Instagram story viewer> @lorelai_l> Posts
Lorelai_L Lilac Hill Farms by Lorelai Lee(@lorelai_l)'s profile avatar HD Profile

Lorelai_L Lilac Hill Farms by Lorelai Lee

@lorelai_l

1.3K
followers
2756
following
Serial redecorator reviving my Victorian on the Lake. The Long Goodbye with husband w Alzheimer's. Lover of horses, goats, cats, dogs, & democracy.
POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED
Download All
by @lorelai_l
1
2 days ago
Download
I had a 2 day melt down, breakdown. I screamed and yelled and cried. I was mean, self centered. and i accomplished no chores. What i did accomplish was getting rid of the burning in my stomach, the ache in my head, and the resentment eating away at me. I needed the time and i feel no guilt. I came out of it better and clearer. I restart my counseling sessions this week. I restart weight watchers as well!😂 And my 10 hour a week carer and my 2 day a week handyman restart. I knew i needed space, even if to lose it. Now onward! The Brit and i had a great ending week. Lunch at Barnes and Nobel cafe flipping thru mags. A gorgeous time at Lake Ontario. A few very nice meals made by me. And a pizza delivery. Lots of plans for the three day weekend including celebrating our 24th on Monday. We have been listening to lots of music.Still amazing how he remembers words to every song from the 60s but can't remember where the refrigerator is. I have made some decisions re the next 3 years or so. So very odd measuring our life together in what is left., More on all that in the future. i am happy that when i hear The Doors i have fond memories of doing lines and weekends having more fun than anyone should. I am glad that as i look thru storage boxes i come across my Fortnum and Harrods xmas decor from a decade living in England. I am happy looking at Pics from Marbella and reminiscing about a fabulous weekend in Beirut with my Frenchman. I am mostly glad that i have been independent and self sufficient even when married. I am glad i had my first marriage. I am so so thankful i met The Brit. I have shown my daughter that she can be whoever she wants and i will always catch her if she needs me. I have traveled to 49 states and 14 countries, skied in Switzerland, ridden horses in Windsor. I have driven up PCH in a red MB convertible with a very hot Italian who i did not marry and had the highest highs and lowest lows with this man that I did marry 2x and shall take care of until his last breath. Then, who knows. Whatever is next it will be my choice and my way! The thing about aging is I don't give a fuck what others think. #shabbatshalom #alzheimers by @lorelai_l
2
4 days ago
Download
This week was equally productive and exhausting. Just the way i like it. I am back to looking after myself a bit, frequent visits to the boys and getting the house in order. I am embracing my need for order. Laundry Maid hung. The wonderful handyman built the pantry i designed for a song. The laundry maid was purchased 3 or 4 years ago and looking back of course The Brit was well into Alz land. The handyman put this up, The Brit and his lovely caregiver are finished with the basement door. I need to decide on a handle/lock. So all from how the F will i get all this done to it is all done, lovely, and affordable!!! I still need to paint my 2 big box drawer units. The hardware was my only splurge. No kitchen floor until the new year. A piece of plywood separates the kitchen and basement. Andersen Renewal will be working in the kitchen and its larger sitting area footprint in December. Once all done i will do the floor. I am looking at materials that will be healthy, easy to keep, and look good. I worked my tucus off over the last 2 days to get the kitchen sorted and it is worth it! Fyi that small Breville oven does everything a large oven does and uses a fraction of the energy. My gas/electric bills have been very manageable with no dryer use etc. Hoping to control all over the winter. The Brit is cold all the time so it may be difficult. I simply cannot use a wood fire with him around. He is.., I truly cannot find the words to describe this latest phase. One moment a grown man then the next moment a 6 ft 200lb toddler. It is emotionally devastating, intellectually challenging, financially draining, and physically impossible. I continue to learn and prepare and try my best to get ahead of all. The bathroom needs is all ready for whatever is next in his personal care. I ordered and put within easy reach, wipes for facial, body, and toilet care. I have Depends waiting. The Drs best guess for all this is early spring. I said i can't do that but i will simply have to. He is my husband. Tomorrow we both get our flu and covid vaccines, hang with the 4 boys, and then a day or two of rest. This week will be all me and that's ok. #shabbatshalom #alzheimersawareness by @lorelai_l
2
11 days ago
Download
I have had a very difficult week. The Brit was really difficult and unpleasant. Then he woke up Saturday morning asking me what is wrong with him and why can't he do anything anymoreh and there were tears. I reassured him and loved him and yet sometimes i have to be very harsh and even threaten to keep him safe. There were hours this week where it almost felt normal to be with him. Then came the new thing, wandering all night. He goes from bed to bed to sofa, up and down the stairs.. I am so exhausted it is difficult to explain. I am.bleeding money to pay for 10 hrs of help per week and to pay to prep the house for his safety and my sanity. His movements are changing. I had a toilet replaced with an ADA toilet and a higher sink.I had a light put in on a wall switch because he could no longer handle the on lite switch. i am paying a very good man to do all the things! Including installing smoke and Co2 detectors, fire extinguishers, and a hundred other things that we always did ourselves. Time with the horses and goats was spectacular. The cats have been adorable and Jesse is asleep on my lap. We went down to The Lake today and a NOAA ship was in as well as some beautiful private ships. Tomorrow is a busy day which if i get some sleep will be fun. I had a really good cry on Saturday. The Brit was with our dear horse boarding friend. While there i stayed home and cried. I look like hell and that's ok until tomorrow morning. Tomorrow i must begin caring for me a bit more. I love him and take my marriage vows seriously. I will do this. Anyone have 15.5k a month they don't need? I worked and saved and paid cash for my house and car and was ready for retirement. Then this. Is it terrible that i want this over knowing that over means.. I will be my usual delightful self next week. Right now this is as fucking delightful as. can be. #alzheimerscaregiver by @lorelai_l
11
16 days ago
Download
A new normal week. A productive week as well. The young woman who is caring for our horses and goats is a licensed therapist. Beginning this week she will come to the house one morning a week and get The Brit and the house going so I can have a couple of hours to take care of me. She will do 1 afternoon a week, 1-5. This includes giving him a light supper, meds, shower, basically bed ready. AND she will do one weekend day. Sometimes at her farm with the boys and actually skills therapy and at times at our place doing projects with him. The $$$ drain continues to build. I am zen with it. When all is behind me if I have to make another change so be it. In the meantime there will be a garage sale to cover some winter expenses. I have gotten good at these. I have also gained weight, not slept, and had little pleasure. Two weeks ago that changed. As we approach 1 year since diagnosis I am feeling finding my center. The new beds and good mattresses arrived. The help, the trip to nyc , time with the farm boys, I am feeling the change. Yesterday we did errands in our very own Stars Hollow. Then hours with the farm boys who are thriving! Today was very mellow including a 3 hour family nap. I cooked and did laundry. The Brit did the washing up and hung the laundry. We played outside with Jesse until we pooped him out! The Brit had his clearest day in weeks. I am smiling and take it for what it is, a good day. Tomorrow is after all, another day. I realized this week that I have always juggled life. I had a good career. I am a great mother! I travelled, and had fun and now is now. I am very content being here in NY. I love The Brit and will do what I need to do and figure it out cause that is what I do. And i do not and will not feel guilty about mistakes made along the way. I may feel like a Goddess but I realize I am only human. 😂 And on that note I will be as outspoken of a Jew, a Woman, and a NOT MAGA person as I care to be. Not trying to change hearts and minds. Just speaking mine. A belated Shana Tova. For those who observe, may you have an easy fast. Carpe Diem my friends. #shabbatshalom❤️ #rescuehorses #rescuegoats #alzheimers #caregiver by @lorelai_l
1
24 days ago
Download
Shabbat Shalom!!! Come on peeps are you feeling it? Being thankful that i have the exterior under control. The beds are cleaned out. All trees trimmed and fingerscrossed ready for healthy blooming next spring. We power washed the porch. All the bits are at least 3 houses ago old. Except the tin pumpkins in the front beds. We bought those at our farmers market yesterday. I have been assured i cannot kill them by over or underwater g or my typical sheer neglect 😂. I will let you know. There was a bare bulb hanging off a shredded wire as a porch light. I bought the light you see on sale at PB and then our neighbor put it in for us. Another safety issue solved! I have, after much consideration as well as bids for painting that made me reach for the Alka Seltzer, decided not to paint next year. I will save up and see what life is like in 2028... Perhaps after the election? And then will zi stay or will I go? 🎶. If i stay the hideous vinyl will come off. the house. Since the siding was removed by the schmuck that put the vinyl on, i will have wood lap siding put on and painted. Until then i still need to get the storm windows off, cleaned, and put back on. The exterior windows under the storms cleaned, and i will ain't the porch ceiling and floor. Really happy with this house. It is a happy home. A joy to being back to its glory with a bit of thoroughly modern Lorelai thrown in.We have a lovely stay at home weekend planned. Laundry number 4 is in the machine and the other 3 are hanging in the line. Enjoy your weekend. Meditate, Listen to a pod cast, go to Tempke or Church or Mosque or just take a bit of time for you. Love to all. Yup all... I am in a very generous mood. Feels a bit weird!😂. And to our putz of a POTUS. it is Lake ONTARIO you idiot. #shabbatshalom❤️ #victorianhomes #victorianhomedecor #lakeontario #nystateofmind by @lorelai_l
13
a month ago
Download
Shabbat Shalom ish! Ok a bit late but life around here changes every day and will continue to do so for an indefinite amount of time. The end is something that will bring both grief and relief. I have my head around all of that. As a result i am doing so much better. The Brit and I have a great love, a tremendous amount of passion, and with that came a marriage that worked or did not work over the many decades and even crossing a millennium. All that said it took awhile to find my center. For now i have found it. Alzheimer's is not linear, completely predictable, nor does it progress at a predictable speed. What i know is that for The Brit, I am doing the right thing. And sadly, so sadly, Dolly Parton is a cautionary tale for me. I went stone deaf in my left ear almost a year ago, and that is only one thing i have not attended to. This week i am taking at least 4, 2 hour chunks at my desk with The Brit in front of the tv nearby and planning to get my arms around scheduling, filing, day trips, budget, and my health. Enough of all that. We had so much fun with the boys this week. We took rides and sang Moody Blues songs and drank so much coffee. we played outside with Jesse and he came along with us for Moody Blues day. My city offers grants of up to 2k towards painting the exterior. My house is in a very visible prominent place. I have a good chance of getting a grant for next year. May not be doable for me next year but good to know if i am able to get the grant when i can sort it out. That first slide is the color combo i went with. There are approved historic schemes to choose from. Must use 3 of the 4 colors. I will apply to use the dark grey on the body🤞🏻Anyhoo... This is Sunday. I set an alarm and Jesse and i go downstairs to care for that cats and each other. Then i make a coffee and watch The Lioness. So ciao for now PS. It is Lake ONTARIO! And it does matter. Words and History and Respect matter. #shabbatshalom✡️ #nigeriandwarfgoatsofinstagram #poniesofinstgram #rescue #1984georgeorwell by @lorelai_l
3
a month ago
Download
A late Shabbat post. The week was busy, productive, and dare i say fun! We spent time with the horses and goats. The goats have their lovely new house and paddock. It is so good for them . The horses are happy and healthy. The cats and Jesse are a little unit. Charlie has come such a long way from the starving, tick covered, lonely scared little boy who wandered on to the farm and stayed to a content healthy cuddle bug. And we are loving being so close to a truly Great Lake! The badly tested colors may be what i use on the house. I have two firms coming to give me estimates this week. The work will be done next summer . The ideal would be to lose the ugly siding. The reality may be just to paint the ugly siding! Stay tuned. And i am as always so tired. Working on that as well. And i realized that there are accommodations i need to make within my heart and mind as well as within this home. I am taking many actions and making many changes. What will the future bring? Lots of difficult days and nights and the challenges are countless more on all that as the weeks go by. For now i shall say Goodnight and Good Luck. #alzheimersawareness #alzheimerscaregivers #nigeriandwarfgoatsofinstagram ##rescuecat by @lorelai_l
2
2 months ago
Download
Shabbat Shalom! This week on "My head is out of my tucus" OR "How the fuck am i 68"! The Brit had his 6 month check in at The Alzheimer's Center for Excellence. Bottom line is he is in Stage 6B. Not what i wanted to hear but certainly what i knew was the case. The memory meds have done nothing other than give him lousy side effects. He is now only on an anti depressant and an upped dose of anti anxiety meds. The objective is to keep him happy and keep him home as long as i can. The Dr was very pleased with how I am handling hubby and how i am handling myself. He noticed the difference in my mood, appearance, etc. Therapy has and continues to be critical for me. The money spent on the fencing, gates, alarm system, bedroom set so he can have his own bedroom, the walk in shower, the @hungryroot box, and so on and so on is worth the dreaded credit card debt. He has not wandered off and i have been sleeping. Those two things are priceless. The Dr believes that we have 12 months, 18 max, to have him home. After that he will need more physical help than i can give. He is slowing down significantly. I need to help him with daily activities. I am determined to keep him home until he doesn't really know home. Original medicare provides the services of The Guide Program. The jury is out but i am cautiously optimistic. I will share the good and bad because it may help someone else. For now we are embracing every day by laughing and having fun. And i have learned to lean into the truly bizarre conflation of places, people, things, decades, countries, and so on. We are taking a weekly outing to new places. We are going to begin walking on the nights we don't tuck the horses and goats in. We are going to see the 4 boys 3 to 4 times per week. We are house cleaning together ish. I cook, he washes up, i re wash up, and he feels useful and i am happier when he is happy. I am not good with aging but i am cognizant that this will be my last birthday with him knowing... his body is so healthy. Still so strange to have this be our life. It os and i will do my best until my best is not enough. Love to all. #shabbatshalom by @lorelai_l
12
2 months ago
Download
Shabbat Shalom I have been under the weather for quite awhile. Finally decided( with the goading of my daughter the Dr,not that kind of Dr, to get on an antibiotic. So now in addition to sinus and ear infections my stomach is a mess. It has been a very difficult 2 weeks. Resting is not a thing when being the sole caretaker of an Alzheimer's spouse. And let's be real. I love the man but even before early dementia he was a schmuck. So i have amused myself by moving furniture, ordering wallpaper and paint samples, and alarming all in while i nap. The dream has shifted to a week at a spa. Massages, body scrubs, mud baths, facials, mani pedi, fruit and salads and cold beverages. And cucumber everywhere! Sift white 800 count white sheets. Perfect pillows for this back sleeper. and no phone or tv. None. Zero! Alas Idris is probably more likely. So apologies for no Shabbat post for weeks. I know many of my family and friends will be dismayed at my blatant Jewness and the dreaded word, Zionism. Thank you Elisa and Denise and my darling Mercedes for getting it. I don't go to temple. I don't keep kosher or strictly follow the holidays. I do feel my ancestry from my Russian and Yiddish soeaking grandoarents to my grandparents to my Step father's time in Auschwitz. I raised my daughter a proud Jew. My DNA demands it. All 99% Ashkenazi Jew and even my 1% Swedish / Viking piece. Like most Jews I love and care for all animals. I stay in my lane until that lane is invaded by others who want my lane. Then i become protective of my DNA, my culture, my religion, my homeland, and my daughter. ( Have I mentioned she earned her PhD in Poli Sci? Nap time cause if i am not well then what happens to The Brit? This coming week The Brit has his 6 month Alzheimer's specialist appt. I have the final appt with my shrink of 2 yrs, new one in October. And i hope to not end up back at urgent care part 2. Dr Daughtah prescribed and sent brownie mix! Oh yeah, and i turn something 8 this week. #shabbatshalom #alzheimerscare #borderjacks #rescuecatsrock by @lorelai_l
0
2 months ago
Download
i miss all of it. The good, the bad, partnership, fun, arguing over the stupid stuff that we argue about after years of marriage. And, Mercedes stop reading....... Fabulous sex, love making, rolling in the hay, ya da ya da ya da.... I wake up and my first thought is his meds. I go to bed at night and my last action is to write down thoughts for what is next to give him a good outcome for the day, In between are a thousand small things to keep him safe and feeling normal, whatever that is. I feel quite refreshed since my daughter's visit. She left me with the alarm system set up and it has been a game changer! More freedom inside the house as well as on the property, for both of us. There are a plethora of positive moves forward in the works. Therapy is a blessing. My daughter the Dr, have i mentioned she has her PhD? 😂 Anyhoo she sorted out a million things that were driving me crazy and now i can breathe. Well i could until the Canadian fires. At the end of the day the kindness of dear Roma helping me to get out of the hole, the kindness of my therapist helping me stay out, my neighbors lending a hand and a smile, and my gorgeous daughter who worked at all hours and jeff me organized and rested and most of all emotionally full. And there may be some solid help on the way. There is a new medicare benefit for users of straight original medicare only, which we are. I had an intro call today. We do an intake call next week and fingers crossed o will have solid help with our needs and paid for by medicare. Will keep y'all posted. i still struggle with the entire nightmare this is. The long goodbye is exactly what it is. I will have to find my way through this and someday after all this. I don't know if it was hubris or denial or wtf it was but i just believed we had years before we would have to deal with all this... aging, illness, loss... Yet here it is. So if you pray please throw one in for us. And you all keep safe. I wish you bacteria free fruit and veg under clear blue sky. Shabbat Shalom. #shabbat #alzheimers #caregiver #marriage #love by @lorelai_l
4
3 months ago
Download
#calicocat #victorianhome #borderjack #adoptdontshop home by @lorelai_l
0
3 months ago
Download
×

Download all media on this page

Photos Videos
back to up