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Love Salt Light

@lovesaltlight

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Intentionally growing in love 🌱 Encouragment to nurture your marriage and #growyourlove Gold Coast, Australia. Est. 2018

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Mark has this way of reading my facial expressions to a tee -

He always says “you look like you’re thinking this..”

Or he can just tell when my mind is preoccupied with something else.

And when he notices, he always asks. He basically gets it right before I’ve even opened my mouth.
“Tell me three things that are on your mind.”
“Tell me more..” he says.

He gently pushes me to offload my heart and not give an easy “I’m fine” answer.

I love the notion of being a student of our spouse. It’s easy to figure it out in the early days when you’re all starry eyed and then repeat indefinitely but I can assure you, your spouse has changed dramatically since you met them. So are you stopping to take it all in? Are you changing how you respond? Noticing the new subtle habits or ways they express feelings, the body language that needs a response, knowing what they are not saying with their silence?
Just a little reminder to take time to study them again and see what new things you observe. Don’t let yourself get comfortable #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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2 years ago

Awhile back we watched a YouTube series called What Happy Couples Know. One big part of what it focuses on is expectations and the danger of them in a marriage.
We particularly loved the “debt/debtor” analogy. It can be dangerous when you begin to have this mindset- that your spouse owes you things. This is because it causes gratitude to be minimal.
Take the example of owing someone money. If you OWE me $100, and then later you give me $100 as a gift, I probably won’t feel very grateful or be as thankful for that gift as you owed that to me anyway.
So in a marriage, if I have the expectation that Mark should behave a certain way or do certain things, when he does them, I’m going to be less grateful that he did them because I believe he owed it to me in the first place.
Ie) if I believe he OWES me to put the kids to bed because I’ve had them all day, then when he does this, I could be less grateful because I believed he should have anyway.
In other words, you should be doing things for your spouse without believing you are owed things in return.
One thing that’s been a challenge for me in recent years is not getting into a mindset that because I look after the kids full time, that I work harder around the clock therefore deserve more break time than Mark does. It’s easy to slip into the expectation that because I’m a stay at home Mum, Mark “owes” me to do lots of the kid stuff when he IS home, or that I deserve more nights out w friends, more alone time etc.
This is not true and it only breeds resentment towards your spouse. Seeing us as equals and that I owe him everything, and he owes me NOTHING, is the best way to show him gratitude.
It’s the easy route to let a bad attitude about an expectation bring down an evening, day, week or even month - but all that creates is distance. Put in the hard work to check yourself, your outlook, your attitude and expectations and you can reap the benefits of a healthier growing and adapting relationship!! 🧡Is there something in your heart that’s inhibiting gratitude to your spouse because you feel they OWE you something? Reflect and redirect that today #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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2 years ago

It’s hard to find time for each other amongst busy lives. It’s easy to excuse that for normal.
It’s hard to plan dates and babysitting in advance. It’s easy to just push it back another week or month and say it won’t matter.
It’s hard to take 10 minutes out of your day to stop and talk undistracted. It’s easy to think he/she doesn’t need to know how you’re feeling.
It’s hard to get off your phone and stop scrolling. It’s easy to sit next to each other and not engage.
It’s hard to stick to routines and be intentional. It’s easy to cruise and grow distant.
It’s hard ask for help and look for solutions. It’s easy to think it’s just a bad patch and we don’t need advice.
It’s hard to find time to talk deeply around looking after children. It’s easy to just become housemates and co-parents.
It’s hard to muster up the energy to be intimate sometimes. It’s easy to just fall asleep, backs to each other for another night.
It’s hard to say no to other things sometimes for the sake of your marriage. It’s easy to let other things become a priority.
I’m yet to meet anyone who says marriage is easy. It might be hard to imagine life without your spouse, but if you don’t make the hard choices often and always, it’s going to be way too easy to walk away from your marriage for something better. #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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25 days ago

“Differences and disagreements do not need to destroy a marriage. Marriage is not about suppressing our personality. Rather it involves discussing our different points of view, seeking to understand each other and finding ways of combining our wisdom and gifts. When we do this, we discover that the issue that threatened to divide us has drawn us closer together and caused our marriage to move forward. It is rather affirming our belief that God brought us together and there is ALWAYS a way through.” - The Marriage Book. 🖤Our hope and prayer for you all today is that whatever differences you’re experiencing this week, you’re able to graciously find your way through, whilst clinging to each other rather than trying to get your own back, get even or retaliate. Let’s finish the week strong #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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a month ago

It seems that way too often in marriage we keep doing the things that don’t work over and over. We keep repeating the same behaviors and actions and expect the results to change. Today, try focus on what you KNOW works for loving your spouse and then do that. And keep doing it often. If you know they always ask for a back scratch or they light up when you compliment them or they are so grateful when you prepare their work lunch or do the dishes - then KEEP doing those things. Sometimes we do one nice thing and expect big changes, but consistency is the key. Look carefully at your recent behavior and ask yourself “what have I been doing that I should not be doing? What have I been saying that I should not be saying?”
Maybe you’ve been speaking unkindly, trying to control your spouse, nagging or holding onto bitterness over an offense.
All that you can change is YOU, so try to initiative positive changes today that you can control instead of getting frustrated at areas of your spouse’s behaviour that you dislike. #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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a month ago

When we first started Love Salt Light, the key word that I felt from God was sanctification.
I had the image of a bride in white so clearly.

Sanctification means the ongoing process of becoming more like Jesus, being set apart for his purposes. C.S. Lewis describes marriage as two friends standing shoulder to shoulder and staring at a common horizon. The common horizon is the future glory self when we are fully mature in Christ.
So maybe when you’re feeling like the same stumbling blocks are tripping you or your spouse up, remind yourself it’s an opportunity to love and forgive our spouse in the same way Jesus loves and forgives us. In turn you’re growing more like Him #growyourlove #marriage by @lovesaltlight

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a month ago

So glad you landed here. We’re Mark and Lauren and we have been together for 18 years, have four beautiful kids, live on the Gold Coast, Australia and we’d love to encourage you to make little choices every day to intentionally better your marriage. Share this with anyone else you know who would resonate #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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2 months ago

The season we’ve been in for 10+ years 😅🫠💛 the list could go on but a few starters when you’re brain hasn’t got the space #datenight #marriage #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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2 months ago

Whilst we had our littlest tag along, we got to squeeze in a day date this week and how refreshing it was. Mark had a public holiday so we got to drop big kids to school and kindy, coffee and treats in the sun, beach walk, play in the water, mostly uninterrupted conversation. We truly needed this and it was a more a recovery date than anything. Truth be told our attempt at a date night the week before was a total flop. Due to one child’s anxiety we didn’t leave the house till 8:45pm, meaning we missed our booking and every other restaurant was closed. Wasn’t exactly the romantic night we’d imagined. Whilst we advocate for dating your spouse, the honest truth for us is it’s so very rare. Living away from our families means we squeeze them in if there’s a slim chance everything aligns w care for the four kids. The last date we had was a quick brunch in April, before that it was January. We know how hard it is to find quality time together. Thankfully we don’t need to rely on dates to keep the spark alive. That’s why we love to encourage you to find pockets of time in your ordinary weeks, turn off devices and intentionally connecting on evenings right there at your kitchen table. The effort we put into our marriage on a regular week gives us far more growth and depth in our relationship than going out of the house for dates. So if you’re in the same position or feeling disconnected - before you start to make plans for a grand date to fix it, firstly make the choice next week to put the phones away, turn off Netflix, pause on jobs for a night and connect with your spouse right at home. #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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2 months ago

A quote I read recently said “your system is perfectly designed to give you the results you are getting” and whilst it’s usually a business world type of thought, I felt like it perfectly applies to marriage aswell. John Mark Comer says “if your emotional life is off kilter, if you feel far from God, stressed, anxious and chronically mad and you’re not becoming more of a person of love then chances are something about the system of your life is poorly designed. Because your life is the by-product of your lifestyle.” If you sit on your phone for hours each evening but also complain of poor communication with your spouse then something might have to change in your habits. If you feel distant from your spouse but never make time for dates and 1-1 time, then you need to adjust your schedule. If you have no boundaries around spending and fight about money then you likely need to sit down and make a plan and budget together. If nothing changes then nothing changes. If your marriage isn’t in a great place then let us encourage you that you CAN choose to make some small intentional changes each day and slowly but surely you will start to see new GROWTH in your marriage. Start by asking yourself - what do I want to grow in my marriage? And what do I want to die?
What do I want to put into my marriage and what do I want to keep out?

If this resonates with you we’d love for you to follow along as we share ways to #growyourlove and create rhythms and habits that see your marriage flourish again by @lovesaltlight

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3 months ago

Starting off the week with one for the fellas today. Try one, try all and see if it sparks a little more connection 💛 #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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5 months ago

This might just look like a cup of tea but to us it’s 18 years of communicating. Our 9pm tea time. What we started as 16 and 17 years olds as a way to linger longer at each other’s homes when we would visit is now an integral cornerstone to our relationship. Whether we have made time for each other during the day or not, we will always come together at 9pm, stopping what we are doing, to chat or just sit together. Every. Single. Day. I can’t even describe the invaluable conversations we’ve had over these teas but it’s our sacred time. Even the act of making it, lovingly for each other, maybe often reheated or left cold in the newborn haze, but always made - with love and the intention of communicating; I love you and I want to spend time with you. Find a way that is uniquely you and start doing it together from today. Do it often and do it regardless of circumstances. If it brings you together on a daily basis, then it’s worth far more than just a cup of tea ☕️🧡 #growyourlove by @lovesaltlight

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5 months ago