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mattbearden

@mattbearden

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I’ve been waiting for months to get the all 2s… and then missed it! I’ll probably survive, but feels like I missed a milestone watching the actual flip. I was having a good convo w my daughter, though, so fair trade off. If you have a teen daughter, you know convos can be hard to come by. by @mattbearden

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9 months ago

“Common sense will tell us, that
the power which hath endeavoured to subdue us, is of all others, the
most improper to defend us.”

JAN 10, 1776 - Happy 250 to this absolute banger 🎂 We might all dig a refresher on the USA’s OG viral poster. by @mattbearden

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9 months ago

Happy New Year! Here are the BEST 2025 HIGHLIGHTS from the inside of my pocket! by @mattbearden

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9 months ago

*SECRET POOP HACK* In my years as a road comic, I criss-crossed some insane miles across this great country and learned a valuable lesson:

Whenever you’re road tripping and you’re struck by a sudden “oops, coffee’s brewin,” look for a Ramada, Comfort Inn, La Quinta etc. The bathrooms are way cleaner than any gas station! Plus, sometimes they’ve set out lemon water or coffee or a banana and a USA Today that you can steal. The employees are bored and hate being there, so no one will ask if you’re a guest. Please remember to wash your hands. by @mattbearden

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2 years ago

Ask a stranger how they are. Ask a friend how they are. Look after one another. Want to know how easy it is to help someone having a time of it? Check the good work at @hihowareyouproject taken in Paramount Theatre by @mattbearden

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3 years ago

Spent about 30 minutes watching this dinosaur eat this building. by @mattbearden

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3 years ago

Good day for breezy naps by @mattbearden

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4 years ago

Balanced a Negroni on this toilet. 👌🤝👏 taken in Home Slice Pizza by @mattbearden

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4 years ago

For the millions of you waiting, here they are: this year’s #skullzones. Yes, yes - they used to be #pizzaskulls, but our closest sometimes-Italian/sometimes-Latino friend, @bobfonseca, took umbrage with the prior name. Honestly, he made a good point. A stuffed pizza is indeed a calzone. So RIP pizzaskulls 2018-2021. Long live Skullzones! taken in Austin, Texas by @mattbearden

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4 years ago

lol austin is scifi now by @mattbearden

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5 years ago

Sneaky pic of my hot old lady. #alphawife by @mattbearden

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5 years ago

This little dude comes to visit every eve. 6:45p, on the dot. He’s my best friend. taken in Austin, Texas by @mattbearden

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5 years ago