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Birgit | The Unwritten.Essays

@mrs.bimako

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Trauma therapist & integrator.
Nervous systems. Shame. Power. Context.
Writer. Educator. Joyful human being.
Seat yourself. The kettle‘s on.
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Have you ever watched someone’s face change — and felt your whole body begin preparing a defence? On the road, several languages often sit at the same table. Elsewhere, assumptions and old stories pull up chairs beside us. You choose your words with care, and still they arrive differently in someone else’s ears. Sometimes everyone laughs and tries again. Sometimes someone pauses and says, “Wait — I may have heard that wrong. Tell me what you meant.” And the room stays open. Sometimes a face changes. This is not only about: “That isn’t what I meant.” It is about: “That isn’t who I am.” Before anyone has asked, we offer evidence of our character: another carefully chosen sentence, a little more context, one more assurance that our intentions were good. That urgency can look like weakness to someone who does not know what it may once have cost us to be misunderstood — or that misunderstandings have never been equally small for everyone. … Some people are allowed to be clumsy.
Some are offered context and a second sentence.
Others have learned that one wrong word can be kept as evidence. And still… you deserve a second sentence. Or, to put it in some 🥱 impressive professional language: Relational safety does not mean being understood perfectly. It means being with people who treat misunderstanding as something that can be clarified — not as a verdict on your character. Who remains curious long enough to hear your second sentence? 오해 하나가 당신의 전부가 되는 건 아니에요. PS: 안녕하세요… wherever you are in the world, whether Thursday heard what you meant or only what it expected to hear. Welcome to Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 15일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 15. #silentradionotes #cptsd #communication #오해 #인간관계 Text on screen: « 아 다르고 어 다르다. Even one sound can change
how a sentence is heard. But sometimes…
what changes the meaning
is the listener. » and « This is Silent Radio Notes. » by @mrs.bimako
0
7 hours ago
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있잖아요… How do you measure joy? By how long it lasts? By how much of the day it changes? Or by whether it makes one difficult moment easier to inhabit? 안녕하세요… wherever you are in the world, whether Wednesday is ending softly or simply ending. Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 14일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 14. 
Autumn seems to be the season when, for many of us, the tiredness of the whole year finally catches up with us.
Perhaps that is why we romanticise it so much: it gives exhaustion somewhere beautiful to land. I found myself thinking about this because, by this point on the road, everyone here is tired. Have you ever noticed how, when exhaustion grows, small joys become serious business? A breathtaking sunset. Crisp air on your face while you hold something hot to drink in your hands. A silly joke that made a loaded room relax.
Banana milk.
A weird origami contest that everyone suddenly seemed to go all in on. Someone remembering how you drink your coffee at 2am.
The face your eyes searched for when something funny happened. … A few seconds that shook the day gently out of its frame. Priceless, aren’t they?! None of those moments lasted very long. None of them changed the pressure. But that’s not the job of joy at all. Joy can exist inside a difficult day without explaining the difficulty away. The joy is still real. So is the deeper breath that comes with it. The banana milk was still fucking good… 그 순간만큼은 바나나우유가 우리를 살렸어요. What small joy did you almost fail to count today? 오늘의 기쁨이 잠시였다고 해서 덜 진짜였던 건 아니에요. #silentradionotes #smalljoys #autumn #바나나우유 #휴식 Text on screen: « 잠시 머문 기쁨도 분명 기쁨이었어요. Even a joy that stayed briefly was still joy. » this is a new episode of Silent Radio Notes. by @mrs.bimako
0
a day ago
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있잖아요… What small ritual helps you remain recognisable to yourself when everything around you keeps changing? 안녕하세요… wherever you are in the world, whether today found you arriving, leaving or somewhere in between. Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 13일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 13. See… when we spend enough time on the road, people begin asking the questions that organise the day… Where are we?
밥 먹었어요?
How long are we here for?
When is the next meeting?
Did you get the email? But today, somewhere between a half-packed bag and another room I will soon have to leave, I found myself wondering about a different question… What helps us stay in touch with ourselves amid all the daily chaos? You do not have to be travelling for life to begin feeling like transit. Sometimes the days move us from one demand to the next so quickly that we arrive at night without having quite arrived inside our own lives. I don’t think we need another destination. Perhaps we need just one small thing that does not feel temporary. The same tea beside a different bed.
Your favourite playlist while you unpack.
Someone who speaks to you as a person before asking what is needed from you.
A chair where, for ten quiet minutes, nobody is waiting for you to move again. Maybe that is the strange thing about living in transit… After enough departures, even rest can begin to feel like another stop on the itinerary. Sometimes we need one small part of the day that belongs to us.
One small thing that quietly says: You are here, too. Do you have something like that? What is yours? And if nothing came to mind, you have not failed the question.
Noticing what is missing is part of the answer. 오늘 밤만큼은 어디론가 가는 중이 아니라, 그저 여기 있어도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #cptsd #burnout #번아웃 #마음챙김 Text on screen: « 도착과 떠남 사이,
남아 있는 것이 있다. Somewhere between arriving and leaving,
something stays. « by @mrs.bimako
1
2 days ago
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안녕하세요… wherever you are in the world, whether Monday has treated you gently or asked more of you than it should have. Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 12일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 12. 있잖아요… When someone says they are sorry, what allows your body to believe that something may really be different? The words themselves? The silence in which your answer is allowed to take its time? Or the next ordinary day, when they remember what they said they would change? I ask because, earlier today, someone apologised to me for something small. The thing itself was small. The apology was not. He apologised so seriously that I found myself wondering whether he was kidding me. I waited for some sign that would turn the whole thing back into a joke. It never came. He was serious. And somehow, I knew what to do with the small hurt more easily than I knew what to do with someone taking responsibility for it. Perhaps an apology becomes repair when you are no longer asked to carry both the hurt and the hope—when the person who said sorry carries the remembering into the next ordinary day. Maybe I did not need to decide today whether I believed him. If the apology is real, it will not disappear because the body needs longer than a sentence to believe it. 오늘 밤은, 사과를 천천히 믿어도 괜찮아요. 진심이라면 내일도 그 자리에 있을 테니까요. #silentradionotes #신뢰회복 #복합외상 #cptsd #healingjourney They say…. 말 한마디로 천 냥 빚을 갚는다. “One well-chosen word can repay a great debt.” But what if the body keeps a different ledger… by @mrs.bimako
1
3 days ago
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What's uncomfortable about admiring someone who always manages? “She'll figure it out. We don't have to worry about her.” My mother used to say that about me. Often. And with affection. For a long time, I thought I knew what she meant. It's taken me considerably longer to wonder what everyone else heard. Almost a year ago, I wrote an essay about resilience. Recently, someone pinned it to our tour crew board, which is a mildly inconvenient place to discover that your own writing hasn't quite caught up with you. So, tired as I am, I went back and rewrote it. Because after all these years of sitting with people who have become exceptionally good at managing, there is one thing about our admiration for resilience that still bothers me. And it isn't resilience itself. The new version of Resilience: The Prettiest Word for Abandonment is now on Substack. If you've spent much of your life being the person nobody had to worry about, I think you'll find something worth sitting with here. There’s a link in my bio for you to find my substack. I leave the link to this essay in the comments. Just look for this 🟠. Anyway… the kettle's on. Even somewhere between cities. ☕️ B. by @mrs.bimako
5
4 days ago
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안녕하세요… wherever you are in the world, whether Sunday night has found you at home, on the road or somewhere in between… Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 11일째예요.
Today, this is Our Day 11. 있잖아요… Some Sunday nights, after everything is done and the room has gone quiet, a sentence finds me: “I want to go home.” It sounds as though I am remembering somewhere. But I am not. I do not know where I mean. There is no room I can picture. No address I have lost. No place I can return to and say, “Yes. This is what I meant.” I am longing for something I never knew. So I built a home inside myself. That home is real. But having one inside me is not the same as having one built around me. Some nights, I am tired of being the one who has to make every room safe before I can rest in it. So I wonder… What do we call homesickness when the home we miss is not a memory? Perhaps it is not a longing to return. Perhaps it is a longing to be received. Sometimes I do not want home to be something I have to carry. I want to arrive somewhere that was ready before I came. I want the door to open from the other side… 오늘 밤만큼은, 누군가가 먼저 문을 열어 주기를 바라도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #그리움 #cptsd #belonging #healingjourney by @mrs.bimako
5
4 days ago
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안녕하세요… Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 10일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 10. 있잖아요… Can I ask you something different tonight? Earlier this week, someone asked me, “What song would you give today?” He seemed to be searching for the English words. I liked the question enough to hope he would not find a smoother translation. He could have asked how my day had been. I could have said good, long, busy… one of those small words that can close a conversation while appearing to answer it. Instead, he asked for a song. I still smile when I think about it. A song does not ask for a report. It lets a melody hold what you have not yet arranged into words. It can carry the part of the day that would disappear inside “fine.” For a moment, the question was not, “What happened?” It was, “What did today sound like from where you were?” So I wonder… If you could give today one song, which one would it be? Not your favourite song.
Not the song that explains who you are.
Just the one that knows something about the day you had. Maybe care is not always asking someone to explain. Sometimes it is offering them another language—and waiting while they choose. 오늘을 다 설명하지 않아도 괜찮아요.
노래 한 곡이면 충분할지도 몰라요. #silentradionotes #healingjourney #오늘의노래 #songoftheday #selfreflection 말하지 않아도 알아요. “You know without me saying it.” But earlier this week, someone asked me a different question… by @mrs.bimako
3
5 days ago
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안녕하세요… Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 9일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 9. 있잖아요…
Let me tell you why. A message arrived while I was on my way. Four words: “Can we talk later?” I read it once. Then again. I read the punctuation, the time it was sent, the silence after it. Then I replayed the last few conversations, searching for the moment something might have changed. By the time I arrived, I had already lived through every possible ending, prepared an explanation and apologised for something no one had named. It made me wonder… When someone says, “Can we talk later?” … how much of the conversation do you live through before it has even happened? See… sometimes we arrive exhausted to conversations that have not even begun. For some of us, uncertainty was where trouble first announced itself. Being ready felt safer than being surprised. And still… an unfinished sentence is not always a warning. Sometimes it is simply waiting for its second half. Maybe, for tonight, you do not have to write that half for them. 오늘 밤은 아직 듣지 못한 말까지 미리 채우지 않아도 괜찮아요. Yours, B. #silentradionotes #예기불안 #cptsd #healingjourney Text on screen: „돌다리도 두들겨 보고 건너라. “Even a stone bridge should be tested before crossing.” So I read the message again.“ by @mrs.bimako
4
6 days ago
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안녕하세요… Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 8일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 8. 있잖아요… Can I tell you something? Today, someone carried the bag I was already prepared to carry alone. You might know the kind of moment I mean… A message arrives saying, I thought of you.
Someone makes room before you have to ask.
A cup of coffee you haven’t asked for, placed beside you. Nothing has been requested in return. Still, somewhere inside, the accounting begins. Have I looked grateful enough?
How quickly should I repay it?
When will the terms appear? When someone is kind to you, how quickly do you begin looking for what it will cost? I sat down with that question for a while. Somehow, I think suspicion is not the opposite of gratitude. Sometimes care came with conditions, and the body learned to look for the fine print. And still… not every kindness is a contract. Sometimes someone simply means: I saw you. I thought of you. This is yours. Maybe, for tonight, we let one small kindness remain simply that: a kindness without a price tag. A bag carried because someone noticed it was heavy. 오늘 밤만큼은, 다정함을 빚처럼 여기지 않아도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #healingjourney #다정함 #youmatter #traumainformed by @mrs.bimako
4
7 days ago
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안녕하세요… Welcome to another episode of Silent Radio Notes. 오늘은 우리의 7일째예요. Today, this is Our Day 7. 있잖아요… Can I tell you something? Last night, something really amazing happened. Before I had found the proper words for it, I reached for my phone. A name came to me almost at once. I stared at the screen. Then I put the phone back down without sending the message. I didn’t want to hear the good thing called luck or watch it become a lesson. I wanted it to stay good for a little longer. See... good news often arrives before its sentence does. Most of the time, a name arrives with it. The name of someone who will understand why it matters. Who will not make it smaller by calling it luck or larger by turning it into a lesson, but will stay long enough to hear the whole untidy happiness of it. Intimacy is not only about who can sit beside our pain. It is also about who lets our joy arrive before it has learned to be modest. When something good happens to you, who do you trust with it before you have found the proper words? And when their name comes… do you press send? 오늘 밤, 기쁨을 작게 만들지 않아도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #기쁨 #healingjourney #emotionalintimacy #relationshipreflections by @mrs.bimako
4
8 days ago
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어서 오세요. 오늘은 우리의 6일째예요.
Welcome. Today, this is Our Day 6. Sit with me for a sec… I was in one of those rooms today. The kind that makes us wonder: Which story can I tell here? Which name can I use? Is correcting the joke worth what the rest of the evening might become? How quickly should I laugh so nobody notices that I had to decide whether to? You can leave having spoken to everyone and still feel as though nobody met you. So tonight, I wonder: What makes a crowded room feel lonely? Is it having nobody to speak to…
or knowing exactly what you could say and calculating what it might cost? Perhaps loneliness is not always the absence of company. Sometimes it is being surrounded by people who have only made room for the edited version of you. 여기서는 당신을 숨기지 않아도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #외로움 #belonging #cptsdrecovery #healingjourney by @mrs.bimako
3
9 days ago
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어서 오세요. 오늘은 우리의 5일째예요.
Welcome. Today, this is Our Day 5. Sit with me for a sec… Tonight, during another crew meeting, I was reminded how quickly a room can change after one small word. “No” is a short word. What follows can take much longer. A face changes. A silence follows. Before anyone has asked for one, you are already building an explanation, as though the right reason might make your no easier for them to hear. After you say no, whose discomfort do you notice first? Theirs — or your own body, tired from standing where it has finally chosen to stand? Perhaps the guilt that follows a boundary does not mean the boundary was wrong. It may be the echo of all the times peace depended on your yes. 오늘 밤은 설명하지 않아도 괜찮아요. #silentradionotes #마음돌봄 #boundaries #boundaryguilt #healingjourney by @mrs.bimako
7
10 days ago
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