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Lerato “Larry” Maleswena

@leratodmales

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✨ a lover, a thinker and a free spirit.
📍 joburg | cape town
👩🏽‍💻 @20across
🤫 @offtherecordsa_podcast

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💛✨ by @leratodmales

We’ve been building.

A new home for exceptional people and a clearer expression of the work around them.

20 Across represents people across food, entertainment, media and technology. We shape considered careers, build meaningful partnerships and develop what comes next.

@zola_nene · @katlegomaboe · @granthinds · @princemarko19

Come in.
20across.com by @leratodmales

It is scary living here. That is the truth of it.

We cannot comfortably live in this country, let alone raise our children in it, because of this.

Nine women in two months.

And I don't even know what else to add, except that my heart goes out, deeply, to every family who has lost someone, and to those whose lives are about to be turned upside down by news no one should ever have to receive. by @leratodmales

+70 days.

That's how long it's been since I started treatment following my diagnosis: combined ADHD and moderate to severe depression.

I don't know that I have the right words for what these weeks have taught me, other than this: I feel like I'm meeting myself for the very first time, with calm and with clarity.

It's painful and sobering to finally understand the "you" that was buried under intense self-criticism, impulsivity, the constant need for motion and connection, the lack of follow-through, the crippling anxiety, the endless overwhelm, and the unkind voice insisting you're not doing enough, not trying hard enough, not aiming high enough. All of it had a reason. And that reason lived outside of me.

Every moment I felt misunderstood, every moment I feared being seen, was a signal pointing inward. Asking me to look past the critical shadow in my mind and see myself clearly.

So much of this is what women with ADHD are taught to do: mask it, push through it, and call the exhaustion normal.

To realise you can live inside your own power in stillness, at a steady pace? That made me sob.

To finally hear yourself without the million tabs, the voices, the reminders, the jabs of self-loathing, the scenario-planning for things that will never happen, the idea lightbulb going off for the millionth time that day. That noise I assumed was just what being alive felt like, because it had always been my reality.

I remember asking myself: if I feel present now, then where have I been all this time?

That question became the beginning of grief. If I'd known there was a version of this life I could have lived sooner, I wouldn't have had to tread through so much. I could have built a kinder internal voice a long time ago. Because that one? She was mean.

But after the tears and the shock of that first week, what I feel now is gratitude. And because pills don't teach skills, I also feel the weight and the excitement of the work ahead. It genuinely feels like life gets to begin again...

Read more in the comments 👇🏽 by @leratodmales

Happy Heavenly Birthday, little bro 💛✨ @shauntshukudu

I think now I've come to accept your passing. At the time you transcended, I was just starting my second trimester with your nephew. My mind, body, and soul could not fathom processing this loss. I know we're all going to meet our end, but man, I felt God robbed us that day. It was far too soon...but such is life.

I miss you so much. Grieving you is really hard. But what helps is knowing you wouldn't want any of us drowning in sorrows. Heck, you'd probably make a silly joke about all this sadness if you were here.

And truly, all there is left to do is be grateful for the chance to experience YOU and life with YOU in it 💛✨

We miss you deeply and as equally as we love you. I'll tell the little ones about their legendary uncle Shaun 🙏🏽

Keep resting easy, kid.

Love eternally,
Your sister x by @leratodmales

candids with my minis 🥹💛 by @leratodmales

My sweet Aratwe,
One year. I can hardly believe it.

When I first found out about you, I wasn't ready. Your arrival wasn't part of the plan I thought my life would follow. I was scared, overwhelmed, uncertain, and carrying more than I knew how to hold.

I worried about everything.
I worried about how I would care for two children under two.
I worried about work.
I worried about our future.
I worried whether I had enough of myself left to give.

But then you arrived, and somehow, little by little, day by day, feed by feed, sleepless night by sleepless night, we found our way. You found your place in our family as though you had always belonged here.
You brought a softness I didn't know I needed. A gentleness. A quiet strength.

You turned your brother into a big brother.
You stretched my heart wider than I thought possible.
You taught me that sometimes the greatest gifts arrive disguised as our greatest fears.

This year hasn't always been easy. There were moments when I felt exhausted, uncertain, and completely out of my depth. But there has never been a moment when I wasn't grateful that you are mine.

Looking at you today, I don't see the fear I felt when I was pregnant.

I see laughter.
I see resilience.
I see joy.
I see a little girl who has brought so much love into our lives.
Most of all, I see one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.

Happy first birthday, my beautiful girl.

I love you more than words will ever be able to explain 💛 by @leratodmales

the whole picture. by @leratodmales

[May Archives] by @leratodmales

The world is a better place with you in it 💛 happy blessed birthday, gorgeous 🥹✨

Thank you for all the memories, for your love, and your presence in my life!

To Sheila 🥂 always, and forever, love x by @leratodmales

Dear Me,

You've made a lot of wishes every single birthday, but this journey was not one of them. When it arrives, don't be scared. It will turn out to be the most impactful, yet beautiful journey you've ever embarked on. You'll soon realise how much you were made for this moment. One of your biggest evolutions lies in this journey, and it will only continue to bring out the best in you.

Remember to take it easy.
Remember to breathe.
Remember to enjoy every single moment, even when you're running on very little sleep and sanity.
Remember to receive — the help, the love, the joy, the changes.

Remember that you're doing the best that you can, and that best? Wow, girl, it's monumental. The sacrifices this journey demands are all worth it. Lean in — you're doing so well, kiddo.

And lastly, remember that you're a great mom 💛✨ by @leratodmales

Oh, my sonshine 🥺 where do I even begin?

We had a tough start to this life thing, but wow… what a beautiful 180 you’ve made. I couldn’t be more grateful.

I’m so honoured to be your mom. I see so much of myself in you – this ball of pure, good energy, always smiling, always singing. Watching you be such a loving and kind big brother fills my heart in ways I can’t explain.

Happy blessed 2nd birthday, Kgosietsile 💛

I love you beyond words… and beyond this lifetime. by @leratodmales