not me, said Betts, I think I was the one that was underneath you about which might have helped to slow down your descent. I think it might have Betts, I said, but I still hit the concrete very hard on my elbow and my bottom. It's well padded, said Brucey. I think, Mr Bruce, I said, that you should not be so flippant in this instance. Maybe you should have put your big swollen hand underneath you when you were flying through the air, said Betts, that way you wouldn't be hurt at all. I didn't do the swollen hand, said Brucey. No Brucey, I said, that was a nasty bitey gnat on our walk up in the woods yesterday and I am quite reactive to bitey bugs so now my hand is so swollen that I can't wear my wedding ring or watch and one of the reasons we decided to come to himselfs unit for a run instead but you got so excited when you got out of the car, by jumping over all the seats and crashing out of my front passenger door, that you then ran around like a delinquent Labratwat and knocked me over. I'm sorry, said Brucey, really sorry. Well, I suppose you did find the lost ball when Betts got really silly in the muddy field and forgot to look properly for it, I said. I didn't lose it, said Betts, I thought Labradork would get back into your good books if it looked like he found it. Oh, right, I said....now who wants to rub bruise ointment on my bottom? Betts ..... Brucey..... Where are you? by @laneymead
0
3 years ago
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🎶We love mud and we love balls, We love dead mice in the halls, We love puddles and fox poo, We love toys old and new, Every day is full of fun, Happy New Year everyone 🎶...sang Betts and Brucey, Brucey, I said, what are you looking at? You said we are saying goodbye to the old year, I'm looking for the new one, said Brucey. Labradork, said Betts, you can't see it coming. Well how do you know it's a new one then? Asked Brucey. You don't Brucey, I said, it's a time for celebrating and making new plans. Do you have any new plans Brucey? Being bigger than Betts and faster, said Brucey. Labratwat, said Betts, you can't catch me. Well I just got the ball first, said Brucey. Didn't..... said Betts.... Did so ... said Brucey.... Labradork, said Betts .... Labratwatty, said Brucey.... Happy New Year from our house to yours.....knock it off you two we have sprouts to peel for later. Oooo fart tennis, said Betts and Brucey!! by @laneymead
9
3 years ago
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by @laneymead
2
3 years ago
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Hellooooooo, they moo'ed, you bring Betts and Brucey with you? They asked. No, not today, I said, they are at home because me and himself are using the chainsaw to cut the huge fallen trees by his unit and it's a little dangerous with those two about. Yes, said Little White Nose, I imagine they would try and help, especially that Brucey he just loves to try and help. Yes, I said, that he does, but today he is at home drying off after yet another bath because he got covered in foxy poo again this morning. Did he jump on Betts? Asked Little White Nose (who I think was the ring leader of the group, definitely the bravest). Oh yes, I sighed, he did jump on Betts and get foxy poo all down her back, I wasn't very happy with him. Could be worse, said Splodge (at the back on the right), he could be in charge of the chainsaw. Thank you for letting me take your photo, I said, as soon as I saw you I knew that Evie Gullis would like to see you, she works with your cousins over near where girlie lives. We doooooooooo, they all said at once, she is totally devoted to bovine care. You do know about a lot of people, I said. Mooboooook, they said, it's how we know that Betts and Brucey are Labratwats! Oh, I said 😳 by @laneymead
0
3 years ago
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Bruce, I asked, what are you doing? Checking Betts teeth, said Brucey, I've decided that when I grow up I'm going to be a dentist. Oh, I said, does Betts have bad teeth? No, said Brucey, they are very shiny but I think I can see a bit of gravy bone biscuit between her back teeth. Offmhu@*-!gkg, said Betts. Lie still, said Brucey, or I will have to pull your tongue. I don't think that dental surgery requires that Brucey, I said. But she won't stay still and I want that bit of biscuit, said Brucey. Betts pushed Brucey off her and said, that's my biscuit, Labradork, I'm saving it for later. I'm bored of being a dentist, said Brucey, let's play doctors, you be the patient Betts. What do I need checking at the doctor's? Asked Betts. Your tongue, said Brucey, I think it's too long for your mouth. Labradork, said Betts, I'm not falling for that, how about we play hide and seek? I'll count to 100 gravy bones and then come and find you. Game on, shouted Brucey and dashed off to hide. Betts, I said, I thought you could only count to 20? Labradork doesn't know that, said Betts, now what's on the shouty box.... by @laneymead
0
3 years ago
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You are very kind keeping me company you three, I said, did you enjoy your walk with himself this morning? Betts wouldn't come down the stairs, said Bruce, we were waiting ages us men folk. Men folk.... I raised an eyebrow. I stayed with you, said Betts, I'm loyal. You are Betty Boo', I said but you do need to be loyal to himself too, I'm glad after 10 mins of shouting he finally came upstairs to see if you wanted to go and once you saw him in his muddy boots upstairs you forgot about me, but that's a good thing you wanted to go. His boots were rather muddy, said Betts, you haven't been downstairs yet there are bits everywhere on the carpet. Good job we need a new carpet Betts, I said winking at her in a knowing way. I didn't roll in foxy poo, said Brucey, I was good. You were Brucey, you were a good boy for himself. Now Miss 'Mudge do you think you can shift up a bit? I don't want to criticise another woman's weight but a run with Betts and Brucey might help? I'm quite fine Facebookers, I will be up as normal tomorrow as I'm a terrible patient and the only reason I'm still here under the duvet is Miss 'Mudge is a little heavy and himself has been bringing me tea and ibruprofen all day, there's no way he will maintain the enthusiasm for two days 🤣 but I have enjoyed watching our resident woodpecker on the CCTV cameras, never had them before, they are brilliant for a bit of twitching 🤣 by @laneymead
0
3 years ago
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Brucey, I said, what is so wrong? Everything, sighed Brucey, just EVERYTHING....... Oh dear, I said, whatever can I do? He just wants some of himselfs toast, said Betts from her bed in the corner. But didn't himself say he would give you a taste when he has finished, I have to agree with himself because it has taken long enough to train him how to behave with you both at the table, I said. That's the problem, sighed Brucey, he always gave me a taste when I climbed up the table and rested my paws on his arm. See, said Betts, still on her bed pretending she is perfect in every way like Mary Poppins, your problem, bro, she continued, is that you are not as little as you were so you have to change tactics, what you got away with when you were cute...... I'm not cute anymore? Said Brucey. You are cute, I said, but in a more manly dog way, what Betts is trying to say is you need to learn.... ....And sit next to himself whilst giving him the 'I'm really hungry and you have the best toast ever' look....watch, she said and proceeded to stare lovingly at himself. Himself, turned to Betts and said 'you really are a good girl Miss Betty Boo'. He then gave her some toast. See, said Betts licking her lips, it's easy, he is a push over. I like my way, whined Brucey, I get it before he finishes so I might get two pieces. Yes, but, said Betts, then herself moans at himself and says she will put a stop to tidbits from the table. You have to play the system, bro. Suppose your right, said Brucey, but just one more try of putting my paws up on the table and tapping himselfs arm..... Ps don't go by the clock on the cooker, we had a power cut yesterday and haven't reset it!! by @laneymead
0
3 years ago
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BRUCEY!!!! Himself yelled.... Meanwhile, Betts and I are sniggering because himself is wretching. That was a MASSIVE pile of sh*t, said himself between gulping fresh air like a goldfish on steroids, he just threw himself in it!! Himself exclaimed. Was really good, said Brucey, best pile of horsey poo EVER!! GO LABRA-BRO GO.... sniggered Betts. by @laneymead
1
3 years ago
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