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⋒ 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚎

@misscloe

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💖 Mama to Cosma & Indigo
☀️ Sun chaser
🌍 Earth lover
🙏 Kindness advocate
🕉 Mindful human
🪄 Collector of magic & wonder
🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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Healing
kills you first.

Because
that version of you
that got you here

can't survive
where you're going. by @misscloe

17

0

a month ago

"They found something new on your MRI."
Not the words than any former cancer patient wants to hear. Especially not as soon as 2.5 years after the surgery that was supposed to take it all away.

While anything new is concerning, the doctors at BC Cancer were fast to convince me it could be anything - a cyst, fatty tissue, or a minor benign tumor. Its tiny, 3x7mm, and today - a week after the phone call - I'm traveling to Vancouver to discuss my upcoming surgery for removal. Hey, the last time it took them 5 years. Now I'm a priority!! Makes me feel special 🥰

While the shock of the news did hit me deeply, my nervous system remembered how to not panic, take one day at a time, and focus on the gift of challenges – which is growth.
Instead of letting fear of the unknown scrunch my heart into a tight ball in my chest, I'm getting curious what the universe wants to teach me with this. Also, worrying is glorifying the problem and just takes away my peace without changing anything. So fck it – I'm just not gonna worry. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Instead, this challenge gives me an opportunity to focus on what I *can* control – my own happiness and fulfillment. Nobody else is responsible for that. So I can make excuses why my life isn't what I thought it would be & stay stuck, angry, bitter – or I can let the expectations go, say "fck it" (which i just did haha), look inside my heart, and do all the things that make me happy. Like, posting all the pics where I felt pretty and that carry a beautiful memory for me to look back at. 🥰
Doesn’t mean I'm not scared – I am. But, as we all have the freedom of choice, and I choose to consciously focus on my peace. ☮️

We are all are gonna leave one day. What we do with the time we are given is entirely up to us.

Today, on my 479468484th ferry trip into the city for a 15 minute discussion with the surgeon, Im grateful for:

🌊 alone time watching the ocean glitter
☀️ the sun on my skin
📖 the access to knowledge
🦵🏻 walking on my own two legs
☕️ the taste of coffee
🩷 my friends & family who I know will support me with anything that may arise

If you had the choice (and you do):
What can you by @misscloe

49

17

2 months ago

"Being authentic will radiate
more pure energy than trying
to be an ideal you."
~ Christina Lonsdale

The whole "new year new me" is tricky.
I feel ive changed, but I'm not quite sure who I changed into? Societal norms dictate a favorable way to present ourselves, to fit in, to stick to a path everyone else is walking. I get it. Predictability is safe. Unpredictability, to draw over the lines of life choices, is not.

♥︎ Is it appropriate for a mother of two to post fun bikini photos skateboarding down a dirt road?
♥︎ What does that teach her kids?
♥︎ She's just doing that for social media.
I was long considering whether to post photos like these, though those really only show I'm just enjoying life, my way. The way I've always been. Has that changed just because I'm a mom now?

Social norms & expectations, and a fear of judgement are a pretty heavy when youre in that vulnerable spot of change.

But then I remember, I owe no one an explanation, and definitely no apology, for being truly, authentically who I am (as long as staying kind & honest). Even if I'm just trying to find out who I wanna be. Even if it's against the "norm".

Because you know what? This girl having fun IS me! Mother or not.
✨️✨️✨️
Slide for a throwback -->>>
(1/3)

(>>>) Throwback 10 years ago when I did a road trip with my best girlfriend through the deserts and coastal towns of California.

I've never been one to "fit the norm".
And I'm sure I'm never will.
And that's not only ok.
Its necessary.
Its necessary to be truly, unapologetically yourself.

How boring would it be if we were all the same.
How awful would it be to go against what sets your soul on fire just to fit in, or impress others?
How silly would it be to miss out on getting to know the real you just because you feel criticism of others?
I think it's a kind of bravery to do what you love even if you feel that version of you doesn't fit in.
Is it rebellious? I like to think so. 🐯

Some people may always talk behind your back. Some people may always judge you for not fitting into their view of how life "should be". Some people may really just be intimidated, insecure, or jealous. May as well give them something to talk a by @misscloe

38

2

3 months ago

No caption today.
Busy doing nothing.
✨️✨️✨️🤍✨️✨️✨️

#lake #lakeside #lakelife #countryside #peace by @misscloe

14

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3 months ago

To see a person who you love most in your life dying while their hands are interlocked with yours is one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

The grief hit me real hard yesterday.
There was so much energy in him.
Such a big will to live. And love.
And then cancer happened.
And I was over here in Canada, first pandemic, then highly pregnant, and I couldn't even visit him in his final year.

I know he wouldn't want me to feel guilty.
But some days I can't stop looking back.
I just miss him so much.

Running is the thing that connected us early on.
I remember our Italy vacation when I was 7.
We went for our morning runs together in the warm, gentle morning sunshine to buy some rolls at the bakery for our family breakfast.

When i was a teenager, he went to run that one big marathon. My mom drove us kids to the finish line, which was in the old city town centre. We waited for a while, excited to see the first runner to come in. Finally, one lone runner came around the corner – all spectators cheering and yelling – and I saw it was my dad!
He crossed the finish line first, with nobody behind him for a good few minutes.
I couldn't believe it. I kept asking my mom "did dad just win this marathon?? It was so surreal.
He got the most obscenely giant, square gold medal.
I was so proud of him!

Yesterday I didnt know what to do with all that grief. My head was spinning full of memories, guilt, and sadness.
I know running always quiets my mind, but I needed something bigger.
So I ran my first half marathon.

The voices calmed down.
Grief didnt feel as heavy any longer.
At 14km I stopped feeling my legs.
But in my mind I saw my dad rounding the corner onto the old town city square and the people cheering were now cheering for me.
And i know he was cheering for me.
I know he would have been so proud.
But most of all, I was so proud of myself!

still miss him so much.
But I found a way to stay close to him.
And when i wear his jersey, like i did yesterday - I still feel his hand in mine. To help me finish this tough run even with tears in my heart.
How lucky am I to have had such a dad
❤️
.
.
.
.
#grief #love #running #halfmarathon #vulnerabilityisstreng by @misscloe

15

0

3 months ago

Trying to discover myself one new dress at a time.

So funny how I got this dress at the thrift shop, and the first evening I wore it out (and you know I rarely EVER go out), I run into my sweet friend Mieke who told me she had donated this very dress to that store the week before. And i hadn't seen her for months!
What's the odds??

The universe works in funny ways, to connect us with certain people through synchronicities, "coincidences", and little surprises.

I love these little hints from the universe.
It makes me certain that all the magic I'm feeling is real.
All the people that cross my path are here for a reason.
And all the coincidences are little guidelines that I may be on the right path.

Still don't know what the path is, but if it's laced with magic, wonder, lessons, funny encounters, and weird little concurrences, I'll gladly schedule more trips to the thrift store or nights out. 😄

Hit me up universe!
🤗✨️👗 by @misscloe

24

2

3 months ago

"𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚘." **

It's been a minute since I played softball. I've been fast pitch catcher for like 6 years in Germany, and played a few fun summer seasons in a fun league in Vancouver.

Starting over is hard.
Especially if you dont feel strong anymore.
So much has happened.
I've changed, I grew, I endured, I sacrificed. I lost myself.

Playing softball wasnt on my radar coming out of a type of fight-or-flight after my kid's baby & toddler years. A weird coincidence popped up this year and I took the chance.

Playing in a team with people I've never met was hard and intimidating.

I felt rusty, weak (srsly, I was able to throw a ball from home to 2nd without tearing a muscle.. wtf happened?!), and kind of shy & intimidated next to all these fun, sporty, loud, confident players.

But I did it.
I missed some swings, I got tagged out, I got some injuries.. but I showed up - repeatedly. I gave it all I had. And I got stronger. More confident. And i started feeling like part of the team.

I caught some fly balls (first day as rover!), I hit strong, I made runs, I hit rbi's, but most importantly: I became confident & proud of myself for showing up. For trying new things. For connecting with new people. For finding my passion again.

Wouldn't have changed this experience for the world!
I love this sport so much!
And I love the team spirit.
All these players with strengths and weaknesses, showing up for the fun of it, building teams, and encouraging one another.
As we should.

I hope yall find your passion, whatever it is. Whatever makes you feel strong, excited, accomplished, curious, ecstatic, alive. Whatever makes you.. you.
Face the hard, feel the fire in your heart, and go for it!

Im proud of everyone who is trying, showing up, changing an old stagnant path, training some muscles (physically or mentally!), failing and growing from it (that sht is hard!), and just making the best out of the one life we've been given!

🩶💪🏻🌟

** PS, quote applies to people too, not just athletes. by @misscloe

25

2

4 months ago

"Being authentic
will radiate
more pure energy
than trying to be
an ideal you."

~ Christina Lonsdale by @misscloe

12

0

7 months ago

This is my reminder that some days we feel like crap. Some days feel like they're never ending. Some days are painful. Some pain seems to not even have a reason. Or a cure.

Some days may turn into weeks. And you don't even seem to remember who you are. Or where the spark went. Or if this is ever gonna change again.

Then you remember it's February and not to be too hard on yourself, because somehow that's what Februarys tend to do. And to keep going, one day at a time. To keep taking care of yourself, even if it doesn't seem to fix anything, at least not right away.

Sometimes that means trusting the process. And that can be so frustrating. Because it doesn't even seem like the process knows we're trusting it.

But you try to keep feeling, because isn't it a privilege to be alive and receptive to all these types of energy? The ability to feel vibrant & excited about all these beautiful things around us also comes with the burden to feel all the heavy things deeply too. Would we prefer a shallower life, just because it saves us from feeling the hard days so hard?

I learned that only what we allow to feel can go away, or at least lose the weight it affects us with. Feeling it takes away its power. Or maybe we are just getting more resilient?

I used to think, I don't want to get more resilient or stronger if that means enduring all these hard days. I just want to feel happy in my bubble of wonder, quirkiness, softness. But maybe that means the more we are experiencing the negative side, the more we are able to experience the positive? After all, life is all about balance. Ying Yang.

So what would you choose?

Cause then there are days where the coffee starts tasting a bit smoother. And you're not that exhausted anymore. The heaviness is lifting.

You put on your favorite outfit that makes you feel cute. It's a good hair day, and you catch yourself swaying in the driveway. So you go and take a photo of this moment, remembering that all is temporary. Emotions are like waves, coming and going. And all that resilience you developed is a base to push yourself off of again. The happiness will come back, and we earned it!

Sending love to everyone feeling this.
🤍 by @misscloe

24

3

8 months ago

"𝙱𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍. 𝙱𝚎 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖. 𝙱𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎.
𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚎."

I used to think my insta should only show beautiful, color-coordinated, and curated photos. I'm such a visual person, and I thought it'd look beautiful.

But I just realized I posted like 10 photos in the last 2 years.
Total.
And so many things happened in between.
And so many things changed.
And I changed.

And I can't see any of it, because I felt the casual snaps weren't "beautiful" enough for the grid.
Or I didn't have anything deep or meaningful to say.
Or I didn't have enough time (with two kids and a life offline) to post the "perfect" image or write the most meaningful caption.

Ever since the cancer surgery and my dad passing, I realized we don't have much time here on earth. And it could end any moment. May as well post the silly, the crazy, the unhinged, the bored, the weird, and all the things in between that I feel make me me.

Cause when I look back on it, I'd like to see that I lived my life fully.
Not for "likes" or the approval of others.
Not just in perfect colors or perfect poses.
I'm living it imperfectly, messy, loud, quiet, colorful, dark, strange, quirky, depressed, cringy, ... but at least I'm living it authentically.

Because I'm proud of all the struggles that made me me.
I'm proud of all the lessons I learned through the hard times.
I'm OK with all the mistakes I did because those mean I'm human and I'm trying.

And that outweighs all that picture perfect, often unrealistic, ai-generated, or otherwise fake stuff that is out there and tbh getting kinda out of hand atm.

So, here's to being perfectly imperfect.
Here's to being unapologetically us.
Here's to authenticity.
Because authenticity is really rare these days
and I feel we need more of it.
Not just for myself.
I wanna show my kids
or anyone who feels they aren't enough
that we are enough, just the way we are.

Authenticity may not give me more followers, or likes, or approval.
But it will leave me with the people meant for me, who connect with my soul, and who love me for the person I am. 🤍 by @misscloe

16

6

8 months ago

These things keep happening to me, and I feel so blessed.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, while cooking dinner I had to think of my dad, and how much I miss him. How I'm never going to hear his voice again, his enthusiasm, his energy. It was very overwhelming.

All of a sudden, I felt all that grief, which I learned is just love with no place to go. And how feeling a passed loved one maybe means they are very close at that moment, and we feel it as love.
So I talked to him. I cried. I gave him an (air) hug and asked him to maybe give me a sign later, that he is still here.

After dinner I went to yoga, it was a very intense, heavy, grounding session and I felt a reassuring calmness come over me. When I came back home, Cosma presented me with two photos she took with her instant camera. Two snaps of a photo of my dad.

That's all. No more, just these two. Three hours after I asked my dad for a sign (you see a reflection of her camera in the photo from the shiny glass of the picture frame). She wasn't even close to hear me ask that.
Usually I would ask... what are the odds?
What made her pick up her camera that night and only take these two photos, of a framed photograph in the corner of the kitchen?

I don't believe in coincidences.
I do however believe in energy, and that we are all connected, even after death. And that we can pick up subtle (or sometimes not that subtle) energy from people we love. Their voices come in as feelings, as intuition, as ideas we think we have, as decisions we make intuitively.
We can't see them with our eyes, we can't hear them with our ears, we can't really feel their hugs. But we can feel their presence and their voices with another one of our senses – if we just listen to our hearts, our feelings, our intuition.

All we have to do is talk to them like they're still here – because they are.

So grateful I have my dad still watching over us, probably going to yoga with me (lol), and nudging my girl to create a connection to him with her camera.

I love you Paps!
You're the best!!
🤍🤍🤍 by @misscloe

13

4

9 months ago

2025. Thank you.
You showed me wounds I didn't know I carried.
Showed me strengths I didn't know I had.
Let me experience ecstatic joy, and deep heartbreak.
Challenged my patience and my beliefs.
Showed me sides of myself I didn't know I had.
And it allowed me to adjust myself to heal.

This year was meant to be all about healing.
And with healing came vulnerability.
Who would have thought healing makes you feel so raw.

I started running, more hot yoga, dancing with friends (well dancing about everywhere), scooter road trips, giving more strangers compliments, taking first me-times with both kids at school, all the music, deep conversations, tough conversations, midnight star gazing, and lots LOTS of hugs. And most of all my beautiful friends!

✨️ I'm so beyond grateful for everyone and everything that helped me through this. ✨️

One of the most meaningful things was my (relatively new) friend taking me aside, looking into my eyes and telling me that I'm loved just the way I am. Whether I have bad times or good. Whether I'm a mess or the life of the party. And that I don't have to be anyone but myself. And I'll be loved for that.
And that hit deep.

I'm looking forward to keep healing wounds, facing my insecurities, taking more me-time, dancing in all the (in)appropriate places, maybe turning more strangers into friends, deepening friendships, embracing my sensitivity, treating my body like the temple it is, road tripping more (big on the list), getting Ally to tattoo me, and to loving out loud all the silly ways and the quirky things I like. Being unconditionally myself.

2025 – thank you.
I'm happy being done with you.
I'll carry my lessons over to 2026 and use them as foundation for just the most magical things.

Hope everyone is having a content, healthy, reflective, peaceful, and fulfilling New Year 2026.
And that everyone feels loved for exactly who they are.

"Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide."
✨️🫶🏻✨️ by @misscloe

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9

10 months ago